{November 27, 2017}   Day 3 Black and White Challenge

Day 3 black and white photo challenge. Post a black and white photo for the next 7 days. No people no comment or explanation just a photo. Then challenge someone new every day.


{February 6, 2017}   Going To Bed

I guess I am going to go to bed, I came here with a couple things to to tell you all tonight and now that I finished my first post I have no clue what they were. Maybe I will think of them tomorrow but who know’s. I am extra tired tonight and I am not sure why, but I have been going every since I left for school at 1030 this morning. Then dealing with my sick Little Bitty most the day today on top of it all.

She has been in a lovely mood to say the least, I had to talk her into going to school for a few hours just so I could go to my class. Before you give me the mother of the year award or tar and feather me for sending my kid to school sick to make other sick let me say, she is not contagious or I would not have sent her. She keeps getting something like swimmers ear and that is what is going on again. When I got up she wasn’t up or dressed yet, when we were telling her to get up and lets get to school we were going to be late she was having a fit she wanted to stay home and sleep all day. I finally just decided she wasn’t going to go I was going to have to call my teacher or go in and let him know I wouldn’t be there today and hope he didn’t get to mad. We got to school to drop Little Guy off and she gets her lunch and decides she wants to go to school. I told her I was going to stay home with her if she felt that bad. She said no she was okay if I was going to come pick her up right after my class she would go for a little bit. We got out almost 30 minutes early I went straight and picked her up. They were just laying down for nap time and she was thrilled that I really came. We spent the day together running around. We went down to the down town area and checked out a new thrift store walked around looked at some of the shops. We went past the tattoo shop I asked her if she wanted to get matching tattoos? She said yes she thought we should get tigers. I said okay sounds good, then I said you could get one that says mommy and I could get one that says Little Bitty. She said no I like tigers. I said okay we can get matching tigers. She said no I want a tiger you get Little Bitty. We were walking along I said well we are done looking guess it is time to go get them tattoos. She said oh um maybe tomorrow would be good for that. I said but you said today lets go, she kept saying no I think we should wait until tomorrow and going on and on. Then she said but it will blood and it will hurt. I told her it would not bleed that much if at all and that it didn’t hurt. She said well I’m scared so maybe tomorrow and every day I can say tomorrow. She smart kid I’ll just say tomorrow every day. She is so funny and cute.

I am off to sleepy land I hope, maybe I will think of the things I wanted to tell you all. If I do I will let you all now I figured it all out.

{July 11, 2016}   Jimmy Ryce Act

First for those who do not know what this this, it was signed into law in 1998 and went into effect in 1999. This says that all violent sex offenders must be held after their sentinced has been served and evaluated to see what the odds are they will become repeat offenders. If they feel that they are at high risk of being a repeat offender then they can involuntary commit them to a “treatment” center to be rehabilitated. They go once a year in front of the judge to try to get out he can decide if they have been rehabilitated then they can be released.

But I am not sure how good the law is working when a person already has charges against them, did time got out got more charges and time and just a circle like this racking up more charges. They have been found incompetent to stand trial at one point and committed somewhere, then was competent enough to later, did more time and got out. Then was finally held on the Jimmy Ryce Act only for the judge to dismiss it. He we are almost ten years later more victims and charges later and they think hum maybe we should try to keep him under the Jimmy Ryce Act again. In the mean time every time there are new charges or they want to try and keep him under this act they call back all the victims to come to court again. Every time they think it is finally behind them it’s knocking on their front door again. We are talking some are now adults with almost grown kids of their own down to kids who maybe teens some probably not even, who have to relive this over and over again.

The sad part is for all the charges that stuck and time was served he has just as many that got dismissed for whatever reasons. Most of the charges where before they tried to hold him the first time on the Jimmy Act. So at what point did anyone doing this evaluation or even the judge for that matter feel that he wasn’t at high risk of being a repeat offender? If he is not at risk of being a repeat offender then who the Hell is? Why have these treatment centers if they are going to sit empty?

I don’t understand at this point why he is even getting to leave prison and have the chance to become passably a repeat offender again to start with. If you have that many charges for messing with a child, hurting a child or doing anything to a child, you should get a fast pass straight to the front of the line for injection, electrocution, or a room with the parents of the children you hurt while everyone goes to lunch or takes care of other business. I don’t mean the kind of fast pass where you sit in prison for 30 or more years before they finally decide to do it, fast pass means you leave court and go to the facility where it is to be done and it is done in a timely matter not to be more than 7 days weekends and holidays count. If they must turn you lose and let you breath the air and walk the streets with the rest of the world they should be allowed to have pedophile, predator, rapist or something like that tattooed across your forehead so that you have to live with looking at it every day just as the victims live with what was done to them every day. And so that everyone who comes into contact with you knows what you are and what your all about. If we done even one of these two things I bet you we would see a huge decline in these kinds of crimes. It would probably just about do away with these kinds of crimes.

Yes there would still be the ones who done it here and there and who would hide it or try to hide it. But I think just as many people or more would speak out. Some may say this is to harsh and what if they didn’t do it or they can change, I am sorry but I don’t think it is to harsh, I do not feel they can be rehabilitated and trusted not to do it again. If the therapist feel that strongly about it then are they willing to leave their children alone with them? They “fixed” them made them “better” are they willing to hire them to work around their house with their families, heck they aren’t likely to do it again why not hire them to watch your kids? If you think I am being to harsh would you be willing to do these with your kids or family?

I am not talking about these kids or guys that get in trouble for being 18 or 19 dating a 16 or 17 year old. I am talking about these guys and girls because there are just as many women they are finding doing these things to kids as men, who are adults well into their 20 or more or 18/19 messing with kids. Or teens that there is no boyfriend girlfriend relationship or even if there was if they say no it’s not. But you get what I mean.

{June 1, 2015}   Nothing Good To Say

As you all know I got the tattoo I wanted in memory of my dad in March, you can see it here My New Tattoo. I hadn’t shown it to my mom but I hadn’t hidden it from her either. It’s on the top of my foot and I wear sandals of some kind all the time. I been over there I figured she seen it.

Well Memorial day weekend we went over to my sisters for her little boy’s first birthday. The kids were all playing in the little pool she had. I brought my little one in and sat down on the floor with her to change her clothes and things. I had taken my shoes off because they were wet. I stretched my leg out in front of me and my sister looked over and said what’s that when did you get it? She hadn’t seen it but I hadn’t really been around her. I showed her and everything. My mom was sitting there and she not even got close enough to see it really she is sitting on the other end of the couch behind where I am sitting. She starts it looks like a green blob or smeared mess all ran together. Why would you get that? Why on the top of your foot? It’s something else I don’t even know what she said at that point because I am trying to not say anything and start at the babies birthday party. She said something else i said you haven’t even looked at it you can’t see as it is then you sit across the room and try to see what it is or what it looks like. In a little bit she got up to do something and came over there and looked at it she started about how big it was and on my foot and all this again. I said it had to be bigger to make the letters and numbers readable and that I needed to go back and have it touched up because they needed to be a little darker but that when they do it they can only do so much at one time and working with something so tiny you can only do so much work on it.

She started about how it was on my foot and when you get a tattoo to remember someone you don’t put it on your foot blah blah. I said I had wanted it on the inside of my arm but that it had to be bigger than I had planed so I decided on my foot. She just kept on about how it shouldn’t be on my foot and why would you want a tattoo on your foot. I said just because that is where I wanted it and that i seen nothing wrong with it on my foot.

She says how she likes something simple like mom on the arm. I said yeah that is nice but I didn’t really like that for myself I felt what she was talking about would be something you see more on a guy. Then she starts if you ever get one for me or feel like getting one for me don’t put it on your foot. I don’t want to be in your smelly shoe. By this point I had enough and said oh don’t worry I won’t. I’m going to put your picture on my left ass cheek. She just laughed and everyone just laughed like I was joking. But I really wasn’t I was mad.

I don’t know maybe I was wrong for letting it get to me but it did. It hasn’t been that long since my dad passed and it is really none of her business what I get or do, but she always has to say something about anything I do and she never has anything nice to say at all. She always so negative or has 20 reasons why you should do something else and not what you did or are doing. Just like when I told her I was going back to school, she said well if that is what you really want to go for like it was the end of the world then on and on about why I need to go for this or that or something else. Then almost every time i talk to her she ask if I have decided what I am going to go for. I tell her yeah I did I told her to start with she knows I did. She says I just think you are making a mistake and I would never do that you have this responsibility and people do this or that and there is this risk. No matter what job you have you have some kind of responsibility and people are going to do things and there is some kind of risk. I don’t care if you work in a office, store or a flower shop or portrait studio. I have done it and you have people who are going to be rude and nasty, you risk getting robbed, and a ton of other things. Maybe not all the same risk as other jobs but they all have some kind.

She hasn’t said anything else about my tattoo but I am sure the next time she thinks of it or I’m there and she see’s it she will again. I am surprised she didn’t start about how much it cost and that I shouldn’t have spent the money on it that I should have spent it on something else.

{March 24, 2015}  

I haven’t written a lot the last month and a half. I am still struggling to deal with the loss of my dad. I have ok days and I have bad days. Don’t think I really have any good days. Maybe the ones where I get out of bed and do something, get dressed and leave the house. Really they are just ok days not like I do anything great just get everyone to their appointments and where they need to be. So we will stick with ok days and bad days. Seems best for now.

I did take the boys out and get them so clothes and myself a couple shirts that we have needed. I got the baby a couple dresses and a outfit. I still have to take my big girl shopping when she gets home. Really I did it because the baby was sleeping in her stroller and I didn’t want to be home. I bounce between not wanting to get out of bed to not wanting to be in the house and just having to get out. She wasn’t fussing and I had to go to the store anyway so we shopped.

I haven’t been food shopping and stocked the house in I can’t tell you when. I send father of the year to grab stuff to go with stuff we have to make meals or to get something to make. If I have to I will get out and go get it. I really got to get the house restocked it is costing way to much money. But the way I have felt the last thing I want to do is go shopping. I don’t like being around the crowds and dealing with the people.

I am starting to want to do something with the house it has gotten really out of control to the point of its bothering me I got to do something. Father of the year took his bed and some other stuff to his new place last night. We have been going through things in the kids room and the playroom.

I am getting rid of most everything in the play room. What they do get to keep is going in bins in their rooms in their closets. I have money sat aside to order bookshelves for out there to put all mine and the kids books on. I am ordering 4 of the tall ones and 4 of the smaller ones. The taller ones are for my books, while each of the kids will each get one of the smaller ones for their books and school stuff. I am also putting their desk out of their rooms in there and a desk for the computer. This way they each have a place to sit and do school work and keep their laptops. The other desk for the little kids. They are learning to use the computer right now it is on a table that sits up high with stools at it. I want it down where they can reach it not be up so high. This way they can work it better and I don’t have to worry about them falling.

I am so glad that father of the year is moving. This is it no matter what happens he is not going to be coming back here to stay. The office called me today about my lease it is up at the end of the month she wanted to know if I would be signing a new one or what. I told her I had to because right now I can’t move. Everything cost so much that I would have to pay 2 or $300 more in just rent I don’t have it. She said ok she was going to have them write it up and would get back to me we hung up. I thought as soon as we did that father of the year is on the lease. I called her back and told her that I wanted it in just my name so that he can’t just say he is on it he is moving back in. Because if he is on it I have to let him. She said she would send it in just my name he may have to sign a paper saying the deposit went to me or something like that. I’m not worried about it if he dose he dose if he don’t he don’t. They can give it all to him. It worth it to be rid of him. I don’t think it will be a problem. I haven’t told him I am signing a new lease or that he may have to sign anything. I am just going to wait see what happens. If he don’t have to go down sign anything then I am not going to tell him I signed a new one. He thinks I am looking for somewhere to move and just going to do a month to month. It isn’t a big deal but to me it is none of his business. I have had to tell him and deal with him on everything now I don’t. It has nothing to do with him it is mine to take care of and be responsible for.

I hope that he will be out by Wednesday or Thursday night. I can get everything out there set up. I have to wait on the bookshelves because I have to order them still and then they have to be brought. I wanted to order the little’s new car-seats but they were out of stock. If they are not back up by tomorrow I will probably just go ahead and order them place another order later.

Good news my little bitty is starting to potty train. As long as I let her run around naked she uses the potty. Yesterday she went to take a nap she was naked. I put a diaper on her once she goes to sleep just in case. I was laying on my bed reading a book forgot. about a hour after she went to sleep she got up went got on her little potty and pee then went back to sleep for a while. I was impressed because she still wakes up wet after naps and soaked in the morning. Lot of mornings I wake up she has gotten up in the night took her diaper off laid it on the floor and went back to sleep naked. Everyone says she is my child because she don’t like clothes.

The other kids are doing pretty good my oldest is staying with my mom for a little bit. She should be home by the weekend. The boys have been being boys. My 9 year old is growing up so fast he is going to be 10 in September he is starting to get attitude and lazy. Have been after him for weeks to clean his room he hasn’t. Finally his dad went in there and cleaned it for him yet again. He seems to not mind doing laundry so he has been on laundry duty the last few days. It has gotten neglected with the rest of the house. He seems to be getting on top of it. At least getting it washed and dried folded we have to work on. Right now it is on his sisters bed. At this point I feel if I have to go through their playroom and pick up clean up and get rid of stuff because they don’t and he has to clean their room they can wash the clothes. He is teaching his little brother how to do them and having him help. I shouldn’t have to try to catch them up and do everything else.

I am also taking part of this money and ordering all of next years homeschool stuff so that we have it and can start it when the time comes. I am going to get them started on a program on line to finish out the rest of this year and call it a year. The kids here get out the first of June. I think I will have them work until first of July and then give them July and August off start September like we did this year.

My mom is flipping out they haven’t done enough they aren’t learning and blah blah. I am not worried about it they say you should deschool at least a month for every year they were in school. That would be 9 around months for my oldest and 7 for my other. They both read all the time and are always looking stuff up on line they want to know about. We are going back to our homeschool group Thursday as well and I am going to a meeting about getting them both into Classical Conversations for next year. They only go for 24 weeks a year not 36 like the public schools I am sure by the time we get done this summer we will have at least that done for this year.

Saturday was a hard day when I went to get my dads tattoo. My friend went with me and sat there and talk to me why he did it we got on the subject of my dad all I could do was cry why he was doing it. He said he lost his mom when he was 12. I can’t imagine losing my parent that young. Hearing that makes me feel selfish because I did get so much time with my dad that people like him and other kids I know didn’t with their’s.

I’ve not been sleeping for a while now. It is different than when I can’t sleep other times. I get to sleep and start to sleep really good and all of a sudden wide awake for no reason and can’t get back to sleep. When I wake up I have only been sleeping for maybe 45 minutes at the most. I may fall a sleep here and there through the night but only for a few minutes and then up again. I finally fell asleep late in the night last night probably closer to this morning and sleep for a while. I got up once to give the baby a bottle and figured I be up after that but I felt so tired I went right back to sleep for hours more. But now here I sit at 11:50 pm wide awake again.

Trying to get the house moved around and back under control has been way more stressful than it should or has to be. I can’t left and move most of the stuff and need father of the year to get his stuff out of the way. I have been asking for a month or more for him to move his stuff pack it get it out of the way and help me move the other stuff and get it moved. He don’t or waits until late to start then cries and bitches that it is late he is sleepy he has to work in a few hours or waiting on calls he should be sleeping. But it don’t matter that he just had 2 days off and didn’t bother to do anything. Now that he finally has his stuff out he is supposed to help me get all the big stuffed moved to the room it goes in and my friend is going to come Wednesday and Thursday to help me move everything around go through it. We are getting everything ready for the relay for life yard sale so we can donate the money to it.

That all the fun that has been going on in my life the last few weeks month. I have done really good at not drinking I do have to say. I lay there at night and think if I just had a drink or two I would probably go to sleep and get a good nights sleep but I don’t. Or I sit here and try not to think about things and it just nags and nags me in the back of my mind that a drink would be really good right now how relaxed i would be and not so stressed out. It seems so crazy to me because I am not really a drinker her and there once in a while sitting around talking with friends or if I go out I might have a couple. Never when I am going through something like this other than the one night last month when I drank that one night. That is the first and only time I had ever drank like that. But lately I have wanted to more often than not. I am hoping getting us back into going to the homeschool meetings and starting school work again and getting the house in order will help turn things around make things seem less stressful.

I think I need to write more again as well it always seems to help me feel less stressed too. My goal I think will be to write at least every other day for now.

{March 21, 2015}   My New Tattoo

I finally got to the place to get my tattoo for my dad. I got a quarter because growing up me and my dad collected coins and money. I stopped long ago he kept collecting and left me the collection. Also growing up and up until right before I got married he always had quarters on his keyring one with each of mine and my brothers birth year on it. He got in a accident and I wasn’t able to get his keys out of the truck. Why I picked a quarter, its supposed to be like a bicentennial the 1954 is his birth year and then this year. I have to go back I just noticed he didn’t put a mint on it. I am going to have them add a G right behind the hair for Georgia where he was born. R.I.P. Daddy


{January 3, 2015}   Tattoo Debate

I got a $100 gift card for Christmas of I am going to use the card to get things we need for the house and take the money I would have spent to replace the gift card. I had decided I wanted to take the money and get a tattoo.

I was going to get a anklet with a puzzle piece with birthstone colored stones for each of the kids on it. I think I want something a little different right now bigger maybe.

Then I decided to wait on that because I wanted to get something for my two little ones since I don’t have one for them yet. But I still have no idea what I want to get for them. I am still debating something together or one for each. I have one together for the two older ones. I just don’t feel it’s the right time to get one for them. That I should wait.

I decided I was going to wait until I got my divorce and get one then. I want to do something on my foot. I have been tossing around ideas. But as we all know I have time to think about it and decide.

After New Years day I decided I want get a tattoo for my dad. I have been thinking about what to get and came up with two ideas. I want to find someone who can draw to sketch them out for me so I can see how they would look.

The first idea I had was to get angel wings in the shape of a ribbon like a cancer ribbon. With the loop shaped like a heart and in the color of the cancer he has his name and date on it.

Me and my dad use to collect coins together, I haven’t messed with it in a while and he has continued over the years. I was thinking of getting a coin maybe the size of a half dollar. Make it a bicentennial just put the year of his birth on it. Thinking I think I will do a quarter not half dollar. My dad use to have quarters on his key ring one with each of our birth year on it. I hadn’t thought of that in a long time and just thought of it as I write this. I still like to get them both sketched out and see how they would look. I have to decide where I want to get it as well. I think I will go get it this week when father of the year is off.

I don’t even know if I will show it to him. He isn’t crazy about tattoos and really don’t like them on women. But I really like them and think it will help me get thought all this. I can go back later and have the other year put on it.

et cetera
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