I am sitting here at work looking at old post and I really shouldn’t post when I am tired or in a hurry. It comes out all messed up. And if I am using voice to text for get it. I try to go back and check but don’t always have time or forget.

I am sitting here at my night job bored out of my mind. I finished all my work by 6 or a little after and I got here at 530. We only had two trucks rolling out and they didn’t have a lot on them at all. Everyone has finally left it is just me. The other guy that works with me had to go pick some things up local here. I guess we were short a driver or something. Who knows. Maybe one cried and quite. I have never seen so many people cry about having to do their jobs. Imagain that, they are at work and we expect them to work. Of course they want to get paid for not working as well. They will tell you that notnlike they are trying to get by with something or sneak and do something.

I don’t know where I am going with this, I am way off topic but I guess that is okay. I think I will go watch something on netflix for now. I have2.5 hours at the least to go. I may leave when the other guy gets back I’m not sure yet. I should stay get the hours but at the same time its so dead and boring.

{July 19, 2019}   Awake and Feeling Normal

I did not do any work at my day job today other than deal with the few customer’s who came in. Other than that I goofed off on the computer. I felt do tired and bored while fighting not to cry or just being really mad.

I stopped and grabbed food on my way to work tonight and ate when I got here. Now I’m sitting here waiting for all my emails to roll in so I can go through all the routes and take care of what I need to with them. By then it should be time to go home. I just hope I am not sitting here until time to go home waiting on everything to roll in. Then it will be a late night.

But right now I’m not tired and my moods aren’t swinging from one extreme to the other every little bit. That how they have been for about the last 24 hours or more.

I have a ton of crap to do this weekend and really don’t feel like it. I still need a weekend away with nothing to worry or think about. Heck even a night for awhile like when I would go stay at my friends once the kids went to bed.

{May 31, 2019}   Quick Update

Things aren’t great but they aren’t horrible either. I am having no luck car shopping, things with Bff aren’t great, Sleeping Beauty is another story, personally I am I don’t even know at this point what I am honestly. I am about to go out and do something tomorrow I have never really done and been against forever. I feel like I am such a funk, I have been for a while and just can’t seem to pull myself back up. I feel like I am drowning in my truck right now. I just wish I had someone here helping, someone who cares what is going on. I have done horrible with money but not all my fault just everything that is happening and has happen. I missed a weeks worth of work and put a ton of money in my truck this month. That ass that called himself “fixing” my breaks drained all the oil in my truck and I almost blew it up. I have slacked so much at my two jobs I feel like crap. I woke up hours before I needed to the other day and laid there having a panic attack over all that is going on and all that I am slacking and dropping the ball in. While I care I really don’t at the same time. I don’t know what to say or do anymore. I just want no I need some time away even if it is just for the weekend. Where I can turn my phone off and just be. I got to get off here and get things closed down so I can get to my other job. I will be back later I hope. I get in these funks and can’t force myself to write. I come here glance around and leave. I have even jotted down notes for a few post but haven’t gotten to them.

Coffee, when Pop picked me up we met at the little store so he didn’t have to try to fine the house and I needed to go to the atm to get money as well. When he got there he went in and got coffee, I had already got water and juice so I didn’t ask him to stop to get coffee. The store I was at don’t have the coffee I wanted so I am sitting here without. Boy do I feel it, I am so tired and dragging. The same way I have felt all week without coffee, until last night when I had coffee I felt so much better.

I can not sit here and feel this way all the time. So the pro’s by far out weigh the cons at this point. But like I said in my other post if coffee and juice are the only things i drink other than water and water is what I drink the most of then I think I am doing good.

over 11,000 steps in an hour and half. I walked the 4.5 miles to work this morning. I was super surprised it only took my an our and a half. I really thought it would take close to two. I wasn’t sure what way to go and was going to try and catch a bus part of the way at least. But the way I went there wasn’t really a bus. I had some guy before I got out of my neighborhood two guys in a van or suv type thing stopped and was trying to talk to me. Then I get up by the main road and here he came again stopped talking to me and things. I am not even sure if he had the other guy with him or not because I just didn’t even look at him I kept walking. He said something and took off. He didn’t like it I didn’t to him. Then I don’t know how many other guys waved or calling out to me at me.

I am at my day job and have no idea how I am going to get to my night job or home if I do. I don’t know how I am going to get there until I am able to get my truck fixed. I am tired right now I just want to put my head down and go to sleep.

Worse part was walking up the bridge, had the bridge not been there I would of been about 5 minutes or so cut off my time. The view was nice

The view from the top of the bridge.


I also stopped at the little store a block or so away from work and grabbed a tea and a couple bottles of water. Yes I said a tea. I was so thirsty and hot I wanted something besides water. I wanted favor. I kind of wanted a coke but knew that would not go down well as hot as I was and as long as it has been since I had one. All the sweet and carbonation. I straightened my hair before I left and it is a mess now. Needless to say it is back in a clip. I am now searching for a ride tonight. I need to call and tell them I am not coming but I need to turn my hours in so that I can get paid and I need to work tonight so it will be on next weeks check. I just don’t know what to do or where to turn.

{April 6, 2019}   So Much To Do

It is after 11 am and I am still laying in my bed. I should of gotten up a long time ago. They are coming to look at the house tomorrow and I have to clean and get ready.

I have to clean the fans and blinds. It gets so dusty in my house so fast. The dust gets thick in no time. Even on my walls. I have never lived somewhere dust builds up on the walls and the ruff. It is like a every few weeks/monthly thing that needs done. Fans too even when you use them. I hate it and it has been let go for a bit. Now I have 24 hours to get it all done. Fans in all the rooms and a ton of windows and blinds. I just want to pull it all down and buy new but they will need done in a few weeks.

I just have to get it done and stay on top of it. I think because I am on a main road at a main intersection for our area. Tons of cars go by in a day. You wouldn’t think that much would come in but I think the a/c is bringing it in.

Little Bitty’s bday was Thursday, I took her and the rest of the kids to the fair. Now we have to do cake and gifts at some point today.

And be ready to go out of town for a while with Bff and all the kids for a while tonight maybe. I am still laying here like I have nothing to do. I am stressing about it all mostly the house and this lady coming. But I can’t force myself up to do anything about it. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I am stressing but don’t care at the same time. Guess I should go make lunch and try to get this all done.

{March 28, 2019}   Tomorrow is Already Friday

I can’t believe tomorrow is already Friday. I have no idea where this week has went. It feels like today is just Tuesday. I’m not sure if that is good or bad. I feel like I haven’t slept in a while really.

As Little Bitty puts it I just closed my eyes and open them, it’s not time to get up yet!!

I am not sleeping good or much with this new job and I am not eating. I am having a hard time finding a balance with everything. I work between the two jobs 10 am to 10pm or 12 am. Depending on the days. That puts me getting home between 11:30 and 12:30. Then if they need anything from the store or anything like that I have to stop and get it. I am not even laying down most any night before 1am. Then I have to unwind a little because I can’t sleep once I do lay down. Im not going to sleep before 2:30 or 3 most nights and awake by 7. It seems to never fail I wake up at least once so I don’t feel I am ever in a deep restful sleep.

I know I stay up late a lot of nights and d9n’t go to sleep until late but it is different. I go to bed really early, lay there relax unwind and does off and on until I am sleeping good. Where now I am at work those hours going going going and taken care of things. I’m not clearing my head unwinding relaxing like I would be if home. It makes a big difference.

I hope by next week I am evened out and use to it more. Can start falling a sleep faster. The stress of the bitch there to isn’t helping. I hope she is on her way out soon. She has gotten some money coming in now. Not a lot but she needs to figure it out.

Right now I feel like I shut my eyes open them a few minutes later and go again. I feel like I have been awake the last two weeks straight for the most part.

{February 8, 2019}   Supposed To Be Working

I am sitting here at work supposed to be working and really need to be but I’m not. Instead I am on here and finding anything and everything else that I can to do because I don’t want to be here or to do anything really. Well I do want to do a few things. I want to drink, I want to drink really bad. I just want to start and not stop until whatever happens just happens. I also want to curl up and go to sleep. I want to be held, I want someone to care, to care about me for a change. I want to feel like I matter and not just a convince for everyone.

I am a wreck today. I didn’t get hardly any sleep last night. I worked 13+ hours yesterday. I did my day job then my night job and when I finally got out of there almost a half hour later than we are supposed to I had a repo to do. Mr. Auto and the police department made that take longer and more hassle then it had to be. I called to let them know I picked it up and they couldn’t even find the address that we were at in their records. how is the police department not going to know or be able to pull up an address? What if I needed help or them to send someone and I wasn’t able to talk to them anymore than to give them the address?

The women on the phone had no idea what she was doing. She said I am going to put it in for an officer to come meet you if they need they can call you. They at this point 10 minutes or more into the phone call had no idea what I was even calling for. Someone could be bleeding to death, I could be trapped in a trunk or anything. She wasn’t even going to ask just send someone to where I was at put it in to and hang up.

I finally said look I do not need you to send anyone out or want you to. I am calling to tell you I am getting ready to take this car it is a repo. I am sitting here by it. She started saying something. I said look I am getting in it now I just need you to document it and make the report. I am driving it away right now so don’t send anyone you don’t have to they never do. I will not be here, I am about to hit 95 south. She said okay that is fine what do you need from me then. I said just document it so that if it gets called as stolen or I get pulled over. I need the report number your name and call time. She said okay. She never did get all the information that she needed from me. She ask for the tag and if these were the people that was it and gave me the numbers that I needed. She never took the vin or anything else like that. Not my problem I had all mine and did everything legal. I had all my paperwork if they had stopped me. I just wanted her to put it in because the tag was dead I didn’t want to get pulled over on the road out there. If they run the tag and see it was just repo they know your taking it back to the lot your not just out running around or the one responsible for that part of things and it is a repo so not a lot more needs said if the people were doing what they were supposed to we wouldn’t have it.

It should of never taken as long as it did to do. Between her and Mr. Auto telling me to do it all ass backwards It took about 30 to 45 minutes longer than it should have. So on top of working 13 plus hours it didn’t leave much time for sleep last night. I was crying before I could even fall a sleep. Today being the day my dad passed. I did really good all week. But after I was able to sit down and just try and relax and sleep it hit me like a brick.

I have worked but not like I should be. I found things to keep me busy but didn’t get things I really needed to done. I have to play catch up today to be on track for the guys next week and them to have work. I have kept my self detracted and just not done a lot. But over all I had felt pretty good not depressed or upset. But last night today has more than made up for it.

Pops came in a little bit ago and sat down he don’t want to be here either. He is still having a hard time with his wife passing. We just sitting here looking at the walls and each other talking about we need to get busy. Then we just talk about whatever to keep from doing anything. He is in there now working on a few things and trying to get into doing something and I am finishing this. I hope the day gets better some way. Bff was supposed to come have lunch with me but she cancelled I knew she was going to. She has no idea what today is. No one does I can’t even talk about it.

Guess I better get off here get this stuff done if they have no work next week I’m probably be in trouble for sure because I can’t even say I tried and couldn’t get it. I haven’t even tried. I maybe back later.

{October 11, 2018}   No Sleep Again

I can not believe it is 6:30 a.m. already. I have 45 minutes of sleep I could get if I fall asleep right now. I have so much to do in the morning it is not even funny. I am going to look and feel like hell. I will probably sound like it.

Im good at not sleeping until an hour before i need to be up then oversleeping once I do.

{October 7, 2018}   So Much Happening

Hey guy’s I have so much to catch you up on but I am also, so tired I can’t hold my eyes open. I have managed to get 7 or 8 post set up. I went and titled them all so that hopefully I will remember what all I want to tell you all and what you need some catching up on.

Hope to be around and get some done tomorrow. Until then Goodnight.

I fell asleep before I could hit post wouldn’t you know. I just pulled in at work so time to get busy for a few hours. I only have 4 or 5 that I can work today so not a long day. After that I should have some time to catch up a little bit. Happy Sunday all.

et cetera
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