{December 5, 2016}   Medical Stuff

I am sure there will probably be lots of it to come in the future as well. I thought I was supposed to go to the doctor on the 9th and got a call on Tuesday saying it was on the Wednesday. I went in and they said that my breast are full off cyst, but nothing looks like cancer. They would just have to keep an eye on it. I don’t know if that means I will have to go in once a year or every few years for test again or just if I have other problems besides pain. The letter I got from the place that done the test said to come back when I am 40. That would be in 4 years. Wow never really thought about turning 40 or how close it really is until I just typed that. When thinking about it, it seems so far away.

Anyway she then went on to the thyroid test I had at the same time. I knew they found something in it because I didn’t get a letter or anything about it. She said they called me and told me. I stopped her and told her no no one ever called and told me anything at all about it. But that I figured they found something because I didn’t get a letter about it. She said they found many tumors or nod-gels on the thyroid and that I need to have a biopsies on them.

I ask how many there was and what size they are but she said it just said many and since it is many they don’t do all that. I have to go to a endocrinologist they will do a ultrasound to see them and then take a needle and stick in them and do the biopsies.

Now it makes me worry about the kids a little more 3 of the 4 have been referred to the Endocrinologist as well. My older two’s numbers were a little off. Not enough the doctor was worried about. But when I told her that thyroid problems run in my family she sent them. Then I asked her if she could send my little one since the other three are going. They called about the older two and said it would be April before they could get them in. I have not heard anything about my little one. I am going to call their doctor tomorrow and tell her what they found on mine and see if she can call and get them in sooner.

Other than that she checked to see how much of my medication she gave me last time I had left and then told me to come back in 4 months. I don’t know why she is waiting so long to have me come back, I only have two refills for my medication. I don’t know if the thyroid doctor can give me more of if she is waiting to see if he wants me to keep taking it. I guess I have to spend tomorrow looking for a doctor and trying to get in.

I made an appointment to go back for my yearly check since I haven’t had one since I was pregnant with my last over three years ago. I told them I needed that and birth control but thinking that I maybe shouldn’t take any birth control until they figure out my thyroid.

{November 14, 2016}   Counselling Tuesday

I didn’t go talk to the counselor last week, she didn’t have any appointments to get me in so I was set up to go tomorrow. Then Thursday I was talking to my mom and she told me that her test she didn’t get up and go to the week before was set for Tuesday. We got in a big argument about it, I had told her to set it up for last week because every day this week I was going to be busy with her or the kids. She first tried to say I told her it was last week I would be busy. I told her no I said that then put her on hold and came back and told her I was wrong it was this week set it for last week and she had never told me when she set it for this was the first I was hearing. I told her I was busy. She wanted to know what and what time because her appointment was at 10 or 11. I just told her I had an appointment that day she started about and I guess it is at the same time right. I said with in that hour yes. I set everything for in the morning between 930 and 130 so that I know I can be there to pick the kids up by 3. I take whatever time they have in between there and most times the earliest so that I can drop them and go straight there. But this time was the only time they had so I took it. Not that it is any of her business anyway I am helping her and she has three days a week that she can make appointments on that I can take her other than this week. She always sets or tries to set them when she knows I have something to do. I push until she changes it. This she couldn’t because she has so many times already. She wanted to know what I had to do and I could pick her up and go do mine then take her or we could do mine on the way back if it was later.

I knew that with it being so close in time we did not have time to get from one place to the other. Plus I just told her I had to go get the test on my thyroid. I didn’t tell her they were doing all the test on my breast. Really I had to go to my therapist appointment. I didn’t want her to know I was going to the counselor if she did she would start about that and go on and on about it all the time. It is none of her business. I didn’t want her to know I was having my breast checked either for the same reason she would hound me about it from now on and the doctors don’t know the test don’t know they need to do this and I need to do that. She knows I was supposed to have the thyroid checked the fist of the year and hadn’t. They think when I went about my breast and got my medication that I was getting something for an infected tooth. Because the store called Father of the Year instead of me when my medication was ready. I have to call and fix that still as well. I just don’t need to hear all her bullshit about all her OCD, she knows better than everyone else, whatever. I just don’t feel like dealing with it anymore. Keeping the peace, trying to not make waves and dealing with her is a big part of why I have been the way I have. I truly feel if I didn’t have to hear all her crap about every thing that she finds out about no matter how big or small over and over I wouldn’t be as bad as I am. I really don’t care, let it go in one ear and out the other but just listening to it hearing it and dealing with her is exhausting.

But now that my truck is to contaminated for her to ride in and she is making him take her it will let me be able to go to my therapy appointment and then my other test on Wednesday like I had set up to start with. I won’t have to try and rearrange Tuesday to another day. If I had to I most likely wouldn’t get in until after the holiday.

She just really grates my nerves with this crap even with my medication.

{November 9, 2016}   Found A Balance

As you all know I have started taking a medication as suggested by the counselor I started seeing. I have been on it for 6 days and the first 5 were hell. I felt drugged and sick to my stomach all day long. It made me sleepy as well. I hate the drugged feeling and the sick to my stomach feeling. My friend and her boyfriend both take it and said that their doctors told them to take it at night before bed. Monday I didn’t take it when I got up and took it when I went to bed. I slept pretty good other than the dog waking me up. I got up this morning and felt sick to my stomach a little bit, but after a little bit it went away and I was fine the rest of the day. I took it again tonight about the same time. I have been up a couple hours still but starting to feel tired and probably would have went to sleep when I took it had I went to bed. But I was staying up to catch up on my shows and on here. Now I just have to remember to take it around the same time every night or maybe even a little earlier so that maybe I won’t feel sick when I wake up. But if not I can deal with feeling a little sick for a few minutes in the morning to not feel sick and drugged all day. Over all I kind of feel like it maybe working. I picked my friend up as soon as I dropped the kids off this morning we went had breakfast this morning, we went feed the chickens I didn’t have to do it later and then hung out at my house for a while. I didn’t feel tired or annoyed. Because before I would want someone to come hang out or go somewhere with and then once they got here all I could think was how I wish they weren’t here I didn’t want to deal with them and I just wanted to go to bed, not be up entertaining anyone or dealing with anyone. It wasn’t like I was doing anything other than we were sitting here talking, laughing, joking and just carrying on. But I still just wanted to say you know what I got to take you home now because I don’t want you here, and they just got here two minutes before. I didn’t do it I didn’t say it or anything because as much as I wanted to I didn’t at the same time. I go back to the counselor next week. I also go to get my mammogram, ultrasound of the breast and ultrasound of the thyroid. The doctor has me coming back in a month so I guess will just have to get a copy of the reports.

I don’t know how I like this new time change yet. I like that it is dark earlier in a way because it just feels like everything slows down earlier. Even with the kids up I feel like I can decompress from the day. It’s hard to explain, the day time I feel like I have to go, go, go and have all this stuff to get done even if I really don’t. Once it gets to be night time I just feel like I can just relax and not be busy every second.

{October 27, 2016}   Concentration

Talking to the counselor last week she seems to thing that not being able to concentrate on my school work and things is part of what is wrong and that the medication will help it. Thinking about it she is probably right. I was thinking more from the accident and concussion but thinking about it I don’t think it is at this point. I think it was but not anymore.

Because before I couldn’t stay focused or understand what I was reading and it would take me forever to look through the pages and find the answers even. At one point I sat down done one classes work using another classes book and had not clue. I couldn’t figure out why it was so hard to find the answers and why a few were not there I had to go on line and look them up and why they were not all in the one chapter but all through the book in different chapters than what we were told to read. I keep going to the index or glossary to look things up an find them.

But now I can sit down look them up find all the information I need and put the work together. I just have no motivation to do it. Ok that is wrong I want to do it I sit here an think about doing it all the time but that is about as far as I get on doing it until I force myself to sit down and work on it Saturday and Sunday to get it all turned in by Sunday night and Monday Morning. I have a 100% in my one class 11 or 12 weeks into the semester, it’s not that I am having problems understanding it like I was before it’s just I have to force myself to do it and even then not get distracted by something else while doing it.

I guess it isn’t Concentration or motivation really that is keeping me from it. It’s my mind that is so tired that I get a little ways through one assignment and I am falling a sleep can’t hold my eyes open no matter how much I slept. That is the new thing now even when I force myself to do it and not do 20 other things at the same time I will go form wide awake to passing out. I don’t understand it because I can sleep 7 or 8 hours at night and nap for a hour or two sometimes more in the day and I am still passing out. Even when I am trying to do other stuff not just my work. It’s just my work it affects the most because I have to sit still work on the computer and read. Reading puts me to sleep anyway.

Like I said she wants me to go get all my health stuff looked at and make sure there isn’t anything else going on. I guess I will do that Monday next week if I can get in. I call to make an appointment and it is like pulling teeth to get one for a week away or even the next day. But then they always say you really need to call in the same day to get one for the day you want to go. I don’t understand that because that could take days of calling to get in that way. But I don’t know I just know that is what they say. I am going to try and call today to get one for Monday and see what I need to ask for because I do not think they will see my for my breast and my thyroid at the same time. It’s stupid they say they can only see you for one thing at a time. It is just to be able to bill for more visits. I am trying to talk myself into going and having a yearly done and I should be able to talk to them about my thyroid and my breast at that. Because most the time they want to do blood work at your yearly and I would think thyroid would be part of that or could be. And they always do breast exams when they do your yearly so if they are sore and I tell them about the problems I have been having they should write a the paperwork for that test too right? I guess we will see.

{February 5, 2016}   Still No Doctor

They told me two weeks ago I needed to get in and get this lymph nod and whatever is on it taken out. They said to get in to see a doctor right away and get a referral. They even said if I got a referral to this doctor she would see me and do the surgery right a way. Well I went that day even after not sleeping hardly and got the referral. Then I call the office to see when I could go in and they tell me no they can’t see me. I called and called around looking for a doctor to see me that went to one of the hospitals I wanted to go to and couldn’t find one. The only one I found would not see me in office only if they admit me and the insurance will not let them do that. I finally found one that will see me it took them a while to get a new referral because they can’t use the one I have they have to have one sent right from the doctor. Then they asked if I had xrays. I told her I had the CT and blood work in the hospital. She had to send to get them from the doctors office. They called told me the soonest they could get me in was the 18th. Great whats 2 to 4 more weeks of pain. Then they call me back yesterday and tell me the doctor looked at the test it’s self not just the report and feels that I need to go to an ENT not there so they are not going to see me. They said to call my doctor back and have them find me and ENT or find one and then call and have them send yet another referral and my test to them and wait for them to get in and decide what to do.

I was out with my grandma while she was getting test and things yesterday and did not get home in time to call around. I did get a few minutes to call one and they will  not see me either. I just tried to call the one that my oldest seen and they are not open today past 12. So now I have to wait until Monday and call. I hope they take it I am not crazy about him he don’t have the best bedside manner but he knows his stuff and is really good. He is just very straight forward blunt and do the point with things. I like that but at the same time with a doctor I don’t know there is just something about it.

This thing feels like it is swollen bigger to me. My mom says my neck looks swollen all the way around. but there is only the place on the right side still. I think the other is the thyroid is enlarged more, I think it was before and went down because I was swollen a lot the first time I went in and they didn’t listen to me. But they are more worried about the lymph nod right now because they said the thyroid wouldn’t make the lymph nod do this and they feel it is bothering the thyroid not the other way around. I have the paperwork I am supposed to go get the thyroid tested again in a month or two. But they thought I would have this out and be healed up by then. It looks like I will just be getting this taken care of.

I just wish the pain would go away. My mom telling me well the pain is going to come back if you don’t take the meds like they told you. I keep telling her the meds did not make the pain go away I walk around in pain everyday from it. Some days are worse than others and a lot of days by the time night rolls around I am in bad pain again. She even went so far as to say I was making it up and  not in as much pain as I claimed to be the other week. I think I haven’t been in as much pain as I was to start with because some of the swelling around it has went down. But now that it is starting to swell more it is starting to hurt more and worse. Even the therapist said yesterday when I took my son in that you can still see it but I look a lot better than I did the week before that I looked really ruff the week before. She laughed she said not saying anything but that you could really tell you were miserable and it was bad.

I still hate the idea of being cut open and having this thing cut out but. the pain trumps it all.

et cetera
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