Thinking Ahead

There are a lot of decisions to be made in the next few months. Some will not happen until 5 or 6 months down the road but need to have a good idea and grasp on things now as to what we are going to do. This way we can get things set in motion in order for it to all play out with as little interruptions as possible. Few major things to think about and plan for such as………

The truck I got screwed on. Fix it with new motor then sell? Buy brand new truck that will last me forever? Fix it and keep it? Fix it give it to my oldest?

I have no idea but have to decide and do something now or soon. Because I can’t leave it sitting much longer and need the extra seating soon now more than when I bought it.

To move away this year or stay another year? If I move when? If I stay here then I have to decide do I want to stay where I am or move somewhere different? House wise that is. I have the best set up with the kids school being right there. But the house isnt great and I am tired of dealing with the managment team. It isnt worth what I am paying rent is going to go up again. But will I find anywhere cheaper the same size in better shape? How will the school set up be?

If i move away or here where am I going to move to? Stay in the same area here or make a big change? If I move away do I go where my friend is or other family or somewhere all together different?

How is that going to effect the huge change I just made last week? How do I handle it and all that goes along with it in between all that is coming up and going on?

I have no idea what I am going to do or how to move ahead at this point. Most the time I am full force straight ahead.

I am going to really have to think about it all and figure it all out. I need to look back at my goals I set last year see what I have done and what still needs to be done. Set some new ones and fix some old ones.

Please Help Me Understand Something

They talk about prepare for the storm, get water, bread, canned foods, flashlights, batteries and the list goes on.

They say so if we lose power, if we lose water. Once the storm is over we are not going to be able to get it stores will be closed. Then they turn around and tell you to leave as well. You will need it wherever you leave to. You will need it when you get back.

Now lets stop and think about this logically here. If this storm is bad enough you are telling me to leave and get out of harm’s way. If I do that I am going to go where it is not going to hit. Therefore I will be able to get food and water and all that kind of thing because they are going about life as normal. They are not about to get blown off the map or sink.

If I am leaving why do I want to buy all this stuff and leave it to maybe get blown away? Then I am still not going to have it when I get back or the money to get more because I bought that to start with. If I am leaving why wouldn’t I just wait and see if or what I am going to need and then get it and bring it home with me? Rather than buy it and take a chance on leaving it here or having to drag it around taking up room while I’m gone?

If I wait then I can buy things other than canned things like lunchmeat hotdogs bread and things. If I buy things now the bread is going to go bad before the storm even hits and the lunchmeat you can’t transport or it will unless you want to take a cooler with you. Then again how long will that last? And you are taking up room.

At worst I end up needing stuff for a day maybe 2. Then I take the meat out of the freezer and cook it on the grill. That way we have food and it isn’t wasting because we have no power. I have an upright deep freezer. I get gallons of water line across the shelf in the back turn packs of meat side ways and put another line of gallon jugs infront and let them freeze. Even if power goes out it will take about 2 days before things start to thaw out if no one is opening and closing it. So I still don’t really need to rush out and buy a ton of canned food and fight people for the stuff because if you have a grill you can still cook your normal stuff in the fridge.

Hell one storm we weren’t expecting and didn’t have a grill. We used an oven rack and some blocks to lay it on. Then made the fire under it and cooked a freezer full. The storm was supposed to go past and miss us and turned in on us at the last minute. Or we would of been better prepared.

I seen were people were saying if you don’t use all you buy during the storm don’t return it donate it. Because when it is returned the store has to throw it away they can not resale or give it away. I seen where employees were talking about how much they have to throw away after every storm. It is sickening when there are so many people out there who need it. But people will not donate because they spent money that was for bills and that weeks food. They are now trying to get it back.

It seems that if that much is being returned that we don’t need to rush out and buy tons of this stuff because we aren’t using it. People are finding other things to eat and do things even when the power is out.

I know the storms are bad and could be worse but again if we see the damage they hype everything up to be or other places have gotten. We are not going to have that food it is going to be gone you still have nothing if you stay like a lot of people.

I feel they do this all wrong and cause everyone to panic way more than is needed. I feel they use this to jolt the economy scarying people into buying things they wouldn’t normally buy knowing they will have to turn around and buy their normal day to day things when it is over. That will require more money or the return and trashing of food that someone could of used.

Where To Move To

I am thinking more that maybe I should just go to GA. It is a closer trip than NC. I am worried about my truck making it plus the money to get there. I will have around $700 to go on all together. I don’t know how I am going to get anything with that. My cousin in NC said they are in a one bedroom so they don’t have room. My one in GA said she may beable to have me a job lined up when I get there. She is checking on places to rent. She said she knows someone who owns a trailer park she is going to check with them. I told her even a 2 bedroom for now i will put girls in one boys in one and sleep in the livingroom. Heck Little Bitty sleeps with me i can put two two beds in girls room sleep in there. One for me & her, one for oldest. Told her if they work with me on upfront cost let me pay extra monthly i be okay. Once i got deposites paid was working then move over to something bigger.

She said she was going to check into somethings and see what help she could find me and what looked best between her and where her sister is. I think I would like it with the one in GA more. I’m just not sure.

Its exciting but nerve racking too. But Llike I told her, as long as I know I have a place to stay someone is going to work with me we are golden. We don’t care how big or small as long as we have a place to sleep cook bath. The rest will come from there. I will get a job and we will work on getting furniture and things we need. Getting a bigger place even. If i have a place to go i would not think twice about going. The not knowing stresses me out and causes panic. But so does being here and no where to go. All I can do is see what she finds out tomorrow. If someone says tell her we will take them work with them i will start packing tomorrow.

Another Long Night

Dealing with Father Of The Year, he calls and ask if he can come see the kids while I was making dinner. I started to tell him now but I figured they could see him and I could get my school work done. Wrong they fought and carried on running around and he just sat and watched them as if nothing was going on. I was down the hall with my door closed in my room and could hear them like they were next to me. I finally went out there about 10 and told them that it was time for bed. They were fighting cranky and whiny. They weren’t seeing him they were raising hell he wasn’t trying to do anything with them so bedtime. They all got their blankets and pillows and laid on the rug in the living room. They slept out there all last weekend too. The two boys and Little Bitty. My oldest is to old for that she wouldn’t be caught dead camping out with her younger siblings in the living room are you kidding. I went back to my room to try and work on my work some more he followed me in here and was asking me something I answered him and said something about going home. He just stood there looking at me stupid and went on.

In a little bit I was out there or he came back in here and I said something again about it he said he told them at home something about staying here for the night so he just do that. I said no there is no need for it we had this talk already long time ago you can go home. I was going to “help” you around the house he says. I said um no your not it’s late I have to do my homework no one ask you for help it’s time to go home. He started I said no problem just go. He sat around with the kids then until they fell a sleep and then laid on the love seat as much as he can I can’t even lay on it really he is taller than me by far. I went out there said something. He said he didn’t see nothing wrong with it or something by now it is after 2 I have been telling him to go home. He ignore me and walk off or whatever. I came back to my room and laid down and text him ask him why he wasn’t leaving told him I wanted to go to bed and needed to lock up and things. He just ignored me then told me he was waiting on the kids to go to sleep and things why he didn’t leave. I said well it has been hours since they went to sleep so that isn’t’ why. He said he wanted to be with the kids and spend time with the kids blah blah. I said well you seen them they are a sleep no need for you to be here now. He just wanted to stay the night with them. I said oh no if you want to stay the night with them then you pick them up take them home they spend the night with you. If you are not picking them up taking them home and them staying at your house with you then you are not spending the night with them.

I just decided short of calling the police to make him leave he was going to just keep on. I do not want to call the police over such shit. I kept asking him why he couldn’t go home he ignore me but at the same time said over and over he wanted to go home. Well if you want to then go. I even told him that if he told her he wasn’t coming home and couldn’t or whatever now not my problem that he should have made arrangements for somewhere to stay or something not just come over say he wanted to see the kids flop down and refuse to leave. He said something about sleeping in his truck I told him he wasn’t doing that in my yard either. I told him if he rather sleep in his truck than go home that was fine with me Wal Mart was good about letting people sleep in their parking lot in their cars have at it.

He kept saying I am trying to sleep. I said well I want answers and to know what the hell you are doing and why the hell you won’t leave? He kept saying I was being nasty he didn’t need to answer me. I said well what else am I supposed to be and what is anyone going to be when someone comes in their house sits down and refuses to leave or tell them anything? Go to someone else house and try it and tell me how it works for you because I bet they aren’t going to be as nice as I have been. Finally about 4 am he gets pissed off says he can’t sleep I won’t leave him alone he is leaving. I said bye got up locked the door went back to bed. He then started texting me again. Started about this is so one sided he does and does and then this is the way I do him.

I said excuse me one sided and your getting the short end of the deal? How the hell do you figure? I said one sided you have never once in 6 months taken these kids out of the house to go anywhere other than to run to the store a minute when you come over, you have never once kept them for the weekend like your supposed to, taken them during the week when you can and supposed to, come and see them when you can fit it in and you feel like it, your child support is figured on how many over nights they stay with you but that has never happened, it is figured on half of what you really make an hour, you pay it if and when you feel like it and when it works for you, you don’t have other people to pay back your own bills to pay or you just don’t feel like paying it, they can do without everything comes first. I let you come to my house and see them for them not you, I set rules on when you come and see them you can’t just walk in and out of my house anytime you please and stay as long as you want or stay the night. I said you just can’t stand it because you have no control anymore. You can’t keep me from going somewhere doing things or having you here. I have been more than responsible up to this point even though it has been very one sided and that is all about to change because I am not and will not be done this way like I was again tonight. Then his ton changed he didn’t say anything much at all after that. I said and from now on you can be here before 4 or not come and you need to leave by 4. You still have to see if we are going to be home it is a good time and day and let me know ahead of time. I said you can say it isn’t right or one sided all you want and that I am punishing the kids by making you ad hear to a few rules that is fine. But I am sure if it goes back to court and I bring all this up to the judge and how this is how it has been for 6 months he is not going to feel that you are getting the raw side of the deal. He really didn’t have anything to say after that. He just said he was trying to get comfortable in his truck and sleep and it was a little cold. I said oh well to bad you have a house and bed your paying bills on instead of making sure your kids have what they need if you want to sleep in your truck that is all on you I feel nothing for you over it. Then I passed out I was tired I had taken a whole one of my pills and it was really starting to kick in. I woke up with my phone under the bed.

I am still just blown away how he thinks that he does nothing but what he wants when he wants and never do I have a free moment he don’t take the kids or pay a sitter when he is supposed to or nothing but then the nerve and the balls to tell me this is a one sided deal. Where the fuck does he get off saying something like that? He must not know what one sided means or something. I told him I have it all documented that he isn’t doing what he says and that when he tells the judge all these reasons that are nothing more than excuses that the judge is going to tell him just that its excuses not valued reasons.

Bartering and Trading

I was talking to my friend last night when I was at his house and another friend a few weeks ago when I took them somewhere about getting things done or getting things that are needed. I use to have friends or friends of friends that I could call to do just about anything I needed done or to get anything I needed. If not then I could find someone in my family that could help me. It didn’t cost a million dollars like it would if I had to pay someone.

I had a friends, friend that would work on my computers anytime something happen. All I had to do is make dinner or buy him a pack of Cigarettes for payment. If I needed my car worked on I could ask my grandpa or my dad and they would help me. If one of them couldn’t then I could find a friend that would do it. If I didn’t make food or buy Cigarettes then I would babysit or run an errand for them or something like that. We always made good some way.

Everyone has moved on or passed on and I don’t have people to do things anymore. I have to find some place or someone and pay a ton of money so then a lot gets left undone because I just don’t have it. I miss having this circle of friends to do these things for or with.

A True Sign From Above

As I said in my last post we left because of the storm and because we were worried about a tree going through the house. We didn’t get back until after 9 pm Saturday and had no power. I took a flashlight and walked down the street and looked around my house to see if there was any other damage I had not heard about. I seen something laying in the yard but did not go into the yard where it was to see what it was. It was over by my bedroom window and by the trees. The yard gets mushy and I didn’t want to get around the tree and have a lizard or snake get on me. I forgot about it until the next afternoon when I want to start the grill. I walked over to see what it was and this is what I found.

signI was surprised when I seen what it was. I have no idea what language it is in or anything else but I don’t think what it says is as important as the picture.  When I seen it I just felt this calm and peace come over me and something in my head said your supposed to be here, your supposed to stay here like you planed. I just had this feeling that nothing happen to the house because this is where we are supposed to stay here until I finish school and we move out of state like I planed.

Before the storm I posted about the kids wanting to move, they said can we please move and wanted to just go somewhere pick a place and stay instead of coming back. Then my mom was saying we all could just get a big truck put our stuff in it and go find a place and stay together until we all could get our own places. I said I would stay here from now on before I would do that but had been considering what the kids were saying about moving now and just staying somewhere. I know I really need to finish school before I go. I can most likely finish still if I moved but I think I need to do it here it be easier. I think if I move I will get detracted and just go back to work and forget school. I really don’t want to do that. But I was thinking about moving and trying it. Now I am not even thinking about moving or having to move. I think this place will be ours as long as we need it and as long as we are supposed to have it. We will know when the time is right and make a plan from there.

Trying Not To Stress

Surprisingly with everything going on and having to pawn the truck I really haven’t been stressed since I done it and got everything paid. I know the money is coming sometime so That I can pay on the truck and get it out. No the money did not go in after midnight and it still isn’t there. Chances of getting my truck back before they close today are looking slim. But I am ok with that so far because I was warren it may not come until Friday. I’m not happy about it because they gave me a date I feel they know people need this money for bills and things they should say it is going to be here between x and x not on x if it isn’t going to show up until days later. But anyway.

But I do have this lady that wants to come do a walk through of my house and it is stressing me to no end every time I think about it. There really isn’t anything wrong just little things that I have been working on getting taken care of. To be honest a lot of it is because of the work the people done before we moved in. But I know they are just looking for a reason to get me out of here it seems and I’m worried they are going to say it’s our fault and try to make us move. I really can’t afford to move. I don’t have almost $3000 to put deposits on another place and I don’t show the 3X the monthly rent coming in they want you to show to move in some place. I keep telling myself that it is going to be fine and that they aren’t going to find anything wrong enough to say we have to leave but then I can’t help but stress about it still. I do everything I can to keep this place even pawn my truck so that my kids have a place to live and it comes down to something like this and we may still not have a place. If it wasn’t for the fact it is our place to live I wouldn’t be so stressed. But I know how rude the guy was on the phone the other day and how mad he was that I have a lease and that for whatever reason he wants us out. I know it is nothing that we have done because if it was he had other times he could of told us to move and been able to do it. Like when the roof was leaking all over and fell in. They could have said they weren’t going to fix it couldn’t fix it right now that we needed to move. I truly believe that it all comes down to the houses all around me are renting for $950 a month and they rented me this one for $750. The fact that we have paid about $12,000 in rent in the time we have been here and that he has had to put two new roofs on and a new air unit outside. He probably has spent all that we gave him or more on repairs, taxes and insurance for the house. But you know what it isn’t my fault the roof was bad long ago he knew it if he didn’t the people he had do the work did because there were trees laying on the roof for a year or more. I don’t know what was wrong with the air but he would have to replace it whoever he had in here. At least he is starting to make money on it now and this years rent should start being mostly profit. Plus I know he has gotten money as well because the lady in the office told me he did and he was going to put it into the properties. I don’t know if he is wanting to do more repairs hoping to rent it for the higher amount or if he is wanting to sell it. It is harder to sell when you have it rented out for a year or so.

I just want to get it over with and I want to avoid dealing with it as long as I can at the same time. In hopes that they will just forget it and not come and leave us a lone as long as I make sure my rent is there on time from now on. I put them off last week by telling them I was sick which I was. They said give them a call back in a week or so to make arrangements. So I have been trying to make sure everything is ok before they come. But I can’t really scrub the walls and get any little scuff marks off or anything because of the paint they used, it wipes right off. The paint in other rooms is peeling off the walls I don’t know why. I know they are going to say something about that. I have a spot in the hall that is messed up from where the roof was leaking. The only real thing that they can say something about that is from us is where father of the year put a hole in two of my doors in the house. That is the only thing that is from us and should’t have happen. I covered one up with something the other is on a door in spot I don’t think they will notice.

I just really hate having people I don’t know in my house and going all through it. I have a really problem with taking someone all through my house into my bedrooms and things. Not that I have anything to hide I just feel it is a huge invasion of my space. I don’t know I think that is stressing me as much or more than them finding anything wrong to be honest. Am I going to have to open all my closets and all that or just walk them through let them glance in each room and they will be on their way.

Just the over all stress of dealing with them makes me sick thinking about it. I just wish I had the money to get us out of here and into something else. I would gladly move if they wanted to do away with my lease. But they would have to pay my moving cost and give me all the money I put down to get in this place and help me find something in the same price range in a comparable area and help me get in since i don’t show 3 or 4x the rent like they want. I know they are not going to want to do that and that is fine I would rather not move until the first of the year when my lease is up and I really haven’t done anything that they can make me move before then so I am just going to try not to stress about all to much. But if they were to do that I would move I would like to move north of here around where my dad was staying and closer to church.

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