{December 17, 2019}   An Almost New Game

At work today me and the one owner were her and talking about a little bit of everything really. I asked him if him or his son knew about the Ps4 game systems? He said a little bit and asked why? I told him I went and got the boys one for Christmas but I knew nothing about them and was just told I may need to update it or something before wrapping. He said some of them do need to be. He said I wish I knew you were getting one I have one sitting at my house that is brand new just taking up space.

He said he bought it to play with the guys at work and things and then none of them ever bought one and don’t play. He said it has been played by me 3x ever and the kids about 5. I told him that I rented it and had to pay for it still. I told him if he was interested in selling it to let me know what kind he had and what he wanted for it. If he was willing to take a few payments on it. He said he was going to have his son pull it out hook it up go through it and see what one it is for sure how much memory it has and things and let me know tomorrow. If he has that and wants to work a deal then I will take the one I have back. I haven’t paid on it and it is twice as much as a new one. He said his don’t have the 2nd controller but I already have that I bought to go with the other.

I hope we can work out a good price and things. At least I know where this one came from and that it is basically brand new. It won’t be twice as much as a new one at the store like I am paying now. I am going to message him tonight remind him to ask his son to pull it out and check it out for me. if he can run the updates and things. He said he wouldn’t wipe it clean so the kids could keep the games and things he has bought and play them if they want to.

{December 2, 2019}   More Cancer

Bff called Friday and we were talking. She said I have to tell you something I don’t know what to do or how to handle it. You can’t tell anyone or say anything about anything. I said I’m not what is it? She said sleeping beauty has cancer. I said I knew something was wrong he had something. I told her a few weeks ago he had something she said oh no she had been to the doctor they tested him for AIDS and everything. I said I am telling you he has something he knows it. He made the comment to me to many times he was scared and what he has and what was wrong with him. She kept saying no and she been at the hospital with him they told her everything and talked to him she was right there.

She said that he told them at the hospital not to say any thing to her or in front of her. HIPAA keeps them from saying anything. Just like she said they treated him like a druggie and hardly gave him anything for pain. I said because they seen what he was a mile away and then they did a drug test on him to prove it and it told them everything they already knew. But again they couldn’t tell you.

She said he just told his family Thanksgiving about the cancer and that his mom had taken him to some doctors appointments already. I said he needs to go back up there with his mom and let her take care of him and take him where he needs to go and things. I said you don’t need to take on taking care of him and having to take off and take him all over the place. It sucks but he has done nothing but take advantage of  you for over a year now and still doing it. She of course says yeah I know. In other words yeah she knows but she isn’t going to do it and will probably end up being his care taker until whatever happens. Putting herself in more of a jam and at this point maybe losing her job. Because what I have heard from a few people between him and a guy at work she has already been in trouble and written up.

I don’t know it is bad but what can you say or do and the fact that he is sick now does not change all that he has done until now. I hate to see anything happen to him but it isn’t other’s place to take care of him when he has done nothing to take care of himself all this time and done nothing but used people and still using them.

She told me the other week he was working with the dumb ass that worked at the shop with us who messed the breaks up on my truck. I thought he would of been smart enough to get paid right away so that he would get paid. Then she tells me when we are talking about all this that nope he has worked weeks or maybe months now and has not been paid and that the dumb ass is saying he is waiting for this and that and to be paid so he hasn’t paid him. I said oh well then your both lost your mind if you really think he is going to get paid anything at this point. I said you both know him very well and know if he did not get paid when the work was done you aren’t going to get paid. I said he is the most lying, scamming coning pos out there. Well he is going to be pay pal this weekend and give him some money. I said yeah don’t hold your breath. She is waiting for this to help buy Christmas. Oh well she wants to be stupid about things and do all this knowing what she knows and been told and after everything that has happen that is on her. She said his family said she is the only one that hasn’t given up on him blah, blah. How is mom babied him and this is why he is the way he is. I said she is right, this is what i have said to you for how long now? You and her both baby him and enable him. I said there is a difference in being there and not giving up and enabling and being used. I said and all you have done is allow yourself to be used. She started with well he is good for the kids…..I said no he isn’t, what is he teaching x her son? That he don’t have to work to just find a women who does and that will let him live off of them? That he can do his drugs and treat them how ever he wants? I said at least his dad worked and taught him to get off his ass and work for what you want and to make away for himself. I said this one is undoing that and you have no one but your self to blame for that. I said what is he teaching your youngest daughter who just loves him and he has “helped” so much as you say? What that she is supposed to work her ass off to take care of a grown man that refuses to work and pay his way? Then if something happens to him to keep paying his way and then take care of him as well?

Of course she is all yeah but blah. blah. I said I’m not the only one that has said this to you and you know what everyone is saying is right. She said yeah, her older “son” as she calls him the one from the shop that lived with them keeps asking her why he is there and that she needs to get him out of there and everything. I said well he is right.

{July 11, 2019}   Other SUV’s vs. Mine

It has been hell trying to find another vehical, I have looked in 4 states trying to find something I want or would be happy with. The smaller and newer suv’s I just don’t like. I couldn’t figure out why.

The next one down from mine are nice I have had 2 in the past. But the new motors are horrible. They have problems, expensive to fix if they can be. Bff has had 2 and my friend with the car lot has one he put a ton of money into and still can’t get it fixed.

I figured out with the new suv’s most are smaller, hatchbacks and have one back seat. If it has a 3rd it is right against the back hatch. Even if you do not have the 3rd seat there is next to no cargo room if you don’t put the back seat down. You can’t with kids in the car.

In my truck I have enough room behind my 3rd row I could put a 4th seat back there, so lots of cargo room. I have it without folding seats or taking them out or losing seating. If I need more I can take one or two seats out or fold them and have a ton of cargo room. I have had a washer and drier in my truck and still had room I could put other stuff.

In the new ones I lose 2 to 3 seating space and still don’t have cargo room without folding the seat down again how do you do that if you have kids. I would be happy if I just had room for me all 4 kids and one extra person if they wanted to go.

I decided I would rather have a 4 door F150 or F250 with bench seat in the front and back. Then I would have seating for one extra person and cargo room. Best of all I wouldn’t have to always be putting seats up and down.

But finding a truck with 4 full doors that is in good shape inside and out and decent miles is impossible with the money I am working with. Even another truck like mine with a different motor is hard to find at a decent price and they are 2005 or older since they stop making them.

Everything is trashed or has 200,000 miles or more. Or they are both.

I said before I never put myself out there and told someone how I really felt and things but I guess this one time I did. I completely forgot about this. This was a while after me and R.C. split up and right before I had Little Bitty. I forgotten all about writting this and giving him.


I have so much I want to say and at the same time have no idea where to start or how to say it. Sometimes it is just as hard to write someone as it is to say something in person. It has never been easy for me to say how I feel thats for sure.

you know when we met we really weren’t expecting it to turn into anything and if it did not as fast as it did. We met that Wednesday at Scotts house and talked for a while and decided to get together that weekend and do something. We talked day and night it seemed until then as if we had known each other forever. I had promised elisha we would go to the flea market Saturday you wanted to bring the boys and meet us there. i wasn’t sure at first because I didn’t really want to bring the kids around someone I was talking to until later but things just seemed different and there was nothing wrong with meeting a friend. It was a nice time even with 5 kids and going to the flea market as everyone later joked about being our first date. I really hadn’t put much thought into it. I just knew i had a good time and didn’t want to leave but i had to get the kids home.

I took them dropped them off and got ready and come up for dinner. It was fun hanging out and talking to everyone meeting everyone. i was a little unconformable and not sure at first not knowing everyone and us just meeting to meet you mom and friends but when i got there it wasn’t bad at all. It helped we had been out earlier and I had met the boys and things. After dinner everyone left and took the kids with them. i wasn’t sure again but felt ok with everything. We ended up talking for hours. As we sat there and talked i would look up and our eyes would meet I wanted to look a way but couldn’t I felt like you could see every thing I was thinking and i was caught so off by what i was thinking and feeling. i would have to look a way to keep from just blurting out what I was feeling and doing what I wanted to do. as we talked i had to stop and think about what i wanted to say and force myself to say what i was trying to say and not what i wanted to say. i didn’t know what to think i had never felt that strongly about someone and never that fast before. all I could think was i wanted to get out of there before i said or did something i shouldn’t and at the same time i really didn’t want to leave at all. i wanted to stay and talk more. it got late and you wanted me to stay because it was so late and i was tired from not sleeping much the night before and getting up early. i felt funny about staying the night since we had just met and really didn’t know each other. I did any way because just liked being there and spending time with you and talking. we went and laid down but neither of us really got any sleep. we ended up talking playing and joking around and just holding each other. it felt so good just laying there holding each other and talking. that morning as I drove home I kept going back and forth in my head about it all and telling myself it just wasn’t normal to feel that way and that strong of feelings for someone that you just met and that you probably didn’t feel the same way. i debated on talking to you anymore or not at that point. i was so afraid of getting hurt even though i didn’t plan to tell you how i felt if we did keep talking for a while at least. we kept talking after that night. I couldn’t not talk to you the way I felt. things just kind of went from there and the feelings just got stronger. then one day you said you loved me and how scared you were but you were in love with me. how you knew it was so soon and that it wasn’t what we were expecting and you knew i was scared too. But that we could make it and would have each other. all i could think was you were saying everything that i had been feeling from day one and was to scared to say. afraid you would think it was to soon and i would scare you a way.

then everything happened the way that it did. you went up there and came back and said what you said and i felt so sick. i felt like i had been kicked in the stomach and like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on all at once. i didn’t know what to say or how to respond. i was so hurt and upset. i felt like my world had been snatched a way in an instant. i could never put into words how much i loved you and the boys and our family. i wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world. i knew we were having problems with the place being to small and things. but i didn’t think it was anything we couldn’t fix and get under controll. i thought we were on our way to working it out and getting something bigger to make everyone happy. we had gotten the loan and was going to get a place that weekend coming up or at least start looking for something. we had a few places to go look at and all. I couldn’t figure out what i had done so horrible to make you hate me so much and have things end up the way they did. how you could go from being so excited about the new baby and our family to not wanting our family or the new baby at all. i was so scared when we found out i was pregnant. we were trying to get the kids closer and to get along better and things i was scared it was going to push everyone farther apart or make things worse. you kept saying you thought it was just what we needed and how much closer it was going to bring everyone and the kids. I thought about it and started to feel good about it and trust you and felt you were right. all the kids loved babies so much and really loved each other that it was going to be good for our family and maybe you were right it would bring us closer together. i still don’t under stand how we go from that to where we are now.

on top of being so hurt i was mad at how everything happen mad that things happen the way they did that night when i left. mad at myself for not trying to figure out what was going on then and trying to work things out. mad that you are with someone else and that things would have maybe been different if i had said something then. mad that things are the way they are with you and her. you have done told me how you feel and how you think she feels about you. it isn’t what either of you thought. mad that you think your getting what you deserve as you put it and stay there. mad that she treats you like dog and all she cares about is the money and what you can give her or get her. that the money is all she cares about. that you have nothing since you got with her. like you always said its the little things and that the kids are happy and things. you do nothing you have nothing anymore. you work 24/7 you don’t even have your kids. your kids meant the world to you. they were your boys. it’s like you gave up everything to be with someone that could careless what you have or if your happy. i just don’t understand it at all.

it bothers me and maybe it shouldn’t but it does because i am still in love with you and care about you. i still love the kids and care about them. it bothers me about cory and him being in the mess and now over there with his mom and them because you know that when it comes down to it that isn’t where he really wants to be just as much as i know and that over there isn’t the best place for him. just like you said with mine and their dad just because that is where they may want to be it isn’t what is best for them but you just seem not to care anymore. and that isn’t right. i want you to be happy again i want to be with you. you deserve to be weather you think so or not. we all make mistakes and mess up in life but it is part of life. i want to be with you because of you not what you have or don’t have not what you can work your ass off and give me or for the money. you know i didn’t like you to work all the time 5 days was enough i wanted to spend time with you. the extra two days of work isn’t going to make or break anyone. the time not spent with people and not being happy will. i want to be with you because your such a good persons your kind caring loving and have a big heart. you are an awesome dad to all the kids. My kids both told me at different times less than a month apart they wished we were with you and not where we are. they said we were happier then. Oldest son tells me all the time you are his bro his buddy and he misses you why we can’t just go see you and the boys are his best friends and why they can’t come sleep over. says alot when they would rather be with you than their dad. Youngest son he is just youngest son but he found the frog you gave him the other day and he was so excited to have him back he just loves on it and kisses it all the time wants to take it everywhere.

i just want us back to be there by your side and you by mine helping each other and supporting each other. talking about our goals and dreams and working toward making them come true. taking care of our family together i miss our talks at night sitting outside in the still. i miss holding laying in bed with your arms around me listening to your heart and just knowing that everything is going to be alright because whatever happens we are going to get threw it together. i miss laying there with my arms around you watching you sleep. i love that no matter what we had to do we did it together and that we wanted to be together when we weren’t working or running kids around. it didn’t matter what we were doing we just enjoyed spending the time together. weather it was working on the trucks going to the junk yard looking for parts taking the kids fishing to the park or just hanging out outside and letting them play. i liked going out when we didn’t have them and playing pool or whatever. it really didn’t matter what we did we always had a good time because we were together. it wasn’t like with a lot of people you want space or time apart the more time we spent together the more i wanted to spend with you. i could go on and on but i won’t i have said what i have to say and told you how i really feel i would like to know how you feel and what you are thinking. i think there is something still there on your side too just by things you said before.

you said before that’s the past that is in the past and things like that true it is and they are but they don’t have to stay there and that don’t mean we couldn’t have it again. i think you still have feelings and there is still something there to because if there wasn’t i don’t think you would have called me back and kept talking to me after i text you that night and you knew who it was. to be honest i think you are embarrassed about the way things went and what happen. i think you feel bad about it. i think that you are in a spot you aren’t sure how to get out of or feel bad because of your daughter. i think you do feel like that how everything are there good or bad you deserve them and that you don’t deserve better or that you won’t find better. i think that you don’t think that we could ever have anything again because of the way things are and happen. but you do deserve better you can get out of the spot your in and you can do things different for your daughter with out staying in a spot that you are not happy in. there isn’t nothing that has been done that can’t be fixed or there isn’t a way out of. i am willing to be there and for you. as a friend or whatever. you know i am not one to give second chances much less to tell someone how i feel like this or want a second chance myself. but you can’t turn feelings off and on like a switch and for them to still be there and as strong or stronger than ever after 5 or 6 months i had to put it out there and at least let you know how i feel. now all i can do is sit back and wait to see what happens from know you can call or text me any time. Xxx-xxxx or send me a message on here if you want. i had written you a letter and wanted to stop by and give it to you but i never see you at work anymore. i have had it sitting here for a week or so now and finally got some time to sit down and use the internet so i decided i would send it to you on here. hope to hear from you soon.

{March 27, 2017}   Still No Bumper

Father of the year go to the junkyard and called to tell me that he found the two or three trucks they had there that would work with mind and they have no bumpers or brackets. He went to ask the guy if they had it and if there were more trucks somewhere else, the guy told him no they only had a few of those trucks they had been there a while and what he was looking for was sure to be gone long a go if it was any good but he could go look. I said ask him what happen to the one the lady told me she had? He told him they do not keep track of inventory of parts just vehicles. I was mad because I knew the person on the phone told me she had it all and told me all about it and all about the truck that was like mine that didn’t have the part.

She told me the truck that was like mine didn’t have any front end or motor it was pretty much stripped already. I ask her if she had any trucks that would interchange with mine that would have it? She said they do not have a list to show what trucks would interchange with mine. I then asked her if she had any 99-2004 F-250 Super Duty trucks with bumper and brackets. She said she had the bumper I ask about brackets and she said it was everything in good shape and the bumper was white. No problem with me because I can just get a few cans of bumper paint and paint it. When the guy told him they did not keep a list of parts for each I called the number back and asked for any F-250 Super Duty trucks she said she had a few 2001’s. I asked if they had bumpers and brackets and she told me I can’t tell you that you just have to go out and check it and see, we don’t keep a list of parts just what kind of vehicles we have. I was so mad because I just wasted gas money going up there for nothing.

I love my truck but I hate that it or any that interchange with it are hardly ever found in the junkyard unless they are just damaged beyond usage. The one like mine he said looked like it had been rolled a few times and the front end tore off it. I have no idea what they did to roll it and do that kind of damage because they are huge and weigh just below 8000 lbs. I am going to call the other junkyard that is here local that I deal with all the time back and ask them about other trucks that match up to mine. I thought they all had that in their computers and it would pull any matches when they check but if the one today don’t I bet they don’t either. The one today is a huge company that is all over the country and the little local one I deal with is one little yard here in town. I am starting to think that I am going to have to suck it up and go back and get the one I tried to get Friday where the guy wouldn’t let me go back and look at it because I didn’t have shoes on just flip flops even though I was signing a release to not hold him responsible. I got a little angry and said some things as I left because I called him on the phone and talk to him told him I would be in a little bit to look at it. Where we are almost everyone wears flip flops year round he should have just said hey put some shoes on or what. Then got nasty with me when I didn’t have any on. I guess we will see he already told me it was damaged so I don’t even know if it is worth it, even for the bracket’s because I can get them for the same price he wants on line brand new. I hope the yard I call tomorrow has something for me. We have one other one close that father of the Year worked for when he was doing towing but I have dealt with them in the past. They charged me for stuff then refused to give me everything they said. Then told me it was my fault I knew it wouldn’t work when I asked for it. I told them when I asked for it if they could give me everything I was asking for then it would work but if they couldn’t then I didn’t need any of it they a sure me they could give me everything I was asking for and glad I spent the time to make sure everything I needed before just buying stuff not knowing if it was going to work or needing to return stuff. I had been there three different days then to make sure they had what I needed once I knew what I wanted to do would work once I found out if i would work. Then they pulled that crap because they didn’t want to cut brackets out of the floor of the truck after telling me no problem.

I better get some sleep before I am falling a sleep in class tomorrow.

{January 9, 2017}   Why Do I Feel Obligated

To help people out who I hardly ever hear from and who do not come around unless they want something? The last time I heard from said person they were all pissed off and said a bunch of shit that really should have never been said. Never once have they said anything about it since it happen and it wasn’t a little something or just something to be forgotten about or over looked. I like this person as a friend but we are not close. We have talked here and there through messages since everything happened. The one time was wanting me to give them a ride yet again and would give me gas money another day yet again. It was in the evening we were settling down and I told them no. I told them I may go that way the next morning and if I did I would let them know and they could ride with me then. I wasn’t getting everyone dressed and ready and going out spending my gas that I didn’t have to do them a favor. The money they already owe me I knew I would not see any gas money. But I figured if I went that way it wouldn’t hurt to let them ride since I was going past where they wanted to go. I didn’t hear from them again after that for a long time. Then I seen their dad had passed away and I messaged and said I was sorry to hear about their dad passing and what. They said thanks and we chatted a little. That was 6 months or more ago probably. Yesterday I got a message asking how I was doing? I said fine and how were they? I just now got a message back at 1245 am asking if I was still up. I replied.

They want to know if I still lived in the same spot? I said yes, so then they say they are going out of town and want to know if they can park their car by my carport for a few weeks. I told them there have been a lot of break in’s cars and someone messing around my house lately. I didn’t even like having mine sit out there but I have no chose. Figuring that would make them not want to park it here. They say oh they really aren’t worried about that just more having somewhere to park it so it don’t get towed why they are gone for a few weeks. I didn’t reply or read it. Well I read it but it don’t show that I did. I don’t really want it here but then something says why not help them out what is it going to hurt. But then there is just that feeling of it is not a good idea just say no. Then I feel like I am wrong for saying no and like I am being a bitch or something but at the same time I feel like I am being used. Because most the time I do not hear from them unless they want something. They have helped me out a few times but very few. It seems more of a one way street mostly.

They are not the only ones I have this problem with. I have had friends who I watched their kids for over night, for the weekend and even kept them for the week and never charged anything for doing it provided all food and everything. But then ask them to watch my kids and it’s so much an hour or night. Or to come and do something and they don’t have time or other plans we will get together later but later never comes. But then who is the first person they are hitting up when they need something. And again I feel bad to say no or not help if I have nothing else going on.

I feel like if I am able to help then I should it is the thing to do. But there is a limit to that too. I just feel so conflicting when it comes to this kind of thing. I know I am right to say no and shouldn’t feel bad but I do. Then it bothers me that I feel bad for saying no. I have always been the peace keeper and the one to fix everything with and for everyone. I guess it’s just that if I can fix it then I need to fix it part of me.

I am not letting him park his car here, I don’t know what I am going to tell him but I have to tell him something I guess. Or is it ok to just ignore him and not reply anymore? I know it isn’t right but still. I hate when you tell people no and they want an explanation why. Just because I don’t want you to or don’t want to then pisses them off. When you give them a reason they come back with fifty excuses why it’s ok or it don’t matter. But I hate just not replying too. What to do what to do?

{January 6, 2017}   College Ripoff

I went and signed up for my classes yesterday only to see that sometime after that they cancelled one that I really needed. I didn’t do good last semester out of my 5 classes so I am on warning, I had to talk to an adviser and he signed me up for them. That one class means the difference of taking classes next term or not because I have to have it before I can take most of my next classes. I was taking it at the school in a class vs on line this time. Well now I have to take it on line because it was only offered one on line and one at the school. Now I have to take it with the same teacher I had last time and I am not happy about that because I do not like the way she did things and the fact she used a different book than she told us to get and you could never keep up or just winged most things. I also gave her a bad review when we had to fill them out at the end of the class because I was not happy with her lac of help with things when there was questions about where to find the work in the book because we all had different books.

But anyway that isn’t the biggest problem. The biggest problem I have is with the price of these books we have to get for each class. The first book I ever bought was $300 and something for one book that I hardly ever used. I then found a book place off campus but still end up paying around $300 to $400 to rent my books each term.

Yesterday I went in to the school store because they say they price match. I asked how much it would be for the 4 books I needed. I just wanted to rent used no big deal. The guy looks comes back and told me $418. Needless to say I did not get them there. I just wanted an idea before I went to my place to get them. I then went to my place to get them and they came to $290 something. $10 is because I deferred payment.

My friend has told me she got them on amazon really cheap. I figured she just had cheaper books or whatever I would have to have the money upfront and I never did. Well last night the kids talked me into giving them cash for all their amazon gift cards they have laying around here. I put them all in and there was over $200 in gift cards. I bought toilet paper because we are going to be out here soon and I do not have enough to buy any and I found some good priced decent mattress bags for our little problem we are fighting. I ordered 5 bags and the toilet paper came to just over $100, I didn’t think that was bad for a king, full and three twin and 27 rolls of tp.  That will last us months.

Back to my point. When I was looking at things on my account with amazon and placing my order I seen the book rental thing. I wasn’t able to look at it last night because I was falling a sleep while sitting at my computer trying to type. I just now got on there looked up all my books and they come to $142 to rent all 4. Now that is a pretty decent price for 4 books. That is around $35 a book with free shipping each way. Great price really. The book place I go to wanted twice the price of the book and the school store wanted 3 times that price. If they can sell it at a decent price and ship it two ways then why can’t these stores sell them for a decent price when we are walking in and picking them up no shipping either way? I would still be willing to pay the $35 a book even though they are not paying shipping because I know they have overhead and things and really $35 is a lot for a book but at the same time it isn’t.

I just don’t understand why the schools and these places have to charge so much for things and rip people off because that is just what they are doing. It isn’t even like oh the students live on campus they are charging them or something. No one lives on campus and there are a bunch of stores around to buy stuff at without paying an arm and leg. But the book store at the school charges like it is a little store or gas station and they are the only place around for 100 miles to get anything. I do not know how they stay in business other than they are in the college their-self and they just keep them there.

I am going to ask the other stores if they can price match it if not I am just going to order off line. Well a couple of them any way. the ones I can. I can’t order all of them off line because I am $53 short of ordering all of them off line. I will just get what is cheapest off amazon and then get what is cheapest at the book store. Hopefully they will price match and I won’t have to worry about it. Just going to aid to get them to put my book voucher on so I can buy them.

{January 1, 2017}   Happy New Year

Happy New Years everyone, hope that you all had a safe and fun new years eve. Mine didn’t go as planed but it was still an okay night. My grandpa was supposed to be here around 2 to look at the washer and I was going to go pick my friend up when he left and she was going to hang out for the night. He didn’t show up until after 6 pm. It took forever to just get the washer apart because of the way the newer ones are. My old washer didn’t have a back you could just pull it out and work on it. This one has a back all bottled and clipped on there and a bunch of wires ran all over hooked to the back panel.

He got here just as I was about to cook the potatoes and corn to go with the roast I had in the crock pot. I started them had my oldest watch them why I went out to help him. When it was all done I him and them plates but he wouldn’t eat. I went back out to help him farther of the year called and wanted to know if he could come see the kids. I’m thinking he needs to take them do something with them let them come over but that isn’t going to happen. I told him yes because I figured he could help grandpa with the washer too if he needed it more than I could if it came to moving it outside and things like he was talking about. My grandpa is 75 or older he don’t need to be moving washers. I moved it out and things for him but I couldn’t get it out the door and things if we needed to take it outside.

Grandpa got it all apart finally and said the part he thinks it is will most likely cost a lot to replace. He said I could probably get another used washer for what I would pay for the part. But I don’t have money for the part or another washer even if it is used. He said he had one at his house a lady gave him that he started checking it out and it seemed to work but he didn’t get to finish checking it. He said he was going to go home and check it out today or tomorrow and if it worked then I could have it. Once he checks it out I have to get gas to go and pick it up. Right now I have $15 to get gas to take the kids to and from school this week and buy dishwasher soap, shampoo, body soap and anything else like that we need. Oh I think I have less because I had to spend some on food yesterday and coffee filters so I could make coffee for my grandpa when he came and for the dinner. Father of the year didn’t give me anything this week and isn’t again for who knows how many weeks. I can’t believe it I am ready to lose my mind on him. I am going to take the microwave and the washer and scrap them if the other washer works that should give me gas to get the new washer, he lives about 20 miles or so away. I may end up scrapping my big grill that I have out there too I don’t know yet. I didn’t want to but if I have to in order to get the stuff I need I will. I am going to try to list the things I have left from the yard sale again hope to get a little bit about of them. I still have the toddler bed left a few other little odds and ends. I was hoping to have enough to buy a scale so I could list on ebay. I have to be able to weigh the stuff in order to for people to figure out the shipping cost or so I know how much it is going to cost to ship if I include shipping.

I want to call him and see if he has checked out the washer but I know he hasn’t he is probably just now getting up and then he will have to eat and get ready for the day and all that. He didn’t leave here until 11 or close to it last night. He got sick and dizzy why he was here with his sugar. I tried again to get him to eat something he said no he just needed something to drink sweet. I gave him a glass of soda and he stayed a while until he was feeling better. The kids all had to play air hockey with him before he left. I know he didn’t get home until after 1230 because I called to talk to my grandma and he said he was about 10 minutes from home then.

I hope this washer works and I can just go get it later today. We need to wash clothes now and can’t we are pulling out anything and everything we can find to wear and the beds need to be washed. I don’t want mounds of blankets sitting in the way and we don’t have but one set of sheets that fit my bed, I have a couple sets that are supposed to fit it but they don’t. I have to buy king for my bed in order for them to fit and stay on even though it is a queen. I am going to wash some stuff out by hand to wear and dry it. I am going to wait a few days on the sheets they aren’t horrible just getting to be time to wash them again. Then if I don’t have one in a couple days wash the sheets out by hand and dry them. The blankets will have to wait, I have extra so if it comes down to it I will just have to fold them up stack them in the laundry room and wait until I get a washer. Fun times but it could always be worse so all I can do is just keep going this is nothing compared to what I have been through.

{August 30, 2016}   Decisions Decisions

I still have a backroom full of furniture, you may remember I post awhile back talking about how my back room looked like a Furniture Store. Well it still does. I have not been able to get the stuff moved so that I can show it and every time I try to have a yard sale someone gets sick or something happens. This weekend it rained and I had tons of work to do for school since everyone was sick. I sat here for 14 hours straight Sunday doing school work trying to get it all done.

Now I am trying to decide what to do with the money. I was going to put it back in the pot to pay things, but have done without it this long and will be getting money again in about a week and I should be okay. I was thinking about selling my couch and love seat and putting like $100 from the money I have coming in a week or two with it to get a new one. I don’t need a brand new one but the new to me ones are just as much as a brand new one and they are nasty.

I was thinking about taking the money from the stuff I sell and getting me the bedroom set I have been wanting. I would probably get enough to pay for most of it. If I just get what I can now then the rest later would be ok. I just want the dresser, mirror, chest of draw and two night stands. I do not like the bed most places have with it so I would wait to get the bed that I want to go with it later or find a cheaper one later. Right now I have a basic black headboard so it would look find with it. Even if I just got the dresser, mirror and one night stand and got the other one and chest later would be ok. Then like me and my oldest were talking earlier when we finally move in a year or so we will all take our bedroom stuff with us because we will have nice new stuff, we won’t get there and have to sleep on the floor and worry about finding decent mattresses. We can still get rid of the couches, table, desk and the rest of the furniture in the house so we aren’t paying to haul extra stuff we don’t need. If we all have our beds to sit and sleep on we can take a little time to look for a couch. I could even take one of the beds and set up in the living room to sit on for a little bit until we found one if I needed to. We have two sets of bunks so we could put one of the single beds out there. They agreed it as long as we don’t have to sleep on the floor we aren’t worried about living room stuff. I would sell my couch and things before I left so I should have enough to get one when we get there no problem. It’s just finding some thing that we like.

Then I thought of doing something else with it the other day but I can’t even remember what it was now. Not surprising really.

Tonight I have been thinking about trying to sign my three older kids up for 4 H. I seen they had a meeting the other day when I had sick kids and could not have went anyway. I am going to call tomorrow and see what all they are offering and how much it is. From my understanding I think there are a few fee’s when you get in but after that it is mostly free. I could be 100% wrong because again it wasn’t something I was allowed to do when I was a kid. I would put all three in it but they only take kids ages 5 to 18. She has another year and a half or so to wait. But I want her to do something as well, so I thought maybe I could put her in a dance class if it was cheap enough. I looked at my friends studio tonight and emailed her to see what they had for her age and if it was to late for her to start since they started about three weeks ago when school started. I wasn’t planing to do anything then just thought of this today when I seen the 4 h thing. I had looked into 4 h before but then forgot about them. She said they have ballet and jazz and acro/jazz. I think she would like the acro/jazz because she likes to tumble and flip and things like that. She said we could stop by this week or next and she could try both classes out for free and see what one she liked. It is $50 a month for 2 hours. I guess that isn’t to horrible but it’s a lot when I am on such a tight budget. I know they have scholarships or use to so I am going to ask them about that and see if there is one she can get or if we can try when they come up. Because we have costume fee’s and things as well.

So now I am thinking maybe I should just put that money away and use it to do stuff like this for the kids. I could pay her dance stuff out of it and their fee’s for 4h or stuff at school if they needed something. Or if they wanted to take something else that didn’t cost to much then maybe I could pay for classes for them as well. Now I have to decide and see what is out there if 4 h don’t work and see what the studio has to offer. I may see if my Little Guy wants to do dance as well but I don’t think he will. I know my oldest don’t and my Big Boy will probably tell me it is for girls. Thing is if they all take something that cost all that much a month then the money won’t last long at all. I am trying to come up with a happy balance where they all can do something. Oh I could even pay and get our gym member ship back and we all could take karate plus use the gym when we wanted to for about $45 a month. But I really want to get them into a club of some kind that hey will do something they really like.

I know my oldest wants to ride and work with the horses again. I know 4 h does a lot with horses but I don’t know if she would need her own horse or if they have some, some way that they can use. She would love to do the horse shows but I know she would probably need her own for that for sure. I am just going to have to look into it more tomorrow then decide.

Oh I was thinking about using the money and doing a couple weekend trips away with just me and them the next few months. There is a little town about 75 miles north of us we would like to check out and they do a lot of stuff at Christmas time it’s supposed to be really pretty. There are a few other places we may decide to go or even decide to drive to Georgia for the weekend and check some places out see if they are anywhere we may want to move to. I have a friend in South Carolina we could drive up and see. Check some places out around her. I would probably go on a three day weekend or take them out of school for Friday. Do our driving on Thursday nights so we would be in town by Friday to look around. I could sleep why they were at school they could sleep in the truck on the way. Their schools are so easy and flexible. I will have to look into triple A if I do that too.

It’s so hard to decide. I really don’t have to get a bedroom set, I have a dresser with the mirror now and a night stand that matches. I have a headboard but it don’t match and I don’t have the other night stand or the chest that I want. It’s just the dresser and stand the people across the street gave me a while back. I could sell that and put toward the stuff for my room. But I could do without and just wait since I did buy a new to me mattress that was like new a while back. That is the main thing that I could not do without mine was beyond shot and had o be replaced.

My living room set the couch and love seat I HATE I am almost to the point of I would rather get rid of it and have none than keep this one. It was a temporary fix because we had none had people coming to the house and needed somewhere they could sit. I just never took the time to sell it or get anything different. The back are a bunch of pillows that come off and with 4 kids that just don’t work. They are always in the floor or tossed all over the couches and laying around on it. It isn’t comfortable to sit on because of the way it is made either really. I figure I can sell it get $250 to $300 out of it easy. The stuff I am looking at on there for that price and more looks like the people have had it for about 10 years and two or three other families have had it besides them for about 5 or so years before they have decided to sell it. It isn’t out dated that isn’t the problem at all. The problem with it is it is dirty and wore out. The leather and fake leather ones the stuff is peeling off or it’s rubbed off in places. The fabric ones are faded and look like they have dirt and who knows what grown into them. They look like they have never been cleaned and like they didn’t even try to clean it to sell it. Some of them have holes in them. Mine has a spot on the front arm that was tore when I got it but that is really it other than that it is nice, it is clean and it isn’t faded. I don’t let the dogs up there and for a while now I have had a blanket folded up on it and we have been sitting on it because I don’t want to get anything on it now that I know I want rid of it for sure. I took it apart and cleaned the couch tonight going to clean the love seat tomorrow. But we have a place here about 30 minutes away that I can get a brand new set for $400. If I get $300 for mine then I just need $128 to put with it to get a new one. I found a few at the rental stores for cash and carry between $300 and $400. But I figured if I was going to pay that I may as well buy it new rather than used. The rental places probably has better quality than the ones I am looking at new but they don’t have anything I really like that is in much better shape than what I see other places used. I stopped at one and they had a camo set for $400 said it would probably be cheaper if I come back over the weekend for their big holiday sale. Then they will probably drop it down another $100 or more. I told the kids and Father of the Year tonight when he was here if they dropped under $300 I would probably buy it just to get rid of mine and not spend a ton. They looked at me like I was crazy but that is how bad I want rid of mine. I just want something that is going to last me until we move then I am going to sell it and get something else. I keep telling myself just live with what I have not to spend the time or money on something else if I am going to get rid of it anyway. But I really hate this one and hate it more and more every day. If I can sell it for the $300 and that will pretty much pay for something else in there why not. I paid less than $280 for it when I bought it almost 3 years ago. So I am not out any money there.

The other thought I had was to sell everything I have in the back and my living room set, take all the money I get from it all and buy me a nice set that will last me a while. A set that will last me at least the next 5 years or more. Most of the time if I buy a living room set I expect to get 5 years out of it. I figure by then I will be ready for something new and even if I can’t resell it or I don’t get much for it I have gotten my money’s worth out of it. But then if I do that I have to keep it and move it with me when I go and have the cost of moving it and hoping it don’t get damaged in the move. But I would then go to where ever we decide to go with everything ready to set up house. because I have seen some really nice well made sets that I like. But they were more than I wanted to pay to just get rid of it in a year. I wouldn’t get close to my money back for it probably so I would lose money on it. The sets I am looking at for $400 I don’t feel I would be out any money really since I am selling my other set to get it and I already don’t expect to make much back on it since I am buying it so cheap and it probably isn’t as good of quality I buy most the time. That is one reason I go to the rental places is because I know where their stuff comes from and I know it is better quality, I also know that it has been cleaned really good and I can get good deals. Like the set I have now was brand new the people got it had paid it way all most paid off and then turned it in for some reason. They wanted more for it but I have bought a lot of stuff there and my friend runs the place so he gave me an even better deal on it than what they were asking. He knows most the time I buy new I don’t want used because I want it in good shape and clean. He knew the people who had it before and things like he said it wasn’t like a lot of places they have to pick stuff up from it was a clean decent nice house. I have seen them get so much back and have to just toss it in the dumpster it was so bad. He is like me if it is to bad he will find a way to get rid of it instead of selling it. He wants to keep a good rep and don’t want to be known as the store that has trash all the time. There is another store by a different name in the plaza they are in and they look like they are selling trash a lot of times.

I had one set I really liked when I had my Little Bitty that I wasn’t able to keep when Father of The Year pulled his stuff and we lost our house. The store I got it from said when I got it they had it and one more like it but they would not be getting anymore. I wanted them to order me a new set then. But tonight I looked the set up online and found the company that made it. They have it on their site for sell. I am going to call them in the morning and see how much it is from them. I am not even sure if they sell to the public but I think they do. I may just take my money and get it. It isn’t a huge set so it wouldn’t take up a lot of room on a truck. I guess I will wait and see how much it is and then decide what to do about everything. I may pay the extra if it isn’t way to much since I really like it. It most likely won’t be more than $500 or $600 so it would still leave me a good chunk of money to do something else with.

et cetera
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