I Can’t Justify All This In My Mind

I think I said it somewhere in the last week or so in another post but I don’t know what one or where. But I still can not justify not moving away in my mind. I have tried and tried and I thought okay when I find something and get into a better place and things I will be able to. But I am looking and there is nothing out there better that isn’t $1200+ a month. And even then it isn’t much better than where I am.

I just keep thinking I could move up by J and find a job making as much as or more than what I make at both my jobs put together right now and pay half what I am in rent for a nicer place. Or even if I paid as much as I am now I would have one job, decent hours, and a much nicer place. I would be out away from things not right on top of the person next to me. I would get to see my kids, spend time with them and do things. I wouldn’t be struggling. I would have help with things and the kids. I could have a break once in a while. The kids would have friends and family to do things with and spend time with and grow up with. We wouldn’t sit alone on the holidays and weekends all the time. We could have parties and do things again.

Yesterday on the way to my night job I seen a rent sign so after work I picked JW up we went to eat and I decided to drive by there. We found the house and it looked nice and was in a nice area. It didn’t say anything about the house just hat it was for rent and the name of the company to contact. I googled the address and pulled it up and they want over $1200 a month for it. It was three blocks from the school around the corner from a park and ball field. In a older quite little area.

This morning I picked him up and we were talking on the way to work and things. Something was said about being here and things I told him, I hate it here, I can’t stand it here I want away from here so bad it isn’t even funny. He asked me why I never left. I told him I was set up to when my dad got sick and I paid my money out to be here and take care of him and everything happen the way it did. That Father of the Year pulled the crap he did and I have struggled the last few years to get decent job or jobs and finally be able to again. He just said oh.

I said I have nothing here, I have no one here really. I don’t see my family hardly at all, I have bff but she can’t be counted on for anything. She is just someone to talk to and hangout with she can’t be counted on to help in anyway. Even when she says she will she don’t . He said you have me. I told him I know that isn’t what I meant and not the same.

He keeps saying that it is all going to be different things will be better when I get moved I am just stressed and things. That he is there to help.

But like I told him, okay but still I am way over paying to live in a dump or maybe a step up from a dump, working my ass off to keep it and struggling. I can’t have anything else because i am just getting by still and I still can’t see my kids and we still hardly get to see each other. Even if we are living together. He is working over 60 hours a week and I work 60. I haven’t been working my full 60 the last month or so I have been so depressed and stressed and the mess going on with my teeth. But I have to get back at it right a way. Then I am off the weekend for what he works 10 hours or more on Saturday then Sunday we have things to get done and the day is over.

I know life isn’t perfect we have to work we have to pay bills and things. But I also know that there are places where rents are not a million dollars a month and jobs pay more than $8 an hour. The cost of living isn’t going to be perfectly balanced but it isn’t going to be so far out of balance that you can’t drive a block down the rode without seeing 10 homeless people laying or sitting around on every corner sometimes 10 on two out of 4 of the corners all through the town. Or a junkie sitting on the bench looking like she is one hit away from ODing. It wasn’t like this when I was growing up. It really wasn’t. We had bad areas of town there was a few homeless that would pass through or what. But there wasn’t families begging for a place to live and sleeping in their cars and in the woods and begging for tents and food and things. Rents were normal price. The cost of living wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t so far out of sorts that you had no hope of finding anywhere to live either. There was always places at decent prices and people willing to work with you if you needed the extra to get in or what. You could rent a place and go in a fix it up yourself and not have to pay deposits and things. People helped people.

Now everyone is struggling so much they can’t help if they wanted to because they can hardly help their self and working their self to death trying to just survive. There is so much I want to do and would love to do to get involved in my community and things and I can’t because I am working so much just to get by.

I broke today I told him but it isn’t going to be better when I move. I am going to still be struggling and working all the time. Even if we are living together we are still going to be working our asses off just to get by and still not have money to save in case something happens or have anything at the end of the day. That is if I can find a place at all. I am searching and begging for a place to live and somewhere that is decent and finding nothing. I’m going to pay the same as I am now or more to live in a worse area and in a house in as bad a shape as mine or worse.

I don’t understand why everyone is okay with this. I don’t understand why no has a desire to do better have better or want more. Why are they all just okay with working their asses off and not having anything and living in dumps in bad areas of town? Why are they not trying to have or do better. Why do they do things that just leaves them in the same spot they are already in instead of trying to do better?

Like Bff only has to pay $375 rent, lights and water. She went and got a truck payment, she wants to go get jet ski and a boat and all this other stuff. But she is always borrowing money from her mom and another friend of hers. She is two months or more behind on her rent. Then says but it is because….. Not it isn’t because. It is because she waste her money. All while she is complaining because her house is falling down around her. It needs a roof, floors and walls fixed because the roof has leaked so much. It needs the bathroom done because it never was and a few other things. She has someone that will help her get most of it done it will just cost supplies and she talks about how she don’t have the money to do it. but she has paid someone elses way for a year and making a truck payment and going away for fun for the weekend getting motel rooms and spending money out all the time. For her and this other person and the kids.

She had over $20,000 she got from a settlement and it was gone in less than a week. She didn’t catch bills up or anything like that. She could of fixed her house and bought a decent car or truck that she did not have to make payments on. But instead she is fine with living like she is and not having anything. Then cries because she works about 45 hours a week or so. That is to much but she don’t make enough and she is always taking off and missing work to go play around or just because.

I work my ass off and can’t catch a break. Like Jw well things will be better and when we are together and move in together. We still are not going to be that much better off if I quite one job we aren’t going to be any better off we are going to be right where we are now. That is my goal and what I want to do with in the next 8 months or so is be in a spot where I can carry everything and only work one job. Still be able to have things and do things. As long as I am here I dont’ see that ever happening and I hate it here. Honestly he is the only thing I have here and reason I have to stay and honestly it isn’t enough to make me do it this time. I care about him, I love him, I want us I want to see where this goes but I don’t want to struggle and live like this the rest of my life to have it. If living like this and struggling like this from now on not seeing my kids hardly is what it cost to have us it cost to much. I need peace of mind and happy for me and my kids. We are going to have to really talk because even if I stay the year to see how things go with us and give it a chance rather it is going good or not I still want out of here so we aren’t living like this.

It is only going to get worse because they are getting ready to build all these new apartments around us and houses and things and the space center is about to take off again and some other places coming in and a ton of people moving here makes the rents go up even more. And everyone thinks it brings jobs and things to the area but it really don’t. it brings highly qualified and special skilled and trained jobs to the area and most all of them are filled by people from other states coming here to transfer. It really don’t help our area out much at all.

Apartments here are going for $1400 and up. 1 bedrooms are going for $1000, rooms for rent in someone’s house with no kitchen access and things are going for $500 and up. I told him last night I am looking at houses for rent and sell. They are the same ones I looked at about 12 years ago for rent and sell. They were beautiful inside and out looked like new. They were getting almost half the price they are now then to rent them. The ones that are for sell are selling for just over what they were selling for then or doubled or more in price. But now they are trashed, they have not been kept up, they have not been taken care of painted or anything like that they are 12 plus years older with nothing done to them and they want all this extra money for them. When they looked like brand new I could rent them or buy them for next to nothing and they are in decent areas.

Everyone I know is moving, I had a friend move a few months ago, another one moving in a couple weeks, others getting things in place to go. They all say you can’t live here it is to far gone and over priced. One is going to New York and has a nicer place and a much better paying job doing the same things they were doing here. They will have money to save and not struggle to get by. Everything is waiting for them when they get there. The others went to Georgia and are doing so much better they went from a trailer to a house and land and paying almost the same as they were here. The medical and things up there are much better as well. Like my friend J in south Carolina said she is getting all kinds of medical things she needed taken care of done up there because she can afford to pay for medical now and they have places that help you if you can’t or what you can’t cover.

I Almost Cried

Yesterday after the awards at the school I left and I went and paid the water bill and the internet bill. I paid them both down to $0. I still have the light bill to pay on next week but when I do it will also be paid down to $0 balance.  The water bill was late the light bill will be on time. On time and paid in full!

I know that probably don’t sound like a lot to you all or your saying yeah so lots of people do that all the time or what. But for me that is a big deal and to know that I did it on my own, without having to borrow, or use my tax money, or money I got from here or there it huge.

In the last 7 years me and the kids were homeless two years in a row for Christmas. We got into this place March of 2014. Although we have had a place it has been a struggle to keep it and keep bills paid. Much less other things we need. I have worked two and three jobs at a time and just staying a step ahead from sinking. Get a step or so ahead or think I was and get knocked back down.

I don’t think I have had a $0 balance on my bills since I started services there 4.5 years ago. Other than if I got my tax money and was able to pay them up and then they were up there again in a month or two because I wan’t making enough to pay them off each month. I would shuffle money around to keep things going. Final notices got paid and everything else got shuffled until the magic letter came in the mail. Then I would have to borrow to get keep them going at times or we would do without other things or scrape by.

I was so happy and excited I almost cried when I paid the water bill it showed a $0 balance. It is so discouraging to pay it have them hand you the receipt and it have a balance on it over $100 and you just handed them $200 or more.

Needless to say my excitement quickly faded when I got to work and oldest messaged me and said oh did you get the note that was on the door yesterday?

I had no idea what she was talking about she sent me a picture it is a three day notice to pay or get out. I owe them $400 for “repairs” Because I have to pay $75 every time they have to send someone out. 99% of the time it is for the plumbing that they have been told over and over has a busted pipe. But they will not pay someone to check it out. They say I have to do that. I don’t have the money. So when it won’t drain at all I have to do something I call them they send their man he cleans the line and it drains for a bit and we do it over. If I have the money i pay it and when I don’t it sits there. Rent is paid on time every month has been for a while because it is the one thing I have no play with when it gets paid why everything else gets shuffled around. They can’t put me out over anything other than rent but they I guess took my rent money and put it on my fee’s so it shows I am behind on my rent. Since I paid by their card not a check or money order there isn’t much I can do about it. If I pay by check or money order and write for rent they can’t use it for anything else. Since it is on the card they can do what they want because it isn’t marked. But I have always done it like that and if it was paid on the first they just took it as rent. I have been paying $75, $25 a $100 extra a month but I don’t have it all I talked to them and that was fine because I gave them a chunk upfront. But then I had to call them since and they have a hair in their ass about something they did this and didn’t even say they were changing things up or nothing just come stick a note on the door. Now i am trying to figure out how to pay it before TOMORROW. If I had known I could of probably waited to pay those bills had a chunk of it now I paid them I don’t have any of it. If I get paid tomorrow that is food money and lights. I was going to ask my boss at my night job but he is out of town until Tuesday so that don’t help. I can probably get by until Monday but after that I will be in Trouble they will be back Monday if I don’t pay it that morning. Then it will cost more they add fee every time they have to come out there or what. I don’t know what I am going to do. Even if I worked doing pizza’s this weekend I won’t make near that much. I don’t know who else to ask to borrow it.

I am probably going to have to pawn my guns and then I am going to be in that cycle that I can’t get out of for a while end up costing me a ton of money in the end. I was feeling so good and so accomplished. That I was making progress, real progress I was going to have all the bills paid up and then be able to pay that $400 up. But it was costing me more to not pay the bills up first vs paying the rent up and I had made arrangments and was making payments. I was going to start paying extra to pay it up faster since I had bills paid up and wasn’t paying so much on them and late fee’s. I will work it out but I don’t know how and it feel knocked down and defeated again and like all my work was for nothing if I can’t come up with this last little $400.

Sleepwalking

I feel like that is how I have been getting through life just sleepwalking through it. I have felt so sleep deprived lately I almost can’t function. I have had a hard time driving home more times than I will admit to the last month. I have just hit that burnt out point in the year. Where I have worked to the point I am over worked and need vacation somewhere cut off from the world and all human interaction. Okay I know I am dreaming but I need a break of some kind. We haven’t done our girls night out in a really long time either so I am just working, sleeping repeat, time with kids on the weekend and jump back into the week. Not having that break and things getting busier at both jobs and the time getting ready to change always throws everything off. I am trying to acclimate I think.

I think the time change has a lot to do with it. I don’t know why but it always throws me off I think it’s worse this year with the hours I am working. The fact that my dads birthday is tomorrow don’t help either. The guy at work said something about it would of been his dads birthday it hit me that my dads was coming up this month. It was one of them things you know but not thinking about or keeping track of. Now it has been there nagging me for the last few weeks. I am going to get one of them chines lantern things and do. I am debating on doing tomorrow on break at my night job or waiting until the weekend and doing it with the kids somewhere. I don’t know how they would feel about it or be interested in doing it.

A lot has been going on I have wanted to write but just can’t concentrate when I sit down and try. It has been busy at my day job even when it isn’t the guys have been around and in the office a lot lately too. My night job things are so strictly watched and looked at I don’t want them seeing all my stuff. I hardly use the computer for anything other than work or to watch things when there is nothing to do. My phone has no service I have to hook it to the wifi to get on line and that is blocked so things can’t be done.

This morning thought I am in a good place. I am starting to feel like all the struggle and work I have been through the last 4 years is paying off and I have made that turn. I just want to write today and catch everyone up on what has happened and all that is going on. But I have to work some. So I am going to get off here for now and make my calls. Then I will have a while to jump back on and catch you all up on everything or most everything at least.

Is There a God

I don’t think so!

I will be honest my religion, faith or whatever you want to call it is something that I have been questioning a lot lately. For a while I haven’t really thought of it one way or the othe. But the last month or so its been on my mind a lot and pressing.

A little history, I grew going to church until I was in my teens. Then I went off and on through my teens here and there. When I got out of school and started working I went speratic. Then right before I met father of the year I had started going with my moms friend to his church. Come to findout it was the church father of the years grandma had gone to for years and where he went. I am not sure why we didn’t keep going there since we both were going and he had been there for so long and had friends and things there. Well writing that it makes since he didn’t really want me to meet his friends and never really went around or talk to them much after we got together. Just like he ended up isolating me from mine. He didn’t want them to findout what he was really all about. Anyway we found a different much smaller church and went there for years until I stopped going once we started having problems and split up. That is the one that turned their back on me and the kids and said I ripped my family apart and was all poor father of the year and how bad I was.

When me and RC were together we were starting to check out different churches and trying to find one to start going to. Then about that time everything happen with us and we split up. Me and the kids started going to one years later after my dad passed but that didn’t last long. It was great for the kids but I felt like there was no where I fit on or anything for me. Did not relate to anyone because everyone was married or single never been married, didn’t have kids. It was hard to be able to go because I didn’t have a sister for the kids when they had womens bible study and small groups and things. I was looked at like I was the pluge or something because I wad divorced!! Of all things. No one ever took the time to findout why or to get to know us. There was one lady who was so nice and seemed to truely care and befriended me but she wasn’t there offten because of work and things. We ended up not going and no one missed us or cared. Never did anyone call and ask if things were okay of something was wrong or anything.

I know it sounds stupid maybe. But growing up the elders of the church, teachers and other were always in contact with the members of the church and new people. If a member didn’t show up after a Sunday or two if they had not heard from you they were calling or coming to see you and make sure you were okay. It was like a family and they really cared and you felt you had friends, support and if people really cared. Real connections. If you walked in to the church and had never been there you can bet a dozen people will have spoken to you, welcomed you and included you in what was going on. Now you go into these churches someone may or may not speak to you at all and you just kind of follow in whats going on or sit back and watch. No one calls or checks up on anyone or notices if they are gone even if they have been coming for a while and if they do they are quickly forgotten and everyone moves on as if they were never there.

So that is my stint with church this far in my almost 38 years of life. I have been “saved” twice, believed in gifts, laying hands and all that.

But for a while now I have been going back and forth and questioning the whole God and church thing. Looking back over the years thinking about everything and everything that is going on now makes me question him even more.

Everyone says, pray about it, have faith, trust God, in God’s time, God says yes, no, wait, just wait, don’t give up. It maybe tomorrow, next week, next year or 5 years, BUT things will get better just wiat, trust, believe, pray and go to church.

My response to that is, how long am I supposed to pray about it? How long am I supposed to have faith, believe and and trust? How bad off do I have to be before something remotely good happens? I don’t just wait i do and do and try to do better and get a head just to be knocked right back down in days or weeks. If something good does seem like it is happening it don’t last or don’t come through.

If there is a God why do I struggle so much just to live and not have anything can’t do anything and can’t provide? When I am trying to work, trying to go to school, take care of my kids and make a better life for us? But here I sit lights going off in a few days, car insurence do Monday, and no way to pay them. Then my phone and water and things due soon.

I do not get how if there is a God I am in this situation when all I do is try to make things better for us and work my ass off. While others over here lie and do everything they can to get all the help they can never try and have no plan to do better or want to do better. Then you have deadbeat father of the year who has a job, house, truck and everything else in the world he wants or needs handed to him while his kids suffer amd do without.

You know I did better in the past, had more and things like that but can I really say it was because of God? No I can’t say I feel that it was now. Looking back it was because I was in a different situation. There was two of us in the house working and I was able to work, go to school and do things because I had help. But what was the price I paid to have that help? Being treated like crap, knocked around, ignored, and more. So because I chose to get myself and my kids out of that then I should struggle and be miserable and unhappy the rest of my life and have to tell my kids we can’t do that, we can’t go there, we can’t get that all the time and sit and stress and worry if we are even going to have a place to live and things.

All because I refused to be abused anymore and because I refuse to get back in a situation like that or to go from man to man and live off of them. Because I would rather have a real relationship than an atm? But doesn’t the bible say we aren’t supposed to do that kind of thing as well? But if we do it we are rewarded for it?

Yeah none of it makes since if there was a God life would not be this way. Then people want to get upset if you question it or it isn’t for you. Why would it be with all that I have been through and church after church turn their back or not make you feel welcome and no mater how much you pray and do your still in the same boat 5 years 8 years down the road. Why everyone else living and happy.

Everyone is welcome to have their say and I would love to hear others opinions on it all. But I also know that topics like this are very hot topics and can get out of hand. We are all adults and can have respectful conversations and different points of view with eachother. Rude, nasty or disrespectful comments will not be approved.But I really would like to hear others out on why things are this way for some and that way for others if there is such a loving and caring God? He can make ways why hasn’t he? Why is the only way I could do decent was to be in an abusive relationship? Why when I get out all I do is struggle and can’t beg for help give people things or pay them even to help me and everyone turns their back? Why if he cares so much don’t he make a way?when I am trying? I will probably get a lot of backlash may lose some followers but that is okay. Just show that what I am saying is right. When you question or don’t fit in their box instead of helping they turn their backs.

 

Trying Not To Stress

I am trying not to stress and trust that everything is going to work out. I have spent so much money that I shouldn’t of had to because of things getting mixed up. With my hours being cut at work i am starting to stress and get worried. I am looking and looking hard for jobs but not finding anything in my area. It really seems to come down to who you know not what you know. I am stressed over my mother still being here and not getting out. I am stressed because I just want to work so bad and make enough to be able to get ahead and no matter how hard I try I just can’t. I have to make $500 a week just to pay basic rent, lights, water, net and phone. That isn’t a bite to eat, drop of gas or anything extra for anything. That don’t let me get things caught up it don’t let me fix things that need fixed pay anyone back or nothing. I am trying so hard to just stay calm and keep looking and know that it will all work out if i keep trying. But i am starting to feel overwhelmed and hopeless. What was said the other day about always something don’t help. I am so tired of being looked down on and looked at like I am less than because I struggle. No one seems to see what I do just what I don’t that they don’t like.

Struggles and Trouble

Responsible all your life do everything your supposed to do, help everyone and do for them too and for what? What do we get in the end? Nothing but struggles and troubled times. Why the one’s who you helped walk through life with everything handed to them without a thought of you again.

6 Long Years

Last night when reading the post that made me write I Pushed Him Away, got me to thinking about how long I have been alone and doing this all on my own.

It has been six years since we split up and I have not been in a relationship with anyone since. You know how long it has been but until you really stop and think about it….

Its no wonder I feel the way I do and so down at times. It been six years of doing and giving for everyone else and no one giving back helping or doing for me. Six years of no one caring about me or showing me affection or anything. Yeah I have my friend but its not even close to the same.

Just going through everyday day to day stuff with the kids growing it seems like it has flown by. When I think about it, it seems like forever ago, another life time almost. I try to remember how it felt when me and RC were together and were happy its like hard to think I was ever happy. It was suck a short little tiny blimp of time. That almost year seems like it was a day. But the other 5.5 years seem like 10 years. 10 years of struggling and being a lone and unhappy. Not unhappy because I was/am a lone just unhappy because of struggling and not seeing an end insight. It just all seems so odd to me.

I Would Give

My right arm to not have to go deliver these pizza’s tonight. How bad I hate it and don’t want to go. But I also have bills to pay and need the money. Like the lights that are going to go off in the morning if I do not give them $115 tonight. I won’t make that much and would have it in the morning when I cash my check but still have food to buy and other things to get and pay until my check next Friday. This is really becoming a problem with money. Everyone says it will get better it just gets worse.

I have thought about doing a lot of things the last few days to make money just so I would not have to do these pizza’s. Short of drug dealing or prostitution I can’t come up with anything that will give me money right now. I am not sure how I would get into dealing and my luck I would sell to a undercover and be under the jail for life.

I just can’t bring myself to do the other either. How do you do something like that you don’t know or your not interested in? If I am not interested in you or attracted to you in some way shape or form I can’t even fake it that I am and the thought of you touching me forget it, it is not going to happen. I don’t know how people do it. Even dancing I don’t know how they do it. I know a lot are on drugs and things but I can’t get that drunk I always know what is going on. Drugs hell I can’t affard to live right now there is no way I could support a habit too. It isn’t something I would want to do anyway. But saying.

If I just made enough to get a loan to get everything paid up and could pay it back in monthly payments not weekly and not break the bank payments. I would be okay. I don’t even need that much really to get things paid off. I paid some off already. I can’t get a title loan they give nothing and want to much a month. I guess I will just keep applying and keep stuggling until something happens.

Re:Code Enforcment

I got a notice on the door from the management team. I called her back she still has not called me back. Just came and left a notice 7 days to fix or get out.

I posted yesterday for someone to come cut the yard for me. A bunch of people commented but hardly any messaged with a price or a time to look at it give me a price. The few who did wanted $90 or more. This morning a guy messaged said he could cut my yard for me. I sent him the pictures and ask how much. He said $30 so I told him okay. He said he had 2 more yards to do and would come over. He would message me on his way so I could run up and get some money. He messaged said he was on his way. I was about to leave and all of a sudden someone was in my yard mowing.

I had no idea who it was I went out to see. It wasn’t the guy I had been talking to so I wanted to know what was going on. I went out and a guy got out of a little suv on the road came up. It was the guy I had been talking to. I said I didn’t think you were that close. He said it was higher than he thought and things but he would do it for the price still. He didn’t want to go back on it. I figured it go up a little when he got here but he said no.

I ran to the store and come back they ran out to fix a tire and came back. They were out there a while. It still wasn’t done. I didn’t have it but I took him $20 more out because it was a lot more work than I expected it to be with their mower. We started talking he said your a single mom now? (He told me the first time I went out he had cut my yard a few times years ago. He cut the yard across the street cut it sometimes if I had money when they were there.) I told him i was paying someone but I couldn’t anymore I lost jobs and had to put money into the truck and things. That I was looking for another. That we tried to do it but broke the mower it was to thick.

He said look don’t let it get like this again. He said if you don’t have it and it needs cut he said call me. I will message you my number let me know, it needs done and I will make sure it gets done. He said there is no need for you to have to worry about it and stress over it. No reason for a single mom already stressing to struggle more over a yard. He said I have a lady who just keeping bills paid and some food on the table. He said I go cut it and don’t charge her. He said If I can help you in anyway call me I try to if I can.

We talked some more walked up in the yard to see about moving some stuff. He said when was the last time you went on a date? Real date nice night out just relaxing? I laughed and said it has been a while. He said why don’t you let me take you to Red Lobster you can relaxe and have a nice time. I smiled told him i would have to think about it. We did what we were doing, I had to go in I had food on the stove. I took it off went back out.

He was talking about letting him know and coming back to cut it. He ask when I was off again? I told him Monday. He said you have 4 kids? Take them out go to dinner my treat Red Lobster where ever you all want to go. I told him thank you. He said I mean I am going to get a hold of you in a day or two. We talked some more and his friend finished the yard. He said i see you in two weeks. He said maybe sooner I’m going to be talking to you and send you my number so you have it.

All the time we were talking and things he kept saying you need a vacation, you need a night out to relaxe. He a nice guy but he is just a kid. If he is even in his 30s I be shocked. I don’t know why he was talking to me. I was a mess, hair not brushed tossed on shirt and pants. Felt like a bum. Oh lord he just message me something about i need to go out. Im not opening it and reading it right now. I don’t want people see i am online .Others trying to talk to me i dont want to talk to. People i know and dont want to talk.

I forgot right before he left we were sitting on the porch talking. He said he could tell i was stressed and things. I said you see the light at the end of the tunnel only to wake up the next day to find it has been turned out something else has come up that needs taken care of. He said it might be out but there is another one. I’ll be that light for you. If you let me. There is hope things will get better or something like that. I didn’t know what to say or what to make of it. He said I see you later.

Build From The Struggle

I love this because it is so true. Anyone can walk in and get comfortable when things are going good, when you have it all together. It’s the ones who walk in when it’s all falling apart or fell apart and isn’t scared to struggle with you who speaks the loudest.