No Boyfriend to Married

Me and Little Bitty had a talk again last night. She been in a mood all evening and from what I gathered pretty much all day. As soon as we turned the light out to go to sleep she started crying. I asked what was wrong.

She said she just really wanted to see her dad and for him to see how big she was and how good she is doing. She said she wanted him to be proud of her a do things with her. Get to know him.

I told her that one day I hope he will come around and want to know her as well. I said what if we added a new family memeber to our family?

She said yeah but I just want my dad to do things with.

I told her that if I got a boyfriend then he would or could do dad things with her. That her dad would still be her dad but he would do the dad stuff her dad wasn’t here doing with her. She stop crying and thought about it scooted over closer to me.

She said he would?

I said I bet if we find the right one he would. She said but he would have to like me too not just you.

I said if I had a boyfriend he would have to like all of you not just me.

She said I bet he would have a dog and then our dog would have a friend too. But his dog can’t teach our dog bad habitats. They have to play and get along. I said so you can sleep in your room in your bed take the dogs to snuggle. She said no that is okay I like snuggling you better. He will have to snuggle us and watch Heart Land if he lives with us. You two can watch shows I can’t once I go to sleep.

She thought about it some more and said would he be my other Step dad? I said you don’t have a step dad. She said yes and said Father of the year. I told her he was the other kids dad but not her step dad. That if someone was going to be her step dad that would mean we had to get married. She said okay if you find a good one that likes us and you then I guess that would be okay. If you wanted to get a baby you could do that. I said first off no babies. She said well if you got married you have a baby. I said no I have all the babies that I want. I am not having no more babies. She said okay good I would rather you not. So if you get a boyfriend and you get married don’t be going to the hospital because you will end up with a baby. People go there and if there are two red they are pregnant and get a baby. But if there is just one red then they aren’t pregnant and don’t get a baby. I said two red what? She said I don’t know it is just how it works. You go see if you have one or two reds and find out of your are getting a baby.

She told me again how we could work together at the same job and put our money together to pay bills. That he could live with us if he has a nicer house we could live with him.

She stopped and looked worried for a minute. She said be would have to know there is a granny and she is sassy and not be scared off by her. I said i am sure he would understand their is a granny and I think it would take more than her to scare him off. She said I don’t know. I said don’t worry about it I will handle that. She said okay.

This girl is a trip. She said so much more but I was all but a sleep when this conversation took place. I can’t remember it all. But I find it interesting for now she has went from no boyfriend to married. You can read my post A talk with Little Bitty

I told JW this morning he was like we can skip the married part but I am okay with the rest. But you’re going to need a bigger bed. But that is how he is he would do anything and everything for my kids and with them. He loves kids.

A Talk with Little Bitty

As most of you know Little Bitty is dead set against me having a husband or boyfriend. No way no how for any reason dose she want me to have one or even think about having one. Over the last few weeks I have brought it up and we have talked about it a little here and there, but not much. She just always says she don’t want to talk about it or just because. Last night it came up she started with I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to waste my breath on this, can we just talk about it later. I said you always want to talk about it later and never will we are talking about it now. She finally opened up and we had a very heartbreaking, eye opening conversation.

She said I can’t have a boyfriend because he will steal me away. She said that oldest is 16 and going to be moving out any time and the other two are going to be moving out and it will just be me and her. If I get a boyfriend he will steal me away and she will have no body because I am all she has besides the other kids who are going to be moving out. At this point she was in tears. So very upset and worried. I tried to explain to her it would be at least 2 years and probably longer before anyone started moving out and that Mr. 9 and her still had a a long time before they would be. That no matter what no one could steal me away and take me from her.

I told her that whoever I ended up with would have to like her and the rest of the kids. They would want to do things with us all together. I told her that we would find someone that understood that they came first and they would have to be okay with that or we wouldn’t be able to be together.

Then she told me she did not want another dad or step dad she was happy with the one she has even though she don’t know him. She started telling me that me and her dad are still together I never broke up with him we just didn’t live together. That some day he may come back to meet her and want to move back in with us and be together.

I had to stop myself from crying with her. I explained to her that we were broken up that is why he hasn’t been here all this time and we have not talked to him. That he broke up with me and moved away. I told her that he had a new girlfriend. She was surprised and didn’t know what to say. Then she thought that was her step mom. I told her no he was not married and that was not her step mom. I asked her if her dad could have a girlfriend then why couldn’t I have a boyfriend. She said because I had her and the other kids.

Then she thought about her dad having other kids. She said something about if he had other kids before and doing things with them. But she never put two and two together about them being her brothers and sisters if he did have kids. Last night it hit her and she said if he has other kids then that would mean they are my brothers and sisters. I said yes honey he has other kids. She said when she gets grown up she wants to move by him so she can get to know them and him and come back to see me since she is living with me now.

She never asked how many other kids or where they lived. She just assumed they lived with him. I didn’t tell her any different. I figure it is best for her to ask when she is ready to know than me giving her more information than she maybe ready for. With all that we were already dealing with I didn’t want to overwhelm her with more. She was still upset and crying.

She told me she didn’t want me to get anymore babies at all. I told her I wouldn’t that I didn’t want more babies and that whoever I ended up with would have to understand that and not want any more either. She said but if you get a boyfriend then you get babies. I said no I will keep that from happening. Then she told me no I said yes I can I will. She kept insisting how was I going to do that because that is what happens when you get boyfriends or husbands. I told her not to worry about it I just would.

She told me a lot of other things and we talked about it all and i told her how it would work or what to expect. She said he can not live with us and he has to know that I get to sleep with you too. I laughed and told her he wasn’t going to be living with us and that even if he wanted to or I wanted him to we would have to talk about it as a family and decide that it was okay for him to live with us. That it would be a while before that would happen. That we would all have to do things together and get to know him and everyone like each other and things. It wasn’t something that would just happen just like the kids aren’t moving out anytime soon.

She felt a lot better and calmed down a lot then. We talked some more. She said well he needs to have a job and his own place. He needs to be able to pay his bills and things. If his job don’t give him lot of hour then maybe you can get him a job with you and he can have two and work lots of hours like you since that is what you do. Two jobs would be okay but three would be to many probably. Then she said you two should put your money together and pay the bills and then you would have money left to do other stuff.

I said if he don’t live here then we won’t put our money together and he won’t pay our bills. I will pay our bills buy the things we need and he will pay his bills and buy the things that he needs. She said well if you put your money together and pay all the bills then you both will have more left. She said he may not have lights at his house if he is here for to long. I said what do you mean. She said if he ha to leave and go back to his house he may not have lights because he may not pay his bills there why he is here. She also told me I don’t want to snuggle with hairy arms so I have to sleep on one side of you he has to sleep on the other and know that I get to sleep with you all the time. But probably only until I am 16. Then I will probably sleep by myself. If not then when I turn 18 and move out.

She said he has to like Heartland the show we watch at night in bed. That way he can watch it with us. I don’t know what all but when we were done talking she said it would be okay if you get a boyfriend if he is a good one nice to us and you. Then she said if he is here and he is mean and won’t leave we will call the police so they can make him leave.

About and hour or two later she walked by and I was on my pone. She said what are you doing on line dating? I said no why would you say that? She said I don’t know but good because that is just weird. She said oh and I forgot to tell you, if he hurts you I’m going to hurt him. He may think I’m cute but I’m really revengeful, (as she punched her hand). And I get my way (have her ways). If he bleeds then he just bleeds I can’t help it he shouldn’t of been mean to you. My oh my this child. I don’t know if I should laugh or be scared myself.

I am blown away by all that she had to say and all that she has been thinking about. I don’t know other 7 years old’s who would think of a lot of what she said about the job and sharing bills and helping each other out and him helping us around the house and things. I feel bad that these are the things she thinks about and worries about. She is to young and shouldn’t have to think about things like that and be worried about them. Or scared that someone is going to take me away from her and that I am all she has. If these guys could see what they do to these kids when they are not in the picture and how it affects them would they even car? Would it make them change their ways?

I told J.W about our conversation and he said he could do that stuff or does that stuff or something. I told him I know. I told him he was ahead of the game because he is already Her’s and Mommy’s friend with the really cool dog.

Like I told him I think that him and my kids will get along great. If I didn’t I probably wouldn’t have considered even getting together. I didn’t get with others and that was one of the reasons, I didn’t feel they would get along with my kids good. Or a lot of them act as if they are an after thought, or bother that I have them. they don’t like that they come first. I am sure it isn’t going to be sunshine and roses right off the bat between him and all of them. I am sure that some are going to be guarded and others are going to be indifferent or not interested in him and Little Bitty will take some time getting use to him being around. But I know that if everyone truly gives everyone a chance. They give him one and he gives them one they will all end up liking each other and getting a long for the most part once it is all said and done. But like Little Bitty they have been through a lot and he is going to have to build that trust and bond between them and be careful not to break it. They are going to have to learn to let go and let people in and that not everyone is going to hurt them and that there are decent guys out there even if their dads did them this way some one wants to be there for them and with them.

I also found it interesting that Little Bitty keeps saying he can’t live with us but then at the same time says things as if he is living with us and how things are going to be or should be and happen. I think deep down she wants someone to be a father figure and she really wants that to be her dad. But also open to the idea now that she knows she will still have her dad no matter what. She has just been through so much she is scared. She didn’t like it when Sleeping Beauty was here and how he was. I think also it help for her to know that me having a boyfriend isn’t just all about me, that it involves them as well and that if there are big decisions to be made they will be made as a family not just someone pushed on them or forced on them. That everyone has to like him and him like everyone and want to spend time with all of us not just me.

I think once this lock down crap ends then I will decide when it is a good time to sit down an talk to them tell them we are together and let them meet.