{August 5, 2019}   Workin’ Moms

I know I am late to the game once again probably but that is okay. I hardly ever watch tv at all unless a few minutes here and there with the kids. Then I don’t really watch it because who can hear or follow anything with 4 kids fighting and talking and doing whatever in the middle of it.

I signed up for a free Netflix trial the other day week when me and Little Bitty were laying in bed one night looking for something to watch. I have been watching it at work.

I started watching Grace and Frankie when it first came out, then got rid of Netflix and didn’t keep up with it. So I went back and started at the be-gaining and watched all of them. Now I have moved on to Workin’ Moms. I just finished season one and started season two a few minutes ago. Sadly I think this is the last season and I am not sure but I don’t think they are making anymore. I will have to check but I think this one came out a year or two ago so I would say they aren’t.

But while watching this I just laugh and then sit there and go wow I can so relate. Most of all I can relate to Frankie in the first season of the show. All I can think is who followed me around to record my life and tell her how to act.

Everything from the do you ever think about the plane just crashing, to the just tossing everything out or selling it. Her putting her face in the pool and the people pulling her out and her looking at them like nothing is wrong. You know your not going to do it but just don’t want to be here either.

Then the whole feeling guilty over the kids and not doing enough and not being there enough, the who is going to do everything for them and feeling overwhelmed at the same time. The other moms were dealing with what I feel everyday. the one mom feeling that she just needs the change or a change and piercing her nipple in the bathroom why they are out and wanting to leave her husband. Feeling that she is doing nothing but work work work for everyone and getting nothing in return from anyone but shit about what a horrible job your doing or why you shouldn’t be doing it or what you should be doing or doing different.

Imagine feeling that all on top of how Frankie was feeling and dealing with. That would me. I don’t know how I am getting by or functioning right now or the last month or more. I got one yes one hour of sleep last night. Then a huge fight with the Bitch this morning. I didn’t get to bed until 2 and watched a show with Little Bitty because I promised her and she is having a horrible time right now with all this. Then I laid there awake with my mind reminding me of every ball I have dropped, all that I have not cleaned up after, what a horrible job of being a person and/or parent I am, what is going to happen when all these balls that have been dropped and not dealt with come to a head. Then the thinking of oh well then maybe I will get a break and the drop of  a ton of breaks of feeling guilty for feeling that way when it deals with the kids. Then the circle of horrible mommy, poor kids slides back around and it just keeps going on and on like the song that never ends. I tell myself over and over that one person can’t get in my head not to let them get to me but I can’t help it. I know i have dropped the ball I need help but I don’t have it and don’t have anywhere to turn to get help. If I try then it just gives others more room and reason to pounce and cause life to be 1000x worse and keep pounding me down more and more and my kids to be unhappy more and more.

At the end of the fist season Frankie told her wife she was going to a treatment program to get help and I thought that would be so nice to be able to get help somewhere for the way I feel. But that isn’t an option for me like a lot of things aren’t an option for me. To have someone there that supports her and wants to still be with her. Who somewhat understands and wants to see her better.

That one word or phrase that shakes you to your core? You have no iddea how to handle it or where to turne.

Laying in bed my little guy out of no where says to me…..

Mommy do you go to hell if you commit suicide?

I was confused as to where this was coming from and have very mixed ffeelings aabout the ansswer. But my brain screamed yes and it. Is what came out as an ansswer.

He said okay and rolled back over. I ask why he askedand where this came from.

He said his friend in k was talking about someone who done it and that is what his teacher told them.

Then he said I use to thhink about it when I was in 1st grade but I don’t anymorre. I asked why he would want to do that he just say he was mad or he would get really angry and would want to. But kept saying I don’t. Now, I don’t anymore and that. Was just when I was in first grade. He said I’m tired I’m going to go to sleep now.

They have not been to therapy since 2016 right after Father of The Year left. I feel they need to go but hadn’t found somewhere that would be good. They didn’t have insurance for a while. I feel I need to start taking them again and him for sure after that, but I am scared what they are going to say. I do not want them to blow it out of proportion try to take him and put him somewhere. I don’t know how they will or do handle things like that. I don’t want them to feel that i have done something and cause problems but I want him to get the help he needs. If i have to jump through hoops because they think it is somethimg that came from my house that is fine. But they can not put him somewhere he is to little and not in need of that kind of help. It would do much more harm than good with his seperation anxiety. Amd he would be so lost and scared somewhere like that he never dealt with anything like those places or being away from his family even over night. He is so sensitive it just be really bad for him all around.

He ask me all the time is daddy going to heaven so that I can at least see him there?

I found this to be such an odd thing to be asked but he is a very out of the box thinker I guess you could say. I didn’t think much of it. Now he said this and I have to wonder.

I have not been to bed until 4am or well after in over a month probably. Well I am in bed well before that but not a sleep until then. It is a big deal but it isn’t at the sametime. We have no where to go and no way so it isn’t like we have to get up early. Plus the later I get up the less I have to listen to my mother bitch and raise hell before I go to work. The kids are night owls as well but not up that late. I come home see the kids and me and whomever wants to come crawl into my bed and watch YouTube video’s or listen to songs and talk for a while. Then they leave and I lay here. Mindlessly playing my game, reading news or blogs and filling you all in on what is going on. So all that to say most mornings I am not getting up before 12. I wake up way before that but lay here and do more of what I just finished doing hours before.

Today I was awake off and on just feeling extra tired. The girl from work asked if I wanted to go in with her so I had a ride. I told her no I would get there some way. I would of been 5 hours early and if we weren’t busy I sat there doing nothing and unable to clock in. The owner and his wife were there and the other girl so they didn’t need me.

I decided since it was 10 something I had a ton of time before I had to be at work I would check in see how things were going with trying to sell the truck. I gave him the vin Thursday didn’t hear anything at all Friday.

I messaged and said good morning, asked if the guy had said anything about the truck.

Right away I got a text back, no and I don’t have time to deal with that rite now.

I was really tired falling a sleep, just trying to hold my eyes open. So I wasn’t really thinking beyone no and he is busy, other than I am going to try and sleep one more hour. It was almost daylight when I went to sleep and then was woken up right away and then again when the girl from work messaged me. So an hour uninterrupted sleep was looking good.

I push the phone under my pillow as my eyes slammed shut. As soon as they did I could hear his text like someone reading it to me in my head clear as day. Something said that isn’t right, thats not him the way he says things, something is wrong, something is going on or wrong.

I pulled my phone out and forced my eyes open to look at it again. I’m thinking what is going on for him to say it the way he did? Then I thought about his mom’s husband being sick and what they told him. I thought oh no something happened. I again started not to text him, I figured he was busy being there for his mom or doing what she needed or what. I just felt I needed to say something. I ask if he was okay and what was going on?

I wasn’t expecting what I got back at all. I figured he waa goi n g to say he was helping his mom her husband was sick or what.

No I get…..I am done with life and I mean it this time.

And my day begain just like that. I never even thought about how tired I was or struggle to hold my eyes open at that point.

I asked what was going on? He said he was tired of working for nothing. I told him samething I was saying the other week. He said yeah but I have my kids. That he is a piece of shit. I told him he really isn’t any worse off than anyone else right now. Everyone’s struggling. Its the best thing to do for me and everybody around me. We went back and fourth about having people who care and not to do this. He says his family don’t care he has no friends. Him saying he is struggling. I ask what he was struggling with? Where he was?

I was trying to see if he was home or if he had stayed somewhere here in town Friday. I wanted to know if he was close to me, if I could get there in my truck to talk to him in person. He wouldn’t tell me just, No one needs to know where i am. And, Im good rite where imgoing.

I told him to stop he wasn’t going no where. He said no one cares so for me to stop. Everyone only cares about what he can do for them nothing about him or what he needs.

I was upset and mad because I ask all the time how he is, how things are and all that. He never says he needs or wants anything. He knows if I can help I will. I told him, You know i do you know your family does. People care you just try to push them away keep them at arms length. So you can tell yourself they don’t.

I ask where he was what he needed again. He said why do you want to know where I am?  I said because all you have said someone needs to know where you. I said something about needs I ask him if he got something

{April 24, 2018}   Re: Giving Up

I didn’t say anything to Starfish today, just see if he say anything finally or what. He never did so about 5 this evening I just sent hey, no reply. About 6 I said what is going on? I am thinking okay 2 days now your not answering and it hit me it has been 3 days not 2, since I last heard from him. I then was more thinking something is wrong, something just is not right. I could see 2 days maybe just to think clear his head. I get that way just don’t answer. But fof him not to say anything for 3 days no.

I was worried and frustrated as well, still trying to decide what was going on. I started to ask my friend if she could find anything out through the guys at the shop. But really did not want to. She don’t know how much we are talking or what is going on. It’s better that way.

So I messaged him one last time a little after 8. I said,

Really with everything that you have going on, and after saying stuff like this…….
Hey just to let u know if I do something stupid and u never see or hear from me don’t be mad.
You say nothing for three days?

About an hour later he says, hey I’m okay, I will call you tomorrow okay. I said okay just making sure. But found it odd that was all he said and that he would “call” me tomorrow. We mostly just text, all this time we have been talking for weeks now has been just text, until last Friday when I was doing pizza’s, i called him he called me because I was driving.

Anyway about 15 minutes later my phone is blowing up, its him. He said I had a lot of shit that happen since we talked last. I got jumped and robbed. I just got my phone back today. I aske where he was and where he is now? All he will say is I will call you tomorrow. I said okay I have to be at work by 11am. He said okay.

Now I am thinking that he did like I am thinking and went to a friends house got in trouble or situation whatever you want to call it where this happen. He probably still there going home tomorrow he’s had time to heal up or what. Didn’t want to go back to his moms beat up or what her know what he done, what happen or what. Just like when he got the money to pay the guy he said I will be home once I meet him, I don’t want you there see what happens to me. Just let me handle it then I be there we will talk. Then he said well it depends how bad I am, I am not coming home with the kids there if I look to bad. He don’t want people to know. I know he is embarrassed about it. He didn’t want the kids to be worried he didn’t want to answer questions what happen or to have tell them or lie to them. He don’t want his mom her husband to because her husband will have a fit.

I hope he calls we can talk. I want to ask him straight out or tell him straight up I know what your doing. But I want to talk to him about getting help not just doing it on his own. Really talk about it not him feel like I am downing him or trying to get on him or what. I think I will see if I can get him to go look at that place Friday and try to talk to him then.

Please pray, send good vibes or what ever you do. He’s a friend going through a lot, I hate to see friends really going through shit like this. Day to day things is one thing but this really is a big deal. Just like my other friend and the stuff she is going through with her daughter its not stuff that oh things will settle down in a few days. It’s things that its going to take a lot to work through and really get through and will have lasting effects from now on. They both really are good people who did stupid things. Pray for them both and the ones of us trying to help.

{April 23, 2018}   Giving Up

Not sure if I posted before or not. But Starfish’s son is in another state in the hospital sick. He been trying to get up there to see him for over a week. His sister was going to drive but he needs money to go on and things. He told me for a little bit he done some work for someone he waiting to get paid. Well Friday he said it was the boss from the shop. He told him finally he could come Saturday and get a check he had no cash. Starfish called me why I was on pizza runs telling me. We both felt something was up, he don’t like giving checks out he passes the bank all time why not get the cash? I know he collected about $800 in cash Friday why I was there and had to go to the bank to get pay for the guys. He knows he is trying to go see his son, I do not know why he is doing him this way.

Saturday comes he couldn’t get a hold of him for a while he finally met up with him he only gave him $100. Said it was all he could do for now.

Naturally Starfish was pissed because he needed all of it to go on. We talked a little Friday off and on just what he told me was going on Saturday that was it. I worked Saturday night I messaged him he replied once after that he stopped. He was pretty mad an upset about not being able to go see his son. I said something’s. He said I am done talking about it. Since then he hasn’t said much.

When I got home I ask how his day been. Thinking now should not of asked that. Comsidering how the morning/afternoon went. Never said anything back. I said good morning earlier and ask if he was okay? Later I said wake up Sleeping Beauty. Joking around with him, after that first night we were supposed to go out I say it to him now and then. He just laughs say’s don’t call me that or something. Later I said you been quiet you ok? About an hour ago I ask if he was mad at me. Still nothing. Its been over 24 hours since I heard from him and that was nothing really.

I know he is upset and depressed and I am worried about him. Tuesday he wasn’t in good shape he sent me this

“Hey just to let u know if I do something stupid and u never see or hear from me don’t be mad”

When I ask why I got….


We messaged back and forth for a while he said about 9:30 he was going to get a snack and lay down. We talked off and on up until Saturday. I know he is like me swing from one extreme to the other fairly quickly. He was telling me he gived up again he just wasn’t going to go. I know not working, not having a car, or getting there to see his son are really hard areas for him. As for a lot of people. Not hearing from him all day like that I am starting to feel worried. A little mad at the sametime. I am figuring he is okay or I would of heard something. He knows to many people my boss knows and things it would of gotten back by now. But then I think maybe not who knows or what if everyone at home thinks he is somewhere with a friend and he has went off and done something to himself not been found.

While writing that I am now thinking he has done something stupid but not that stupid. I bet he took that money he got and had his mom drop him off at a friends house and bought shit with it since he couldn’t go see his son. I pray not but that would explain him not replying, he go off will not answer anyone until he decides to go home. He don’t want no one to know where he is what he is doing. But if he did something bad stupid I rather it be that than something to himself. Niether is good but. If he is just sitting there not answering I’m be pissed after saying what he did he do this and make me wonder. Knowing I be worried after he said what he did. I took it as in if I do, do something ever or while all this is going on not as in he was talking about just at the time he said it. I been trying get him out set up to go see that place but hs pulling away. I still try touch base few times a day anyway, just good morning, hows your day? What you up to or something.

I am going to sleep I guess for tonight. I think if I do not hear from him by tomorrow evening, I’m going to send that back to him be like how are you going to say this then ignore me for days knowing I be worried? See if he responds to that. If not I guess I will just wait until I get one of those text, hey, you awake, or whatever he decides to say. I’m still going to say something about it when I do hear from him again.

{November 27, 2017}   Not Safe Anywhere

I took my kids out of public school about 4 years ago for many reasons and have not put them back because of where they would go if they went back now. They go to a small private school that is like a little one room school house with about 13 or so kids. They have been there the last two years and we really like it, it’s like a family the kids all talk and know each other, they do family lunches and parties and things.

Today after the kids got home I received a text from the owner of the school. She asked me to ask my oldest if one of the other students said anything at lunch about bringing a gun or gas to school. I called her in and ask her if anything was said and she said yes he said he was going to bring a gun to school and kill himself. I ask her if he said anything about gas or anything else and she said no. I felt sick and was in shock as soon as she said it. I text her back and told her yes and what she said he was saying. She said damn thank you so much and that was it.

I have no idea what they are going to do about it or who told them about it. My oldest said that there was her and the other two older students besides him there. I figure one of them told her what was said and they were asking the others at the table what was said or if it was said. She didn’t say what was going to be done about it or anything else. Just asked and said okay.

I know this family has been in the school a long time and are close to them. I also know that they do not always do things just how they are supposed to be done. I do not know if they are just going to go to his parents and try to handle it that way or if they are going to report it like they should and let it be handled that way or if they are going to tell the family they are reporting it so they can figure out what to say or what. I know they are going to say they can’t tell me anything if I ask just that they needed to know what was said.

I wasn’t sure if it was county or city where the school is, I thought county but then was thinking about the one time that the police had to be called and who was there. Thinking of who was there I thought it was city so I called the police department and ask they said it was their area. I told her I wanted to make a report she said I could come in or they could have an officer come out to me. I told her I would just come in because I was not at that address, I was at home.

Of course by the time I got there they were closed so I had to wait to get in and then wait for an officer to come off the street to talk to me. One guy came in not sure what he was there and ask what was going on? I told him what happen what was said and that I felt it needed to be reported. He said he would get a paper for me to fill out to make the report and they would get on it and see what they could find out. I let him know that the student in question was between 18 and 20 that I thought he was closer to 20. He said so it isn’t a student? I told him no it is buy they have special needs kids there and kids with different things and that they can stay in school until they are 22. He went brought back the paper and an officer who had come in. She asked me more about it. I filled out the report and she was saying she didn’t know how to find out where the student lived with school being closed and us not having an address. The other guy said he is an adult so we can run him see if he has anything else or if comes up some way. She said it is an adult? I said yes and told her they take all kids and things. She said oh ah yeah we are going to get right on this we are going to do everything we can to make contact with him before tomorrow and see what we can do and what is going on. Make sure that nothing is brought to school.

As I sit here and write this I just had a phone call saying that they could not find anyone and get an address for him and wanted to know if I had any kind of emergency contact information for the school in case something was wrong or anything. I gave her the cell phone number I have. I guess we will see what happens from here. My kids are not going to school tomorrow. I am not sure they will be going back the rest of the week. Not until I know what ends up being done over this. I feel he should not be allowed to come back to school but I do not know what the school will decide. Until they do and tell me and tell me what they are doing to make sure that nothing happens I am not sending my kids back there. I am ready to pull them out and go back to homeschooling with them. I can order the same work they are doing right now and let them do it at home. I just may end up doing that.

{March 31, 2017}   Very draining Day

Just wanted to say I never use a persons real name when posting.

Today was my day to help at the older kids school and it started out in a crazy rush to get there. I woke the kids up at 7 as always and then I fell back to sleep because I had not went to sleep until after 3. I get up between 745 and 815 depending on what I have to do that day. Something woke me up at around 8 or a little after this morning I called the kids to see what they were doing and they were sleeping. They had not dried their clothes or anything else. We were a couple minutes late but not much. The teacher and one of the other parents were out front talking still. I walked up talked with them for a bit, she left we went inside. We did the morning pledge and thing got the kids caught up on the field trip tomorrow what we were going to be doing and the rules. They got to work I started working on writing the stuff on the back of the rocks they painted the other day. I don’t know if you all have a group around you but it is such and such county rocks. whoever wants to paints rocks then hides them around town for people to fine. We are going to put some in our down town area and take some on our field trip tomorrow. The kids painted them Tuesday and we were going to write the stuff on the back and then seal them. Well most the rocks were black so I had to paint over them with white paint then write on them. I finished painting and was in the middle of writing on them when we had a problem with one of the students that snow balled into a 3 hour or more ordeal.

The teacher walked by ask her to sit in the chair properly and put her legs down. It’s a girl in a dress siting across from a boy with her legs up in the air and all. She started she was sitting right and she wasn’t doing anything wrong and started to go into a melt down. She told her lets go in the other room and talk about it not where everyone is doing work, test ad studying. I started to go with her but I can see in the other room and hear if something happens. They have three class rooms all in a row that have a door in between and a window in between two of them as well. The teacher came back out and sat down and said now she has locked herself in the bathroom and won’t come out. The bathroom is in this little hall like area between the 2nd and 3 rd room. There is a counter on one side where the teachers have their coffee pot and microwave the other side is the bathroom. As soon as she said it I just had this thought and this feeling go over my whole body that she was going to do something I felt she may try to do something to someone or herself but I knew there was nothing in the bathroom she could do anything to herself with. I figured she stopped the toilet up and have it running over everywhere.

The teacher said I am going to give her 5 minutes to get herself together and come out. In a few minutes the kids started saying what was that? Then we hear her yelling or screaming. She got up and went to go in there I got up and went with her. I figured she probably should have a witness being she has to open this bathroom door and go in and still trying to talk to her and get her out. This is a newer child, and she puts me in mind of the type that would say someone done this or that to her and/or to just start swinging if the right mood hit. She knocked a few times she wouldn’t say anything wasn’t making a sound at all. She told her she was going to open the door if she did not come out. She still didn’t say anything so she open the door. The girl got up against it was trying to push it shut and hold it shut so she could’t get in. We talked to her a few minutes told her lets sit talk but she had to come out of the bathroom. She screaming yelling leave her a lone. She told her we were going to be calling grandma if she didn’t come out this went on long enough. She didn’t care she wasn’t coming out. Teacher ask me to go get her binder with phone numbers in it so she could call mom or grandma. The girl molly let go over the door a little like she was going to come out or let her open then turned right back around and slammed it, slamming it into the teacher and slamming the teacher Mrs. C’s back into the door frame. She is having trouble with her back already. I went got the book with numbers we went and called grandma. She said she wasn’t far she be there fast as she could.

We were standing there in the third room talking and she open the door looked around and when she seen us she went back in locked the door. Now we have kids that need to use the bathroom because this has been going on for about 35 minutes or so and it is the only bathroom we have. we open the door again she is sitting back on the toilet with it open and her clothes on. We just told her not to do that when the door was open the first time she was going to get her dress wet. We open it this time she says my dress fell in there and go wet. We said we told you that was going to happen, grandma is coming to take you home anyway but you need to come out others need to use the bathroom. No leave me alone screaming and yelling. At this point Mrs. C has the door open all the way leaning on it with her back against it and her heel on it to keep her from closing it again. She started trying to shove it closed over her she told her she was hurting her she say oh sorry, I didn’t mean to. Then do it agian, she said yes you mean to or you would not keep doing it then say sorry, you know if you do it, it is going to hurt she has told you three times. She starts yelling shut up you know your lying you can’t read my mind you don’t know if I am doing it or not.

We ended up sending one of the older boys with the other to take him to one of the churches bathrooms because we could’t get her to come out and we didn’t want to leave either of us there alone with her. In a minute she stood up walked out into the middle room. I was in a funny position the way we ended up standing there. I think I had walked away int that room but close where I could see and hear what was going on to talk to one of the kids. she came out. The teacher was right there behind if she turned to go back into the bathroom she have to get around her to get in there. I seen her looking I knew she was about to bold not to the bathroom but out the door. I looked at Mrs. C behind her back and said I said she looking to leave, as I was saying she is she bolted into the class where the kids were and out the door. I went after her and Mrs. C ran out the door she was next to. By the time we got to the grass and parking lot maybe three to five foot out the door grandma was there. She came walking up to us. Molly kept going she was telling her just get in the van they would go home and things she just kept going. She ran almost to the end of the little side street in front of the church. Grandma was still calling her telling her not to do this come back they could go home. Well there is a little wall there and she jumped over the wall and headed to the busy road in front of the church. I knew I couldn’t get to her going straight down and across like she did so I went to the side where I was standing to get up to the road to see where she was going and where she was at even if I wasn’t close to her. She was about half block or less away from me. She was standing on the corner looking at the cars flying by. I was calling her she was ignoring me. She ripped her shoes off and tossed them down and started lunging toward the road and the cars that were coming. I have ran across the yard at the church and now I am running down the parking lot on the side of this busy road. I was trying to call 911 why I was trying to run then trying to stop traffic on this busy road cars flying by because she is trying to run out in the road with car coming at her. I shoved my phone back in my pocket because I could’t look at dialing it, trying to stop traffic and trying to watch her all at the same time. I felt they needed to be called but in order for me to keep me and her as safe as I could and do everything I could to keep her safe I needed to focus on me and her and figured someone was calling the police.

I am trying to stop the traffic and they just ignore me and fly right on by. I am hollering for her to not go in the road to get back and she keeps acting like she is about to run in the road at any second. I stepped out in the middle of the road so traffic would hopefully stop and it did. But I could not see traffic coming from the other direction up by where she was because it was around a bin. I couldn’t stop them because they would have to pass her or be on top of her before they would see me. She looked seen there was no traffic coming I had stopped it and thank God there was none coming at that time her direction she took off running down the street again. I got on the sidewalk and went after her trying to at least just get caught up to her see where she was going so we didn’t lose her. Mrs. C couldn’t follow because we could’t leave the kids in class alone. I have no idea where grandma was because I figured when I stopped traffic grandma would be there in a minute maybe she could grab her or something she never came. she got ahead of me because we ere so far apart she rounded a corner and went down another little side street. I got to the corner there and I seen grandma in the van pulled up by her talking to her she wasn’t running or anything she was walking so I didn’t go any closer I figured she calming down she is talking to grandma she isn’t running I am don’t want to get closer and make her mad or upset her make her run again. I figured she get in they would come back around to the school, I turned around and walked back the way we came back to the school. As I was running by the corner where she tossed her shoes and left them a lady from one of the offices says those are her shoes as I ran by them. I knew they were she just seen everything that happen me trying to get her to stay out of the road and things. Did I really look like I had time to stop and make sure her shoes got picked up and weren’t in the road? I said yeah I don’t care about her shoes right now I have to get her before she hurts herself or gets lost as I ran by her. I was really annoyed that she even said it to me. I shouldn’t have been but it was just the stress of the moment and she meant well I am sure too. I went back by and they had picked them up out of the road and sat them on the sidewalk outside their business there so they would be seen. I picked them up and tried the door but they were locked. I went to go on back to the school and a lady came out. I said I am sorry I wasn’t trying to be rude we just have a situation with a student I am trying to make sure she is safe and things. She said no I understand was telling me she knew we were over there and they use to see us walk the kids down to the library all the time and the park last year and things she thought it was such a nice school. How good it seemed for the kids. I said yeah it really is we have a good group of kids but when you have kids like ours and sometimes things happen. I got back the school the teacher was all upset I was I felt like I was able to calm down stop worrying everything was okay then she asked me where they were and mom was there. I told her they were a couple streets over I thought grandma had her it seem like she was calming down. Mom drove over to them. We waited no one came back I went drove around about three streets sign of them. I think I missed them they took a side street they are at school. I get back there ask her she said no didn’t you find them? I said no I they are no where to be seen I thought they came back here. She said no. She tried to call mom she didn’t answer she tried a few times the last time she told her we had to report it to the police because we did not know if they had her or not if they did not call back in 5 minutes we had to report it because it had been so long no one came back to talk with us or anything. They didn’t call back. We called the police told them we had a student run from campus and that mom and grandma where looking for her but that we didn’t know now if they had her like we thought because no one would call us back or came back to take care of things. They ask the school name and address and said that the police were with grandma. I guess they didn’t have her either. They were still trying to get her or find her.

They sent a cop over to talk to use ask if she hurt anyone she said yes she hit her with the door and hurt her. They asked if she had threaten to hurt herself we told him no she didn’t say she was going to, but that when she ran she went straight for the road and what she had done and that once there were not cars coming at her or around then she went on running but before that she taken off her shoes and was going toward the road and acting as if she was going to go out in front of the cars until I had stopped the cars. He said that’s enough for me thank you and left. I said that’s odd they didn’t ask us to fill out reports or nothing. The kids all seen the cop come up and was already asking where she was when we came back in without her. All we could tell them was that the police were with grandma and they were trying to get her and give her the help she needed that they would let us know something in a little bit. Our one poor boy he is about 15 I think was so upset and sick. I felt so bad for him he was saying my day was going so good it was just going so good then this happen and I jut don’t feel good and I need to do something I didn’t know what to tell him to do or how to help him. I said draw, read, work on work, whatever you want to do here in the class is fine what will help you feel better? He said I don’t know I am sure you can think of something. I finally came him paper and told him get whatever he wanted to draw with and draw. He went back and put his head down for a while.

In a little bit Mollies mom came back to the door and said that the cops were back out front they wanted to talk to her to fill out the report and hopefully baker act her. She said I don’t know they said I can take her or they could or I could take her home, she said I can’t take her home like this she already ran on them yesterday or the day before. She said I don’t know what good taking her home will do. Mrs. C told her I be the one that needed to talk to the cop because I was the one that had the information that would let them backer act her because I was the one to go after her and things. We went out the cop ask me what happen I told him he asked if I felt she was trying to harm herself or take her life. I said yes I did because she kept lunging like she was just waiting for the right time to jump out in the middle of the street. She told them she just wanted to cross the street she was tying to go somewhere on that side. I said no sir she didn’t just want to cross the street, I said if that was the case and she wanted over there so bad why didn’t she then cross when I stopped traffic and she was standing there? I said once I stopped traffic and there were no cars coming she wasn’t interested in that street no more she headed for the other one. He said okay if you feel that’s what she was trying to do and that she was about to run in front of a car you will have to give me a sworn statement and write out a detailed report of what happen so I can take her or I have to give her back to mom. I said that is no problem at all I can do that if it means her getting help she needs. He gave it to me and I wrote it out and everything for him. He then wanted my idea and I gave him that and they went on. He told mom that he was taking her straight to the in patient hospital down south of us to go down in an hour or two and talk to them it would take him time to get her there and them to book her or whatever they want to call it and get her admitted.

They said she has been getting worse and worse at school and they have been having more and more problems from her at home as well. That they changed her medications and it don’t seem to be helping and things only seem to be getting worse. Mom said she didn’t know if she would be back once she got out or what they would be doing with her at that point. Mrs. C talked to the principal of the school finally after it was all over and she said she would be sending her a letter letting her know that she could not come back. She said they have had a lot of behavioral problems out of her prier to this as well and that they are not a school for kids with behavioral problems. The fact that she hit the teacher with the door and she ran was enough with everything else that has been going on to say she couldn’t let her come back. She said she is worried about others safety as well if she would do that wit the teacher. I kind of feel bad for her and think maybe they are jumping to soon to say she can’t come back at all but then at the same time I don’t know. Because part of it is the I’m spoiled I am going to do it just because I can and you can’t do anything about it or everyone look at me I am going to throw a fit because someone said something to me. Mom even said some of it she thinks she is just doing as well. Then some she can’t control. Maybe finding a school that deals with problem kids would be better for now for her.

I don’t know when the last time I ran so far, so fast, and in the heat. My head was pounding, my chest was burning and my heart was hurting. Here they started construction on the church today so there are these workers all out there watching, the people from the office across the street and the poor new people right on the corner we all drive by watching this. I almost fell down in the grass coming across the yard of the church trying to head her off and meet her on the road to make sure she didn’t’ get hit. This wasn’t just something that happen it was a big blow up but was under control in a few minutes the day went on. This all took place over a 3 hour or more time frame. The kids have lunch at like 1130 and it started about 30 minutes or more before that. We were not done dealing with it until just about two.

I guess when I decided to go back to the school just let grandma talk to her figured she could deal with her better without us involved she darted to the big main high way then back and forth up and down the side street and ended up back up to the road me and her was on and grandma had same kind of experience I did with her. She ended up calling 911 at that point.

After mom got her things and everyone left Mrs. C told the kids to clean up and they were going to start working. I said you may as well just let them play or something there is only an hour of school left and they are not going to be focused on work after everything that just went on. I said it ins’t like they are going to miss much anyway any no one here’s parents going to complain because their kid. She said yeah I am glad you said that I am still not with it they can just have move time until time to go home. So that is what we done popped in a move for them and tried to calm down and relax ourselves.

et cetera
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