{December 4, 2019}   3:16 a.m.

I am laying her stretched out in my bed wrapped in my blanket. Wishing I could sleep. Thinking about my friend who is probably up growing to the hospital for her surgery about now. I am worried about her. It is going to take about 10 hours to do it. I feel like shit I was going to call her and got busy at work and it got to late. I talk to her a few nights ago. She is scared. I feel so bad for her. I so wish I could be there for her.

She wants me and the kids to come stay with her for a bit so we can move up there where they are. I just want to go see her even if just for a day. I miss her being here and hanging out.

I have other things on my mind as well and in one of those moods where I don’t really feel anything just a void or emptiness. I have been feeling lonely a lot lately. It sucks when you want to feel that closeness there isn’t anyone there.

{November 18, 2019}   Cancer Sucks

Last week was already a hard week for me being sick and just feeling off. Wanting to cry and just really emotional. Yesterday I woke up sicker than I had been so far. I felt horrible Thursday then alright Friday and Saturday. Sunday I woke up and had next to no voice. I didn’t fall a sleep until after 4 am. I woke up at around 10:30 and everyone was sleeping still. I rolled over and went back to sleep. About and hour or more later, Little Bitty woke me up tapping me on the shoulder. I rolled over and she said I lost another tooth!! She has all the ones across the top in the front missing now. I got her to lay down and watch a show with me for another hour or so. Then I finally got up, took a shower and we went to pick something up for lunch.

The big kids wanted pizza roll things so we went and ordered those. While we waited for them we ran next door to get Little Bitty what she wanted. Oldest and her ran in to get it and I was in the car. I called my friend J and talk to her a minute. I seen she said somethings online. I thought her mom was sick again, she is here. I called she was out with her husband and granddaughter.

She said something about test or the doctor. I said what are you talking about? She said I told you….I said no. She said oh I haven’t talk to you yet. She proceeds to tell me that she has breast cancer. They have done a bunch of different test. More than they would of probably ever done here. That they were sure it is cancer in her one breast. The other test they done they feel she is at extremely high risk of getting it in the other as well. Her mom has had it as well.

She said she is going December 4th to get a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. They are going to do a tummy tuck and use that to do the reconstructive surgery. I didn’t release they could do that.  We talked a little more they had left and were driving she asked if she could call me back when they got home. She said she was having a hard time hearing me. With losing my voice and them driving I am sue it probably was hard I told her yes to call me whenever she got a chance.

I didn’t hear from her after that. Then this morning I got some text from her really early about 6 am. She kept saying she was sorry she hadn’t called me back. She said it was hard for her to talk about it and hold it together and how scared she was and thing. She is hoping to avoid chemo and radiation if she can. I know she is scared, I can’t imagine going through that, basically three major surgeries. Plus dealing with your doing this because of cancer and don’t know how it is going to turn out. Not like she knows oh they will do this everything is going to be okay like if it was your gallbladder or something like that.

She had cancer before when she was in her 20/30’s bad. She had female cancer then and I think, had everything removed then.

I know she is scared I feel so bad for her. I just sat in the parking lot and cried when we hung up. Then I pulled it together when the girls came out. I wish I was able to go see her even just for the weekend. If I had somewhere to leave the dogs and the kids. I just leave from work Friday night and get up there Saturday sometime. I leave Sunday in time to be home for work Monday. But I just don’t have the money or way to do it. I have to be here with the kids and need to do a few things to the car.

We had talked about us coming up for Thanksgiving a few months ago but we hadn’t talked much since then. I hadn’t brought it up because I knew things that have happen I wasn’t going to be able to go.


{August 22, 2019}   Will Be Back Soon

I have been missing the last week, my mouth/face has been bothering me. I at first thought it was my tooth, but now wondering if it isn’t this place that I was supposed to have removed causing me problems again. I don’t know if you were following then or remember but back the end of 2015 start of 2016 I had some problems and was going to have surgery. You can read about it here Surgery Next Week, Why Not.

At first I thought it was an impacted tooth I have that only half came in. But the last few days I think it is this thing that is causing me problems again. It hurts down in that area and up into my jaw by my ear. I can hardly open my mouth to eat even and it hurts on my cheek below my eye but not as bad as in my jaw and under it. I have TMJ but this is a different kind of pain. It feels like the tissue hurts not the bone or anything like that.

Not a lot going on looking into a new day job and still fighting with the guy over my truck. I will catch you all up on that soon. Hopefully I will be back tomorrow or Monday. Depends how things go.

{June 16, 2018}   Cancer Sucks

About the time I got home from working on the truck and crawled into bed my phone started dinging. I thought it was going to be Mr. To Broken. It wasn’t it was Starfish. I not heard from him in a few days i ask why he was quiet if something was wrong earlier or night before.

He said he was he been working and taking care of stuff at home. I told him i talked to him about my truck and was going to come get him the other day, but he never got a hold of me. He said it was okay. I told him I finally got my truck fixed I just came in from getting it done. We talked about that a little.

Then he told me he had a lot coming up to deal with and take care of. He said his moms husband needs surgery for cancer but they can not do it because he won’t come out of it. Said the doctor said he wants to see him back in 6 months if he makes it.

I ask how his mom was because he had said hers came back. He said no he misunderstood it was his that did not hers.

I don’t what to say. I just said sorry to hear. I know they aren’t close he isn’t crazy about him. But its still hard watch your mom deal with it go through it. She lost his dad in 14 or 16. Just before or after I lost my dad. I remember us talking about it before.

I ask if they put him on hospice or anything he said no. I don’t know health wise how he is doing. I know he is getting around and doing things still. So he may be okay for now, but who knows for how long.

Just pray for him that he isn’t in pain and don’t suffer. Pray for his mom who is going through this with him and dealing with all that comes with that. Pray for him why he helps them both through this. That he is able to stay strong and handle it. That he reaches out for help and to talk if he needs to instead of turning to other things. I told him if he needs to talk or needs anythung i am here.

{March 6, 2016}   Doctors and Work

Not much going on here right now, I finally get to go to  the doctor tomorrow to see what they say about this thing in my neck and face. I don’t know if I posted or not but I now also have a place right along the jaw bone on the bottom on the right side where the lymph nod is swelled up. It isn’t on the bone because I can move it and feel the bone is normal it is just like tissue or something in the skin I guess. Not sure really. It’s all just a mess, I have walked around with half my face swollen since December. It’s as lovely as it sounds. It is’t that bad everyone says but I notice it when I look at myself and I am sure others do to.

I am looking for a job still since the last one lied to us. I emailed them and ask them when we should expect phone calls. The lady said we all had to reapply. I ask why that they said all this stuff in the meeting. She said that once we had not worked for a week or two we were terminated out of the system. I told her that we were still owed our bounces so we should not be terminated out as of yet. She never replied. I also told her I already had applied for the position but still never heard back from anyone. I think they are not calling me back because I said something about not being paid what I was supposed to have been and made them fix it. I think they got mad about it. Oh well we go there and work because of the pay, hours, and things like that. If it is not what they told us then they need to fix it. If we get the job and do not show up for work or do not do the job or half do the job they are not going to keep us.

I am looking for something to do from home. I really want to open a business and right now have a lot of time to put into it but not a lot of money. I would like to open a resale shop but all the spaces around are renting for more than I can afford right now. I am trying to figure out if there is a way I can do it from home or rent a storage area and do it on the weekends or something. But to do it either of those ways I would need more money upfront because I would need to buy everything upfront and then sale it. Where if I had a shop to open I could take things in and pay the people as things sold. I am trying to figure out if there is a way to get a loan or something to help get started. I think all I need it a license and tax id number once I have a space. I have stuff I could put in there to sell to get started and could get more as I went and people knew about it. I am good with money and selling I think I could make it if I could just get started.

If I can’t do that I would like to find some kind of data entry to do online from home. I don’t want to do phone work with the kids. I would have to do it in the middle of the night why they were sleeping then get up with them in the mornings. With data entry I can do it anytime I have free even if they are awake. Like now while I type this my 5 year old is sitting here watching Scooby Doo and playing. If I was on the phone I would have to be locked away in another room somewhere and still hope that no one came in and said anything or the dogs didn’t start barking why I was on the line. I couldn’t answer random questions that he came over and ask or listen to the things he is wants to tell me about. I be a lot more stressed to.

I know there are ways to do these things and I can find the answers to most everything. But this kind of stuff I just feel so lost and no idea where to start. There so much involved in it all. I feel stuck not sure what or how to do or where to ask.

{February 5, 2016}   Still No Doctor

They told me two weeks ago I needed to get in and get this lymph nod and whatever is on it taken out. They said to get in to see a doctor right away and get a referral. They even said if I got a referral to this doctor she would see me and do the surgery right a way. Well I went that day even after not sleeping hardly and got the referral. Then I call the office to see when I could go in and they tell me no they can’t see me. I called and called around looking for a doctor to see me that went to one of the hospitals I wanted to go to and couldn’t find one. The only one I found would not see me in office only if they admit me and the insurance will not let them do that. I finally found one that will see me it took them a while to get a new referral because they can’t use the one I have they have to have one sent right from the doctor. Then they asked if I had xrays. I told her I had the CT and blood work in the hospital. She had to send to get them from the doctors office. They called told me the soonest they could get me in was the 18th. Great whats 2 to 4 more weeks of pain. Then they call me back yesterday and tell me the doctor looked at the test it’s self not just the report and feels that I need to go to an ENT not there so they are not going to see me. They said to call my doctor back and have them find me and ENT or find one and then call and have them send yet another referral and my test to them and wait for them to get in and decide what to do.

I was out with my grandma while she was getting test and things yesterday and did not get home in time to call around. I did get a few minutes to call one and they will  not see me either. I just tried to call the one that my oldest seen and they are not open today past 12. So now I have to wait until Monday and call. I hope they take it I am not crazy about him he don’t have the best bedside manner but he knows his stuff and is really good. He is just very straight forward blunt and do the point with things. I like that but at the same time with a doctor I don’t know there is just something about it.

This thing feels like it is swollen bigger to me. My mom says my neck looks swollen all the way around. but there is only the place on the right side still. I think the other is the thyroid is enlarged more, I think it was before and went down because I was swollen a lot the first time I went in and they didn’t listen to me. But they are more worried about the lymph nod right now because they said the thyroid wouldn’t make the lymph nod do this and they feel it is bothering the thyroid not the other way around. I have the paperwork I am supposed to go get the thyroid tested again in a month or two. But they thought I would have this out and be healed up by then. It looks like I will just be getting this taken care of.

I just wish the pain would go away. My mom telling me well the pain is going to come back if you don’t take the meds like they told you. I keep telling her the meds did not make the pain go away I walk around in pain everyday from it. Some days are worse than others and a lot of days by the time night rolls around I am in bad pain again. She even went so far as to say I was making it up and  not in as much pain as I claimed to be the other week. I think I haven’t been in as much pain as I was to start with because some of the swelling around it has went down. But now that it is starting to swell more it is starting to hurt more and worse. Even the therapist said yesterday when I took my son in that you can still see it but I look a lot better than I did the week before that I looked really ruff the week before. She laughed she said not saying anything but that you could really tell you were miserable and it was bad.

I still hate the idea of being cut open and having this thing cut out but. the pain trumps it all.

{January 30, 2016}   Random Thought # 1

The longer I have to wait the more I wish they had just kept my and did this operation last week when they decided it needed to be done. They have left me with way to much time to think about it. I do not want any surgery no matter what it is for. They told me at 5 weeks I may need a c section with my second baby. I told them he could stay in there, there would be none of that. Just like telling the doctor the other day I have had my gallstone for a few years now we are just fine together. But this is causing me so much pain and hurting so bad, like I said in my other post I would cut it out and hand it to them myself at this point it is causing so many problems.

The other day I was sitting around thinking about this and how they say they are just going to go in cut it out and biopsy it. I thought who was just sitting around one day and thought oh I wonder what would happen if we cut someone open and took this or that out of them? And who said oh sounds like a good experiment use me? How would anyone think oh I have all these body parts but I wonder how many and what ones you can take  out and still live without them? How did they react when they took something out that a person couldn’t live without and it killed them? Or they started to go? Oh guess we know now not to take that part out make a note and spread the news? Not only that but what about something to knock these people out and make sure they don’t feel the pain? Someone had to think of these things and make them.

I keep telling myself that it is just a little thing and they do this all the time now and that it is a simple operation. But then I think why is there tissue growing on it, where did it come from, what is it? I think about where it is in my neck and it’s right by the main artery that runs along your neck. I think wow if they do everything with these small little incisions now days how are they going to see that and not hit it? How are they going to have room to move the tools around? It seems like the size of an egg or golf ball, how is that going to come out of a little cut they make or even a few? I tell myself it’s going to be fine and really I am not all that worried about it one way or the other like you would think I would be or should be. I just have all these random thoughts more out of curiosity than worry or being scared. I want it over with because it hurts I walk around with pain in my face and head all day every day for over a month now. I have missed a bunch of work over it and I need to get back to work. I need to be able to go back as soon as they call me and tell me they have something and I need to be applying and trying to get something in case they don’t call back. But I don’t want to go get a job and then have to tell them oh I have to go get this done so I am going to need two or three days off or maybe more. I rather have it done and out of the way. It makes me feel sleepy all the time as well. I just hate the way it makes me feel and the way the meds make me feel.


{January 22, 2016}   Surgery Next Week, Why Not

I ended up in the er yet again this week over whatever is going on in my face and neck on the right side. I have tried to follow-up with doctors or urgent care and no one will see me or help me. They tell me the end of March or just don’t call me back at all. I was in a lot of pain again Wednesday and the place under my jaw on my neck has not went down any after being on everything for a week. I know this is not an infection there is more to it and something going on. They just don’t listen. I finally got father of the year to come over here about 9 or 10 and took myself over there. I started to go somewhere else but really didn’t want to drive all that far and don’t like the one that is closest so the place I use is already a drive. It probably about ten miles so not really a huge drive but when you don’t feel good and your pain and it’s late 2 miles feels like 20.

I got there and they took me back in just a bit. They didn’t look that busy from the waiting area but they had a lot of people in rooms but it was quite and not a lot going on. The triage woman did what she needed to do once she got me to a room and then the nurse came in and talk to me. They were all different from when I was there the last two times. Then a physicians assistant came in to talk to me said she would be taking care of me and wanted to know what all was going on. I explained to her what was going on and told her I been there three times in three weeks and that I couldn’t get in to see anyone and this is really bad. She started saying so your throat hurts and you have pain…

I stopped her and said no this is the problem they are not listening to me my throat does not hurt I’m not congested. I told her this is outside of my mouth, in my neck, up the side of my face around my ear, all around my eye and above it and it is only on the right side not on the left side at all. That it is in my cheek it is in the skin or under the skin but not in my throat inside my mouth. That the only thing in my mouth that bothers me is my tongue hurts sometimes or the rough of my mouth. that even that isn’t like when you have a sore throat it’s like bruised. She looked in my mouth and then pushed around on my teeth. I didn’t even flinch. I told her I know my teeth are not good and need to come out but that I know this is not from my teeth, I have had problems in my teeth and this is not the same they don’t even hurt. She said a virus wouldn’t go away with the meds it would take it a little while. I said but how long? She said weeks. I said how many? She said if that is what it is then it should go down in about two weeks. I said this has been this way for over three. I said I come in here and they act like I am just here because my throat hurts and I can’t take the pain or something and that isn’t how it is or what is wrong at all. I said I don’t come in here because I have a cold or sore throat if it was just a sore throat I would be at home waiting it out and going about my day as normal. I said I don’t run in here because I stubbed my toe or something. I said if you look at anytime before the last three weeks that I have been here and it isn’t that often you will see in your records that when I have come in, in the past it isn’t for something small you all find two or three things that are pretty significant things wrong. When I told her that and this has been weeks she said it normally goes down in two weeks unless there is some underlying something going on. I think we need to look into this further and do some testing. She said she was going to go run it by the doctor and see what she wanted to do.

In a bit the nurse came back in and said they needed me to take everything from the waste up off and put a gown on. He said they want to do a CT scan of the head and that he needed to start an iv and get blood they ordered a big blood work up. I got the gown on and he came back in to do the iv and blood. I told him they get it out of the hand. He said but they want to do contrast I need to get it in the arm. I said ok and he looked and looked at my left arm. He then went to the right and looked all over. He said what if I start it in your hand to get the blood work going and I will check with them in CT to see if they can use the one in the hand and do the contrast or if we have to try to go higher up? I said that’s fine and told him that the last time they did contrast they did it with one in the hand because they couldn’t get the arm then either. But that I also had to drink a cup of contrast stuff and they put some in the iv. He said I didn’t have to drink the cup of stuff just the iv. I said oh that may, make a difference. While we were talking someone came by with someone from the room by me and he stopped her and called her in. She came around the curtain and he told her he couldn’t find a spot in the arm but my hand was good and if they could use that for the contrast? She asked what they were looking at and things and if it was something and he said no he thought it was just something else. She said yes the one in the hand would be fine.

He got it right in and got all the blood they wanted, I laid there forever waiting to go for the test. About and hour or two later he came and said they were ready for me in CT and took me over. I got in there she said my blood work has come back and they could do the test. I guess they were looking for something in it before they did the test. She hooked the iv up and did the test and took me back to my room. I asked the nurse how my blood work looked when he came in and he said it looked really good what all of it he saw.

Finally after another few hours the doctor came in and talk to me, she said the one who talk to me when I got there had went home. She said that they did the test and that it shows the lymph nod is very in enlarged. The way she talked it is larger than it should be even if I was just sick and fighting some infection. She said she thinks it is pressing on a nerve going up through my face and that is why I am in so much pain. She said my thyroid also looked enlarged and that I needed to follow-up and get test on it. But she said the lymph nod needs to come out and be biopsied right away. They are worried how big it was and how long it has been this way. I told them I had been sick since the week before Christmas and it was that way then but I thought it would just go away but after I got over being sick it hadn’t and then started causing me pain and things and that is when I came in the first time so it has been this way a month not just three weeks I been coming there. She said they seen that.

They wanted to keep me that night and do it the next day and get it out and tested. She had already called the surgeon and talk to her about doing it before she came in to talk to me at like 3 am. She said they told her that my insurance would not pay for it if they kept me and done it. They said I needed to go to my doctor and get sent to the surgeon and it had to be done as an out-patient or in the office. I think she said out-patient. They gave me information for somewhere I could go and get seen and get the paperwork to go to the surgeon. She told me to get up and get a hold of every one in the morning and get in to see them and get the paperwork to see the surgeon and call her. I got into see the doctor yesterday afternoon by the time I got out it was too late to get with the surgeon. I called them today and waiting on them to call me back. I told them they said it was critical that I follow-up with her in 2 to 3 days and that I have all the paperwork. She said they had to get information from the hospital and would call me back in a few minutes. I am figuring they will get my in right away sometime next week. The doctor at the er said when she talk to the surgeon she said to get all my paperwork and get right in to see her and they would set this up to be done right away. I will probably have to go in for an office visit next week then have it set up unless she will just look over all the test and set it up from that. I am just waiting to hear back what is next.

I just want it done and over I am walking around in so much pain every day and not able to take the pain meds and things. I told my sister and a friend of ours I would cut it out myself and give it to them if I wasn’t worried about bleeding too much at this point I am in so much pain. If they said they wanted to take my right toe off and it would make the pain stop they could have it. I can’t do pain in my face and head this way. I don’t know how I am going to get through the weekend I have to go to work and work all day tomorrow 12 hours shift and again Sunday because if I don’t I am going to have no pay check. With all this going on I have had to take care of it and been in so much pain. I am hoping that it being the weekend and so slow there won’t be to many people there and I can get away with not having to have the headset on my head all day. I can hold it and put it on if I need to or they can find something else for me to do or something. I don’t know what to do but I got to work and I got to make money. I have nothing coming in but my paycheck to pay bills with. Father of the year is working but I am sure he isn’t going to offer to pay anything knowing that I have missed work and going to miss work having to have this done. I pray that the pain goes away when they take it out everything goes smooth and I can go back to work as normal the next day. I am not worried about anything else as long as the pain has stopped I can keep it bandaged until it heals and go to work. I have never in my life missed so much work at one job in all the time I have been at one.


{January 12, 2015}   What The Weekend Held

I have had my share of bad news and bad things happening for the year and we are only 12 days into it. What do they say what your doing for the new year is what you’ll be doing for the rest of the year? Or something like that. Not looking forward to that if there is any truth to it.

Saturday me and the kids got up went got the part for the truck, picked up a order we had at the store and returned a computer that needed to go back. I got them each a lunch-able and we headed to my dads to get the jack so the truck could be fixed. My dad came home with us to have dinner. The kids were excited about that.

No sooner than we got home hardly my brother came busting in not knocking or anything oh there you are. The lady next to us said she thought you left with her. Asking if we got the jack he knew we did he told us we could use it. I thought it might have gotten stolen. Why would you leave it where that could happen number one and if you told us we could use it and my dad isn’t there then that is probably where it is number two. You live 20 miles or more a way and you drive down here instead of picking up your phone and calling either of us when you have both numbers. Oh and he said he was working in the areas when my dad just said he was in the next county over doing something.

Then he started asking my dad if he wanted to go home. He said he would ride with him save me the trip. I told him I could take him home whenever he wanted it wasn’t a big deal. My brother said something about staying the night. I told him I had no problem with him staying I had no problem with taking him home when he was ready that night the next day. He said he was just going to ride back with him. I think he was tired and a little bothered by the kids because he was tired and they were playing. My brother had him out the last two days running around too so that probably didn’t help.

They left and my friend J and her husband was on their way over. He was fixing the truck and I told them I would make dinner because it would take him a little while to do it and it would be dinner time.

The boys were going in and out playing when my dad was here. He was sitting outside I had the dog tied up and the pups put up in the little play house. He left my little guy asked if he could go out and play I still had the door open and told him yes. Well I looked in a minute he was gone. I heard him in the back yard and people talking. I thought it was the little boy down the street his is the only one allowed to come over jump not ask me. I don’t let the other kids on it because the way they have done and acted in the past to my oldest. I called him he came around said I got new friends mom look they help me on the trampoline. I looked it was the other kids from around. They were nice and polite and things to me I told him he could go ahead and play. I told my older son to go play too. Figured we try again its been a long time since they tried to make friends before. They all played together for a while.

My little bitty wanted to go out so I took her out. I been going back and forth checking on them and watching them through the window. Me and her walked back there for a little while watched them. She wanted to get on I told her later. She walked off to the carport to look at the pups in her house. I walked around to see what she was doing. In a minute I hear crying wasn’t sure who it was at first. I get back there it’s my little guy he is on the trampoline one of the kids is holding him wiping his face and trying to make him feel better see if he is ok. I go to see what happen. Someone didn’t zip the net when they got in or out and he hit it and fell out. The thing sits higher than my waste he hit the ground.

I had him move his arm all around and wiggle it and things it seem ok. He wanted to go in. I figured it hurt it was a hard fall he is little didn’t blame him for wanting to go in. Well about that time my friend J and her hubby came up. She went in and looked at it and checked him all out said same thing he seemed ok probably just hit hard just hurts. He went to his room I figured to watch tv lay down.

Me and her were going to the store to grab some things. The boys were going to stay her why her husband worked on the truck. Something told me check him before we went i hadn’t heard or seen him in about 15 minutes. Figured he fell a sleep. I open the door he was laying on his bed no tv nothing crying. I walked over to him talk to him. He say mommy my arm it hurts bad I can’t move it. I looked at it again now it had huge knot swelled out on the side by the elbow.

I told my friend J I had take him get looked at. She kept kids and made dinner. We went over to the hospital I go to most the time they looked at it said no food nothing to drink and had x ray in there no sooner than me could get in the room good. They had to move it around and take two x rays he screamed he was in so much pain.  I felt so bad for him. The doctor came and got me had a lady waiting to go in the room next to us to do lab work sit in and talk to him why we talked. He took me to the nurses station and showed me the x ray and where it was broke and things. She said we can’t touch it he needs a kids orthapedest to take care of it. We are making arrangments to transfer you out. We will have to send you to a hospital that was about 4 towns over, Arnold Palmer for women and children or Nemours. I said send him to Nemours. He said ok. I asked him to please give him something for the pain that he was in a lot had been for a little bit now and they been moving it around. He said ok.

The one has a peds ward but they handle mostly adults and have mostly adults doctors there. Arnold Palmer I have only ever been to once in my life and had never been treated so bad in my life. I refuse to give them any more money or go there again.

They gave him shot of morphine I was surprised as little as he is. But it worked he was lot happier and talking to everyone. All the ladies were coming in talking to him and things. They went to the lab and brought him a ton of stickers after his shot.

They told him he got to ride in a ambulance he was trilled. They got there to pick him up. They came with the stretcher he said are you my ambulance? He just talked and talk to them. They told him when we got out of town a way from everyone they would turn on the lights and things for him. The poor little guy fell a sleep before we were even a 1/4 of the way there. I figured he be upset he missed that part but he wasn’t.

We had to be seen at their er so they could decide how they needed to treat him. They weren’t busy at all a few were coming in and talking to him and things. One of the guys came in asked him if he liked restling I told him he didn’t really know what that was. He asked him if he liked ninja turtles he said yes. He left and came back in a few minutes gave him a talking turtle action figure. You push the button on his back he moves his arms talks. It was the blue one made it even better. He couldn’t wait for me to get it out of the box.

The doctor came in said they took our cd with the x ray on it to the x ray department he was waiting to see them. He said if it wasn’t to bad they could give him something that would make him kind of like he was sleep but he seem like he was awake maybe and set it right there in the er. But if it was to bad they would have to take him to the or put him under and take care of it. He left and came back in just a few minutes and said I am finding him some food and something to drink he is going for surgery first thing in the morning. He can’t eat or drink after 12am. It was already 10 pm. He hadn’t had anything since about 2 or 3 we were getting ready to make dinner when this happen.

They took us up to his room on the 4 th floor. We have never been there but it is a very nice hospital all the newest stuff and any kind of doctor the kids need to see are right there. When he got to his room they told him he could change the light to make it the color he wanted so he made it blue. The room was all lit up blue. They have a bunch of movies on the tv already they don’t have to have a dvd player or ask them to put one on. You just his a button that says movies and it pulls them all up. He spent most his time watching movies. I think he liked it better than netflix.

They would come in and talk to us and they would tell us about his or that and then ask if I had any questions. I ask them whatever or say no, then I would ask him do you have any questions you want to ask. He looked at a couple of them and said I have one. They ask what he say what you think I’m going to be when I grow up? He even asked the surgeon when he came in.

The surgeon said he broke the elbow it was bent the opposite way than it should have been. He said the good thing was that he didn’t damage the nerves, mussels or blood vessels or artery. He could still move, feel, and had color to his fingers. He said he was going to go in bend it back the way it should be and put two to three pins in it then a cast. He said the pins would go through the skin they would take them out once he healed. They wouldn’t be something he would have to have the rest of his life to worry about. I was glad about that but probably something that will still always give him trouble at times.

He said they were set to start at 8 and that it would take about 30 to 40 minutes. They took us down gave him something to calm him down so he wouldn’t be scared when they took him back and we didn’t go. They called me from the OR and said that they were starting. It was 8:24 by 8:48 the doctor was standing in front of us telling us he only had to put two pins in and they had the cast on. That he didn’t have to split the cast so he didn’t have to come back for three weeks. He said that when we go back they will do a x ray before we see him and then we will see him. He said it should be healed they should be able to take the cast off and pull the pins right there in his office. Scary thinking they are going to pull the pins out in office. I don’t know if they give them any thing for pain or not but I hope they do because if they are through the skin and in the bone all healing around them. I think that would be really painful to take out. I guess we will see. He told us what to watch for and to take him to our hospital if any of them happen. He said any of the doctors over there should be more than ok to handle any of them. He told us what to watch for and when to call him and come back and see him as well. I really liked him he was really nice seemed to really know his stuff and to care. He didn’t seem like it was a bother he was there on a Sunday to do this and to take care of him or anything it was just like it was any other day to him.

He said they wouldn’t call us back until he woke up but said it shouldn’t take long. It was about another 20 or 30 minutes before they came and got us. We didn’t even get to where we could see him and I could hear him upset and crying. I thought because we weren’t there but when we got to him it was because he was in so much pain. He was in a panic and so upset. His blood presure was through the roof he was screaming at them to take his cast off and begging me to take it off. They said they gave him something for the pain. They were getting a hold of whoever they had to get a hold of to get him something else. Whatever they gave him it seem like they just gave him candy he act as if he had nothing. I think the anesthesiologist ended up giving them something to give him because it was so bad and it was taking so long. Because when we were being taken out to go back to his room one of them said something about something being on the cart. The other said that’s that med I have to trash and record. I think it was what came up after they gave him something. I know he had to of scared the little girl next to us to death. He was the first of the day she was next.

We ended up being there until about 7 last night. They had to watch him to make sure he went to the bathroom, eat and keep his food and drinks down and then give him meds by mouth for pain and able to keep them down. He did good once he woke back up from the meds they gave him down stairs.

It was so sweet the doctor told us before we went down what he was going to do and said something about making him go to sleep. He got upset and said but I don’t want to go to sleep it’s day time. When they gave him the dilaudid because the other pain med didn’t work it knocked him out. When they got him back up to his room they took the stretcher into his room pushed it up to his bed and the two ladies asked father of the year if he could help them move him over to his bed. They din’t want to bump his arm. They started pick him up said we are going to move you. He got mad said I’m trying to sleep. Went right back to sleep before they got him moved that fast. After being so worried about having to go to sleep and it being morning. They would say something about his fingers and he would tell them I only have 4 fingers and then a thumb.

We got his pain meds and they are supposed to last him for 6 hours he can’t have any more at all til 6 hours. About 3 hours after giving it to him he was crying in pain begging for more for me to take him to the doctor. They told me I could give tylenol first tomorrow and if it didn’t help them give him the stronger pain med. But the stronger one isn’t lasting as it is. They said the two could be given together so when he started crying and I could tell he was really in a lot of pain I gave him tylenol to help till I could give him the other again. But I didn’t like doing that and didn’t know if it was good to do to much. This morning again it wasn’t no time he was hurting and crying. Telling me I want to go to my doctor. I got them ready and took him. She said he was about the 4 th one she had seen in the last month they operate on and send home with the same stuff. She said it don’t work. I have to give something else. She said I am going to give you tylenol with codeine for him. I told her it was time for him to have the other in just a few minutes. She said take it go right there get it filled and give him it not the other. We went to one of the stores we always use and they told me it be a 2 hour wait or more. I said I need this right a way to give as soon as I get it is there any way you can get it filled for him. The guy said no we are doing other stuff and shots. I said ok give it back. He looked like he couldn’t believe I was making him give it back. I said I can’t wait two hours I am not letting him sit in that kind of pain for two hours or more.

I took it across the street to this little discount place that has open up they got it for him in just a few minutes. I didn’t think they were going to give it to me because I forgot my id at home. I told her look he is 4 he broke his elbow he just got out of surgery yesterday he is in a lot of pain and they had to change him to this. We just got it from the doctors she wants him to have it right a way not the other. She looked seen it was for a kid and not that much and they filled it. She only gave him 10 tsp of it. Not like there a lot I could do with that really. I took it right out and gave it to him before we left. That was at 3 and I just had to give him more at 10. So it lasted him 7 hours. He can have every 6 to 8. He did ask once around 8 he had another hour before he could have it. I told him he needed wait a little longer he went back and laid on the couch. I could tell it wasn’t to bad because he wasn’t crying and didn’t come back in just a minute. I think it he was just starting to feel it some. I kind of forgot I had got busy he came back this time a little upset and saying it really hurt he needed his meds now. By that point he made it to the 7 hour point I gave him some.

They say the pain should be gone by tomorrow or Wednesday. I hope it is because it isn’t really the cast bothering him as the pain is. I think if the pain goes a way he will be ok. We told him what a tough little guy he was how his cast made him look tough. The kids want to sign it and things for him. I asked him if I could be the first to sign it when he wasn’t hurting he said no he didn’t want anyone too. He might change his mind. It’s blue so he don’t want them to mess it up. I told him he could tell the doctor what color he wanted. I don’t think he believed me. I said he wants a blue cast they said oh ok we can do that. he came out seen it they had pain under control he was showing us all.

But I am sure it is going to be a long three weeks. Then I got the call that it wasn’t the part we thought on my truck it is the cooler itself that is broke so I need it too. It is a $160 part. I am not putting that kind of money into it at this point. Not when I am getting something different in a month or so. I can drive my dads for now. He don’t need it he can’t drive and if it isn’t at his house he can’t get in it and go any way. He been wanting too.

So that catches everything up I think for the most part. We shall see what tomorrow holds for us.


et cetera
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