{April 10, 2020}   A Talk with Little Bitty

As most of you know Little Bitty is dead set against me having a husband or boyfriend. No way no how for any reason dose she want me to have one or even think about having one. Over the last few weeks I have brought it up and we have talked about it a little here and there, but not much. She just always says she don’t want to talk about it or just because. Last night it came up she started with I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to waste my breath on this, can we just talk about it later. I said you always want to talk about it later and never will we are talking about it now. She finally opened up and we had a very heartbreaking, eye opening conversation.

She said I can’t have a boyfriend because he will steal me away. She said that oldest is 16 and going to be moving out any time and the other two are going to be moving out and it will just be me and her. If I get a boyfriend he will steal me away and she will have no body because I am all she has besides the other kids who are going to be moving out. At this point she was in tears. So very upset and worried. I tried to explain to her it would be at least 2 years and probably longer before anyone started moving out and that Mr. 9 and her still had a a long time before they would be. That no matter what no one could steal me away and take me from her.

I told her that whoever I ended up with would have to like her and the rest of the kids. They would want to do things with us all together. I told her that we would find someone that understood that they came first and they would have to be okay with that or we wouldn’t be able to be together.

Then she told me she did not want another dad or step dad she was happy with the one she has even though she don’t know him. She started telling me that me and her dad are still together I never broke up with him we just didn’t live together. That some day he may come back to meet her and want to move back in with us and be together.

I had to stop myself from crying with her. I explained to her that we were broken up that is why he hasn’t been here all this time and we have not talked to him. That he broke up with me and moved away. I told her that he had a new girlfriend. She was surprised and didn’t know what to say. Then she thought that was her step mom. I told her no he was not married and that was not her step mom. I asked her if her dad could have a girlfriend then why couldn’t I have a boyfriend. She said because I had her and the other kids.

Then she thought about her dad having other kids. She said something about if he had other kids before and doing things with them. But she never put two and two together about them being her brothers and sisters if he did have kids. Last night it hit her and she said if he has other kids then that would mean they are my brothers and sisters. I said yes honey he has other kids. She said when she gets grown up she wants to move by him so she can get to know them and him and come back to see me since she is living with me now.

She never asked how many other kids or where they lived. She just assumed they lived with him. I didn’t tell her any different. I figure it is best for her to ask when she is ready to know than me giving her more information than she maybe ready for. With all that we were already dealing with I didn’t want to overwhelm her with more. She was still upset and crying.

She told me she didn’t want me to get anymore babies at all. I told her I wouldn’t that I didn’t want more babies and that whoever I ended up with would have to understand that and not want any more either. She said but if you get a boyfriend then you get babies. I said no I will keep that from happening. Then she told me no I said yes I can I will. She kept insisting how was I going to do that because that is what happens when you get boyfriends or husbands. I told her not to worry about it I just would.

She told me a lot of other things and we talked about it all and i told her how it would work or what to expect. She said he can not live with us and he has to know that I get to sleep with you too. I laughed and told her he wasn’t going to be living with us and that even if he wanted to or I wanted him to we would have to talk about it as a family and decide that it was okay for him to live with us. That it would be a while before that would happen. That we would all have to do things together and get to know him and everyone like each other and things. It wasn’t something that would just happen just like the kids aren’t moving out anytime soon.

She felt a lot better and calmed down a lot then. We talked some more. She said well he needs to have a job and his own place. He needs to be able to pay his bills and things. If his job don’t give him lot of hour then maybe you can get him a job with you and he can have two and work lots of hours like you since that is what you do. Two jobs would be okay but three would be to many probably. Then she said you two should put your money together and pay the bills and then you would have money left to do other stuff.

I said if he don’t live here then we won’t put our money together and he won’t pay our bills. I will pay our bills buy the things we need and he will pay his bills and buy the things that he needs. She said well if you put your money together and pay all the bills then you both will have more left. She said he may not have lights at his house if he is here for to long. I said what do you mean. She said if he ha to leave and go back to his house he may not have lights because he may not pay his bills there why he is here. She also told me I don’t want to snuggle with hairy arms so I have to sleep on one side of you he has to sleep on the other and know that I get to sleep with you all the time. But probably only until I am 16. Then I will probably sleep by myself. If not then when I turn 18 and move out.

She said he has to like Heartland the show we watch at night in bed. That way he can watch it with us. I don’t know what all but when we were done talking she said it would be okay if you get a boyfriend if he is a good one nice to us and you. Then she said if he is here and he is mean and won’t leave we will call the police so they can make him leave.

About and hour or two later she walked by and I was on my pone. She said what are you doing on line dating? I said no why would you say that? She said I don’t know but good because that is just weird. She said oh and I forgot to tell you, if he hurts you I’m going to hurt him. He may think I’m cute but I’m really revengeful, (as she punched her hand). And I get my way (have her ways). If he bleeds then he just bleeds I can’t help it he shouldn’t of been mean to you. My oh my this child. I don’t know if I should laugh or be scared myself.

I am blown away by all that she had to say and all that she has been thinking about. I don’t know other 7 years old’s who would think of a lot of what she said about the job and sharing bills and helping each other out and him helping us around the house and things. I feel bad that these are the things she thinks about and worries about. She is to young and shouldn’t have to think about things like that and be worried about them. Or scared that someone is going to take me away from her and that I am all she has. If these guys could see what they do to these kids when they are not in the picture and how it affects them would they even car? Would it make them change their ways?

I told J.W about our conversation and he said he could do that stuff or does that stuff or something. I told him I know. I told him he was ahead of the game because he is already Her’s and Mommy’s friend with the really cool dog.

Like I told him I think that him and my kids will get along great. If I didn’t I probably wouldn’t have considered even getting together. I didn’t get with others and that was one of the reasons, I didn’t feel they would get along with my kids good. Or a lot of them act as if they are an after thought, or bother that I have them. they don’t like that they come first. I am sure it isn’t going to be sunshine and roses right off the bat between him and all of them. I am sure that some are going to be guarded and others are going to be indifferent or not interested in him and Little Bitty will take some time getting use to him being around. But I know that if everyone truly gives everyone a chance. They give him one and he gives them one they will all end up liking each other and getting a long for the most part once it is all said and done. But like Little Bitty they have been through a lot and he is going to have to build that trust and bond between them and be careful not to break it. They are going to have to learn to let go and let people in and that not everyone is going to hurt them and that there are decent guys out there even if their dads did them this way some one wants to be there for them and with them.

I also found it interesting that Little Bitty keeps saying he can’t live with us but then at the same time says things as if he is living with us and how things are going to be or should be and happen. I think deep down she wants someone to be a father figure and she really wants that to be her dad. But also open to the idea now that she knows she will still have her dad no matter what. She has just been through so much she is scared. She didn’t like it when Sleeping Beauty was here and how he was. I think also it help for her to know that me having a boyfriend isn’t just all about me, that it involves them as well and that if there are big decisions to be made they will be made as a family not just someone pushed on them or forced on them. That everyone has to like him and him like everyone and want to spend time with all of us not just me.

I think once this lock down crap ends then I will decide when it is a good time to sit down an talk to them tell them we are together and let them meet.

{December 29, 2018}   Everythings Gone

Thursday after the one owner came back and then left Bff called me crying. I couldn’t even tell at first what she was saying. Finally I could understand her, she was saying it’s all gone, it’s all gone. I had no idea what she was talking about she said everything. The car I was driving, my truck, his car he was driving, his truck, his shop, tools, everything is gone.

Background first…..She has a suv she is buying from where I am now working. Her husband my old boss from the transmission shop moved from where we were to a new one over the Summer. You probably remeber that is when He no longer needed me. Well since he got hooked up with the guy that owns the car lot that wanted me to work for nothing. The last month he has decided to move his shop to the bays at the car lot. And he has gotten cars off the lot and is driving them. One for him one for bff. The guy had a tow truck he let him use. He says gave him don’t believe. They are supposed to be partner’s now she gets her car free and clear she was told.

Well I guess her hubby pissed the car lot guy off. He says old boss ripped people he knew off said he did work and didn’t. Well one of old bosses guys quite right before Christmas and another since. Yesterday one was missing. A scanner was missing as well, has been for a few days I guess.

Well bff’s truck was up for repo because he hasn’t paid on it since last month. It was behind then and not caught up.

Well Wednesday night in the night the car lot guy had the cars they had from the lot picked up, the tow truck picked up and they took her fence apart and took her truck she is buying from where I work. I guess there are tools missing from the shop as well. The guy who left before Christmas took over the shop at the car lot went in told him to get off the property not to come back. Make an appointment to come get anything he had left there.

They are all saying he has and is ripping people off and that he has a pill problem. There are like 5 or more people off the top of my head that are telling her he has a problem. She says she hasn’t seen proof and things. I keep telling her people everywhere he goes dont just say this about him. You don’t just make all this money not pay your bills and have nothing at all now to show for it not even a car to drive. She is in denial she says she isn’t but she is and she is depressed. Anyone would be but she has to stop and get up do something because things are going to get worse. I was told that afternoon there was more to come. She was too from people very close to the source. She needs to do something and get her and her kids out of it now. I told her I am worried that her and the kids are going to get hurt. Like I told her look at all they did out there the other night and she had no clue they were there sat and watched tv why they did it or slept. They could be in her house or do anything before she knew they were there. Then what?

All she says is I know or I don’t know. I been over there a few times the propane tanks have been messed with and turned on outside. I keep telling her he needs to lock those up and put them away and that isn’t just happening by accident when they haven’t been using them not been home and things. I forgot about it until last night I am going to bring it up to her today when I talk to her.

Like I told her it was bad enough that he was doing them but at least he was functioning and paying bills and doing things right. He has hit an all new level at this point. He isn’t functioning, he isn’t paying bills, he is ripping people off or basically stealing from them when it comes down to it.

Like I told her he is no different than these that go into peoples houses and steal their stuff. Only difference is he has found a “better” way to do it. He gets them to come to him then collects money and leaves their car sit forever dont work on it or says he is buying new parts and puts old ones from whereever he can in it so he has more money in his pocket.

He is still telling her that everything is fine he didn’t do anything it’s everyone else. He isn’t worried. But then the night all this happen he was up half the night stressing about it.

I said what is he stressing about if he hasn’t done anything? She said I don’t know.

She went and talk to the kid she took in a year or two ago who calls them mom and dad and that was supposed to be getting part of the shop. He was the one that no one knew where he was. He turned his phone off and disappeared the day all this went down. Come to findout he had the scanner everyone was worried about. He had signed on it with her hubby and he was I guess worried about having to pay for it if something happen to it. So he went and took it home it had been left in the old shop.

But he told her he is doing all this too he is going to the other shop or somewhere else to work.

I told her she can not be mad at him. He is one that has been telling her things here and there over the last year since he went to the shop and started working. Him and the guy that left and decided to open his shop back up. I said he has his past he is overcoming still. He has his gf now and a brand new baby to look out for and take care of. He can’t keep being around this day in and day out and not slip up and fall back into it. I said he has to much to lose. He is trying to get his little boy back he can’t be around all this. If something goes down he is going too just because of his past and being there. He had a drug problem and just got off probation in October. He has been clean for around a year give or take. Because I know he had a slip up back right before he moved it with them so maybe its more like two years now. Im not sure but I know he has been doing good and passing his test so he needs to get himself away from it all. I do not think he had any idea how bad things were or how bad he was when he went to work for him. Now he seen and he says he is over it. Its wrong and he isn’t being a part of it.

She says she isn’t mad at him, that I am right she knows. But then turns around later and says you know everyone wants to nit pick and look at everything. If one person gets mad puts you on blast everyone jumps on board. All the shops have problems with people not paying and complaining and not happy.

I said that is what he says, I said yes the others will have a problem customer and they screw things up once in a while. But not 3 out of every 5 and not all the time and not like he has. I said there are to many and to much happens up there him fighting with people. I said I know a lot of guys that work in a lot of these shops or have and they do not have near as many issues as he has had. She don’t say anything. I said and okay it is just problem customer’s he did nothing wrong they all just want something for free or whatever. That takes care of that there is no problem he isn’t ripping people off they are all lying. We have explained that.

Explain this to me, why does he have no money ever? Why is all the bills behind and going off all the time? Why is rent a month or two behind all the time? Your truck?

He makes anywhere from $5000 a month or more. You could pay your rent up for a year and have some left in one month. You make more than enough to pay all your bills and your car payments and still have some left. But nothing is paid. Nothing is paid at the shop not even the parts stores where he has to get the parts most the time. And according to you all he makes over $5000 in a month most months. So where is the money? Why is nothing paid? I don’t know it makes no since to me either all she says. He don’t tell me anything. I said of course not.

I seen him taking shit when I first started working for him and told her. Just like he would hide from all these people who came to the shop all the time. Always some reason. One day he couldn’t get out of the office to hide because the guy was right there outside the door. He got on his hands and knees and hid under his desk until he left. What the hell was that about? You don’t do that just because someone “talks to much” and you can’t get away from them like he said. Now I wonder what would of happen that day had he seen him. What I could of been sitting in the middle of and had no clue about anything. I thought the pills he was taking at first were his. I had not been around in so long I had no reason to think any different. Then I started noticing things seeing things and people started talking. Everything started adding up.

et cetera
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