Single___Parent___Life











{January 13, 2020}   Thinking Ahead

There are a lot of decisions to be made in the next few months. Some will not happen until 5 or 6 months down the road but need to have a good idea and grasp on things now as to what we are going to do. This way we can get things set in motion in order for it to all play out with as little interruptions as possible. Few major things to think about and plan for such as………

The truck I got screwed on. Fix it with new motor then sell? Buy brand new truck that will last me forever? Fix it and keep it? Fix it give it to my oldest?

I have no idea but have to decide and do something now or soon. Because I can’t leave it sitting much longer and need the extra seating soon now more than when I bought it.

To move away this year or stay another year? If I move when? If I stay here then I have to decide do I want to stay where I am or move somewhere different? House wise that is. I have the best set up with the kids school being right there. But the house isnt great and I am tired of dealing with the managment team. It isnt worth what I am paying rent is going to go up again. But will I find anywhere cheaper the same size in better shape? How will the school set up be?

If i move away or here where am I going to move to? Stay in the same area here or make a big change? If I move away do I go where my friend is or other family or somewhere all together different?

How is that going to effect the huge change I just made last week? How do I handle it and all that goes along with it in between all that is coming up and going on?

I have no idea what I am going to do or how to move ahead at this point. Most the time I am full force straight ahead.

I am going to really have to think about it all and figure it all out. I need to look back at my goals I set last year see what I have done and what still needs to be done. Set some new ones and fix some old ones.



{November 22, 2019}   Not Desperate, But Pissed Off

One night last week I was talking to the driver from work that talks to me now and then on my drive home from work. He still makes comments about hooking up and things all the time. I tell him he needs to go over to such and such street he can find someone who will help him. He says he isn’t looking for something like that and how gross it is or what.

Then he says so hypothetically if you were to charge for it how much would you charge. I said I’m to expensive for what your looking for. I laughed and so no really I have no idea because I have never been that desperate. I have always been able to get up get the money and make something happen. Figure out how to take care of things.

I said people who do that are people who don’t want to put in the work to make the money or just looking for quick easy money. They have no interest in trying to make something happen or figure out other ways.

At the same time I was messaging my friend about something my car had done that night when I got in to leave work.  He messaged me back and we were messaging back and forth when it hit me.

The proposition  I made my good friend, when everything happen with the new truck I bought. I haven’t been that desperate but I have been that pissed off. Over being lied to, taken advantage of and the $4000 I just gave him for the truck.

Still that isn’t something I would of said to just any o body like this guy from work or what.

 

 

 

 



{October 14, 2019}   Picking up My Truck

I guess I have to bite the bullet and go pick up my truck in the morning. I haven’t heard from the guy in almost a month. I have been trying to get someone to go with me but of course no one can or will. I have avoided it for far to long. One of the owners is going to be in at my day job doing some work I told him today I am going to be late that I had to go pick it up and see what to do from there. I am in one of those weird moods where I don’t not care but that I just don’t want to deal with it and I’m okay with not dealing with it and it just hanging out there. Even though I know it is most likely just getting worse. I care but not enough to do anything about it. Even though I told them I am going to be late tomorrow I am going to have to force myself to go over there.

You know some things you can do without or pay to get done. But there are somethings you can’t just pay someone to do. I know that I know you can’t but I don’t know I thought I could figure out some way to take care of this but I can’t.

Sitting here writing this and thinking about it I don’t know if it is the situation that I am in that bothers me more or the fact that here I sit again alone to handle it all on top of everything else I already take care of alone.



{September 10, 2019}   Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Everyday I get into my car since running around with the kids over the weekend all I can think is, this is why we can’t have nice things.

There is tea spilled in my floor and lemon aid in my passenger seat. It smells like sour tea and my jacket needs washed. It isn’t as simple of cleaning the floor and the seat because the seat has a ton of things in it. Well I maybe exaggerating a little, but it seems like it. Seeing as my box of change is dumped in the floor from where something was spilled in it before. The best I could tell it was a bottle of water that was left in there and the lid came off. The bottom of the box got wet and the bottom fell out of it so it is now everywhere. On top of all the other things that they have left down there.

Don’t get me wrong they are great kids they really are, they could be doing so much worse at their ages. None of it was done on purpose. We went to the burger place to eat and they gave everyone to go cups. Mine was sat in the cup holder that had something in it so it didn’t sit like it should of. I thought the cut was one of the kids and they had picked it up when we got back in the car. I guess they didn’t and when we got where we were going I asked for my drink and figured out it was mine that they stuck there and it was now in the floor spilled everywhere.

Then we went inside and since we don’t have that many cup holders Mr. 13 sat his cup in the seat when he got out. Once we came back his seat was soaked. This I found he had split the bottom of his cup some how and it had leaked why we were in the two stores all over the seat. Since the car is so small there was no where else for him to ride, he needed something to sit on. You guessed it that is where my jacket came into play. He folded it up and sat on it. I forgot to  get it inside and toss it in the wash that night with my work things. I don’t get home early enough to do any when I get off. I grabbed a sweat shirt and just noticed it has something on it once I put it on at work. I guess it is stained it don’t normally wear it but around the house to bed or when it is cool. I cook and clean in it. Who knows what I got on it. It is almost 15 years old now that I think about it. I got this when we left for a hurricane when my oldest was less than a year old.

But I can’t help but think this is why we can’t have nice things when I get in the car. I keep having the thought of keeping my truck to run around in and to go to and from work in. Then use the car when me and the kids go places on the weekend and things. Instead of letting them mess it up too. But I got the truck because it is nice and would be a nice, decent, good lasting vehicle for us all. Isn’t that what we get things for or nice things for to use and enjoy? Isn’t that what happens to things when you use them and enjoy them, they get used, damaged, wore out or messed up? That is why we have to replace things after so long right?



{August 27, 2019}   Bail Money

I may have to start a gofundme page to get bail money. Because I can not be responsible for what I do to this man over my truck. I am tired of waiting and playing games. This could of been fixed in a week and the 6th will be two months I bought the truck and have not been able to us it at all. A few hours the first night that is it.

I can not walk away from $4000 or walk away with a truck that I can not drive that has issues and needs work. I bought a truck that ran great and looked good. Looked as of it had been well kept and would last me and the kids a while. Past the 3 to 5 years I normally keep one.

Now this and he is just fucking around because I’m a women and he thinks it is funny and he don’t want to do anything for me. Everyone keeps saying you need a guy to go kick his ass, you need a guy to handle it. But none of them want to step up and help me out. Even the couple I have asked to call and deal with him or go talk to him with me have an excuse.

He was sent a list of parts again over the weekend because he says I never sent him one. Not that I should be sending him one anyway he should be getting it. But since he says he don’t know, can’t blah blah I sent it. He was supposed to get back to me. Here we are almost 9:30 at night and he still has not contacted me back. He said 3 different people looked at my truck so one of them could give him a price for what I am asking for in just a minute. (I am sure they have why he don’t want to go that route) my guy told me in a mater of minutes.

Today I sent him this……….

Have you figured out the cost of parts. I my truck or money back this has went on for to long just trying to get a price and list of parts. The work could of been done many times over. I can not keep waiting and doing without. My truck.

I sent this this morning and ofcurse ignored. I need to go over there but I I just don’t know what to do or what it is going to accomplish other than maybe going to jail. Because if he is in my face and gets cocky or nasty like he has on the phone, I might knock the he’ll out of him. Once I start I may not stop.

I can’t go until Saturday maybe I should start my fundme page now. Give it time to build up enough money to get me out if something happens.



Do you ever have a random thought that your mind latches onto and will not let go? It’s the tiniest thing and meaningless but for whatever reason your mind decides it is as important as the the $100 bill in your pocket. It keeps coming back to it scared your going to lose it or something.

That is what my mind has done this past week. Last week while driving I reach to get something and was driving with my right hand. It felt very awkward and was hard to drive and do what I was trying to do with my left hand.

At that time I thought hum that is odd, I am right handed but drive with my left and it is hard to drive with my right. I wondered why that was and I came to the conclusion that it was just the natural way I had trained myself since I am right handed and use it to do things. If I wanted to do something like grab my drink I would use my right hand leaving the left on the wheel and have just gotten use to it that way. I wondered if it was just me or if others were  the same.

I then went on about the rest of my day not giving it another thought, so I thought. But now since then my brain hasn’t let it go. I think it a dozen times while I am driving. It don’t matter if I am going to the store two blocks up the road or 20 miles to work. It comes up and I think about it over and over again until i get were I am going. Sometimes even while I am where I am going for a bit until I get busy with something else.

How crazy is that? Why is my brain doing this to me over something so meaningless?

So here we go since it is there and I am telling you about it what say you all?

Are you right handed or left handed?

What hand do you drive with?

 

  1. Right handed drive with the right
  2. Right handed drive with the left
  3. Left handed drive with the left
  4. left handed drive with the right

I know we all should be driving with both hands on the wheel but lets be honest we know that we all don’t drive with both hands on the wheel all the time so give us your answer. I find myself driving with both hands more now that I have this new car but I think because it don’t have arm rest like my truck did. I think the arm rest is also part of the reason I drive left handed. But I can remember driving left handed way back when I first started driving thinking about it more even when I didn’t have things to reach for or do. I drove left handed. I remember my aunt talking about how I held the wheel and drove and how awkward it was to her. I held the little part inside the wheel not the wheel its self. I don’t know I drive more like that now in my smaller car as well. But I had a little truck when I first started driving. handled a lot like my car. That is probably why. Okay enough I am rambling now it is random not rambling thought.

Tell us in the comments are you 1, 2, 3 or 4 my weird mind wants to know. Maybe it will drop it and let this thought go once it finds out.



{July 29, 2019}   Doom and Gloom Has Come Again

I don’t know what to think that doom and gloom feeling has rushed over me this morning. I got up early because I had to take the dog a million miles away to drop her off to be spayed before I went to work this morning. I got there at 8 to just drop her off. I didn’t talk to anyone until 8:45 or after. Then since she has had two seizures they wanted me to talk to the vet. She was scared of him did not like him at all. He listen to her and said she has a pretty good heart murmur. Ideally we would do a heart work up on her EKG and ECO and I think something else. But he said that is getting into a lot of money. He seem to think she should do good. But they wanted to do a heart worm test to make sure it isn’t that. He said he could do it why I waited but I told him I thought she was healthy and fine. That I really had to get to work that I would leave her and let them test her and if anything was wrong to call me. I think they told me before she had the murmur. She has only been to the vet once since I had her. She is healthy as I told him and she was quick to point out that she seemed that way but we really didn’t know. Even then I was okay and didn’t feel that anything was wrong. I did have the though before he said all that, that maybe I should just skip it and take her home. But know she needs to really be done she is so young and we don’t need puppies. I feel that everything is going to be okay but then I feel bad for just leaving her and not waiting for them to do the test. But it was almost 9:30 and I needed to be towns away at work by 10. I know that the test is going to come back fine and they are going to have to do what they need to do and I will pick her up at 6 and she will be great.

I think when I lost my bumper i messed up something under my car. I know I still haven’t told you about that either. I have been really busy getting nothing done this weekend and being told what a horrible mother I am and how sorry everyone feels for my kids. And dealing with Sleeping Beauty mess. But now I have to see what that is and get it fixed. I don’t even know if I should be driving it or what will happen if something happens. I don’t think I am supposed to have a vehicle.

Then I started thinking about my car the shit show I have with the one I just bought. I got an offer of $500 on my old truck why I was leaving the vet. I really need more but really don’t think I am going to get it at this point or after the fire and damage now. I have $500 worth of tires on it.

Thinking about all that is going on and the fact of doing it alone and just everything I don’t know what to think or where to go. It just hit me like hitting a break wall on the way to work doom and gloom something bad is going to happen. I still don’t feel that it is to do with the dog. I feel like it is something at home or with the kids. I have had that feeling about the house for a little while now but hadn’t really thought much of it or let it get to me. I keep telling myself everything is fine and that nothing is going to happen. But today is just hard and I don’t know why that is at the top of the list.



{July 11, 2019}   Other SUV’s vs. Mine

It has been hell trying to find another vehical, I have looked in 4 states trying to find something I want or would be happy with. The smaller and newer suv’s I just don’t like. I couldn’t figure out why.

The next one down from mine are nice I have had 2 in the past. But the new motors are horrible. They have problems, expensive to fix if they can be. Bff has had 2 and my friend with the car lot has one he put a ton of money into and still can’t get it fixed.

I figured out with the new suv’s most are smaller, hatchbacks and have one back seat. If it has a 3rd it is right against the back hatch. Even if you do not have the 3rd seat there is next to no cargo room if you don’t put the back seat down. You can’t with kids in the car.

In my truck I have enough room behind my 3rd row I could put a 4th seat back there, so lots of cargo room. I have it without folding seats or taking them out or losing seating. If I need more I can take one or two seats out or fold them and have a ton of cargo room. I have had a washer and drier in my truck and still had room I could put other stuff.

In the new ones I lose 2 to 3 seating space and still don’t have cargo room without folding the seat down again how do you do that if you have kids. I would be happy if I just had room for me all 4 kids and one extra person if they wanted to go.

I decided I would rather have a 4 door F150 or F250 with bench seat in the front and back. Then I would have seating for one extra person and cargo room. Best of all I wouldn’t have to always be putting seats up and down.

But finding a truck with 4 full doors that is in good shape inside and out and decent miles is impossible with the money I am working with. Even another truck like mine with a different motor is hard to find at a decent price and they are 2005 or older since they stop making them.

Everything is trashed or has 200,000 miles or more. Or they are both.



{June 21, 2019}   My New Ride

Yes I went and bought myself a toaster to replace the Beast sitting behind it. After getting stuck last Wednesday me and my good friend were finally able to meet up Friday so him and his brother could look my truck over and see where it was leaking. They both looked it over checked the hoses and everything they could and found no leak. They finally found where it is leaking from is somewhere around the in take back of the motor area. Maybe a freeze plug up in there. You would have to take it apart the same as if you were going to fix it just to figure out where it is leaking. It is to much of a job and cost way more than what I am willing to put into it at this point. It is leaking to much to keep driving. I made it to work and just left it. Saturday my aunt took us to look at cars I could not find anything for the money I had in my pocket and anything else I would consider and make payments on they wouldn’t let you make payments on them. I went home with nothing. I wanted to go see this one but being the holiday weekend they were out of town.

Monday came around I was going to take the bus to my day job and was trying to figure out how to get to my night job and how to go see this car because it is about 15 miles south of my night job. Then how to get home from my night job and start over Tuesday morning.

I seen my friend say online that she wasn’t doing anything if anyone needed services she needed to get her portfolieo for school put together. I messaged her and ask her if I paid her if she would take me to look at the car. So her and her boyfriend came and took me down to look at it. I had Pops watch the shop for me.

I told them on the way down that if it ran good I was leaving with the car because I really had no choice at the time but it was something that I was interested in and had already tried to go see. Wasn’t like I was jumping on the first thing I looked at or what it was in the running as an option depending on running and shape.

We got there and it was at a shop, it was pulled into a bay. Me and her got out and walked up and both said at the same time it isn’t a $2000 car. It is kind of ruff on the outside and needs cosmetic stuff. I went and found the guy who had it listed and we talked. He said he was adjusting a new part he had put on it and that he had been driving it to take care of things that day. My friend boyfriend works on cars. The guy told us to take it for a test drive. My friend said I will wait here you two go so she can drive it and you can see how it runs. The guy said oh I’m not worried about it you all take it go drive it and see what you think. So we took it and went. It is only a 4 cylinder but it has some pep and it goes nice. I liked it and it runs good. Me and her boyfriend were talking and he said offer him $1400 he will probably counter offer at $1800 tell him meet in the middle at $1500. I said okay, all the while I am thinking I just want to offer him $1000 but I don’t want to offer half of what he is asking and I don’t want to insult him. We got out and he come up, my friend walked away and her boyfriend stood off to the side.

The guy said something about the car and what did I think or what. I said would you take $1100? He said right away he couldn’t go that low. I said okay you said before we left price wasn’t set you were willing to come down or what. I said so what is the least you can take on it? He was like um hum, uh, then says I can do $1400. I wasn’t supposed to go lower than $1500 but I will do it at $1400. I said okay sold. The part he was adjusting broke. He came around and said if you just hold on for a few minutes the part broke I have them on their way with another brand new one to put in. It will only take me few minutes to get it in when they get here. I said okay. My friends left and I waited, they had to pick kids up. I went and asked him if he was sure it wouldn’t take long and that I would be able to drive it home because they were leaving me. He said yes.

He got it done and pulled it out, I was ready to pay and he said here let me get this writing off the windows for you. They had written on 3 or 4 of the windows, for sale and miles all that. I said oh thank you. We were talking he said they were getting the title and papers ready inside. He said I told my boss what I gave it to you for, he said I told him I thought you could really use it, need it. I had told him my truck was done and that I needed something to save on gas and things. I said thank you, I really could. I went and paid them filled out the title and everything. I went back out he went to take the tag off. He said did I have mine or what. I said no I had to go home get it and trade everything over. He said I am just going to leave that one on there it is all legal, trade everything over and mail it back to me. I am going to take it back to him tomorrow. I have to go down that way for some things. I was going to take it Wednesday but didn’t have time.

My mom hates my new car, she raised all kinds of hell when I got home. I can’t believe the way she acted and the things she said. How unsafe it is, how small it is, no room for all of us. She hoped it broke down soon how bad it is just on and on.

Then the other night she was showing me a truck she was looking at buying. Then she says you can drive it to work until you find something. I said why would I do that? She said so that you can stop driving that thing you bought the other night. I said I like my car, I am going to drive my car, I am not going to drive that or stop driving my car. I said there is nothing wrong with it. She didn’t like it but didn’t say anything else. She hasn’t said anything else about it since.

I have not 100% decided what I want to do with it. But like I told my friend and Bff when we were talking about it and other family. I spent $1400 on the car. If I drive it a few weeks, months or years. I can get my money back out of it and if I don’t I can get at least $1000 out of it. Even if I only drive it a few weeks and only get $1000 out of it I didn’t lose. I didn’t have to walk, ride a bus and ask for rides to get to my day job, I didn’t have to beg for rides to and from my night job or miss more days because of not having a ride, and I did not lose either of my job, I am not paying to get food and things we need delivered or to rent a car for how ever long it takes me to find something else. So even if I only got a $1000 and was out $400 look how much I saved in the end I don’t feel I lost $400 or out that money at all.

I had two people wanting to buy it before I even gave the man the money when I was buying it. My friends boyfriend wanted it and my good friend said if i decided to sell it he wanted first option at it as well. I am waiting to get my truck sold and get my tax money. That will give me money to find something else and then decide what I am going to do with it. If push came to shove and I found something didn’t have enough I could turn around and sell it to get the rest of the money on something I want.

 



{June 12, 2019}   Stuck…..Again

I spent over an hour on the side of the road broke down. I was an hour and a half late for work. I stopped and grab something to eat on the way and took a different route to work. It was raining with the truck the way it is I just didn’t want to be out on 95 in the rain in it. I started to go ahead since the rain let up but I still ended up taking a different way.

I was talking to Bff on the phone and eating my food o. Tje way to work, I stopped at a light and just happen to look down. My heat gage was at the top of the red. I just looked at it not even a mile before that it was normal. I hardly got to the side of the road and when I did there was a rail there. I couldn’t even open the doors on that side I had to get in and out in traffic and fill one jug up with the other in the truck. I think my floor got as much water as the radiator. After getting like two gallons out I was able to pick the big jug up and just fill it from there.

Great all set, I get back in close the jug and I’m on my way again. Nope just kidding that would of been to easy and great. Nope my battery is dead. Not a light, beep, or a turn over it is dead as it can be. By now I am ready to cry. I am so mad and frustrated. I open the hood back get the cables out and do you think even one person all this time has stop to try to help offer a ride to the little store or anything? Hell no, not one person. But they could sure drive by and honk.

Bff was on her way to meet her lawyer she couldn’t come help me. I sat there a while I finally called Special K and ask what he was doing and he came and got me going again. Why are we not together? Oh because I was stupid and said no and now don’t know what to say or how to approach it. Anyway…..

While I was stuck I messaged the guy at work instead of Bff and told him ding battery was dead and I was stuck on the side of the road and if anyone else honked at me that was going to be it. Then seen I sent it to the wrong person. He busted up laughing. As I pulled in and was shutting the truck pff he messaged and asked if I was going yet. I told him I was here. I walked in he said long day I just looked at him.

Then in a little bit he told me I was on my own here tonight. Said he has to go about 5 hours south to pick up a load and bring back. Not sure what all is going on there since I was so late. I didn’t ask.

But this is the kind of shit I am dealing with why he is over $700 behind again already. That is $700 more I could have to put towards a car and maybe have something ready. Why he drives around in a company truck no worries in the world.



et cetera
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