Single___Parent___Life











{April 6, 2020}   How are You Doing?

With this quarantine? Are you under a quarantine? To what point? We are on a stay at home order until the end of the month. Kids are out of school until May 4th. I am not working my day job and working 8 hours a day at my night job. Because at my night job we are essential employee’s since we are a trucking company and we have to bring supplies into places. Thank God because I can’t be without no job.

Other than that most everything is closed down as of last Friday. No kind of entertainment is open. Restruants are drive through, curb side pick up, drive through or delivery. The beaches are open but you can’t park at them. You can’t park on the streets around them so you just have to park in parking lots and hope not to get towed if you go. Unless you know someone who lives out there or you live close enough to walk. I only go at night there isn’t really anywhere for me to park so I haven’t been in a while. You can still go fishing for now and swimming. I seen today they closed some parks or wetland area’s where people go to hike because they were being to crowed. Stores are open 8 to 8 here if you are lucky and now a lot are starting to only let x number of people in at a time. Wal Mart was doing that over the weekend but then it started raining and they gave that up. I don’t know if they are doing it today or not. I know they are supposed to and I hear they are going to only have the food and things like that for you to buy. They are going to block other things off so you can’t buy them. I don’t think that is going to go over well. I have been going once a week to the store and to get my coffee in the mornings. Sometimes I will stop on the way home to grab a drink. Other than that I will go through the drive through or do curb side pick up for lunch or dinner on the weekend for me and the kids.

But I am not mentally doing well with this whole thing at all. I have been hardly sleeping for days at a time. I fall a sleep and just as I get into that deep sleep I will jump and be wide awake. My heart pounding out of my chest and hurting at times. I will do that all night as soon as I start to get in that deep sleep. Or I just don’t sleep at all, I will go to bed think I been laying there and hour or less and it has been 4. Then the next thing I know it i time to get up.

I have been really irritable with the kids and everyone else as well with things. My moods have just been swinging all over the place. I feel clingy and needy and I feel like I have been dumping on J.W.   We aren’t getting to see each other as much either because his hours have changed as well, but mostly because of mine.

I was starting to feel good about us and that maybe things were really going to be alright, this might be it. Then all this has been going on and I feel like maybe we aren’t, maybe he is going to get tired of waiting for me, waiting on me to tell the kids, waiting on me to have time to come over or us to do things together.

I am worried that I am going to run him off with my dumping/venting to him. My just being stressed and down and aggravated. Or being to clingy/needy. I keep telling him I am sorry and that I am not trying to vent or dump on him. He keeps saying I’m not and that I have a lot going on, he understands, wishes he could do more. I told him last night I really wasn’t trying to bitch and be a pain in the ass. I am just so stressed and don’t know what to do. I told him a week or so ago I need something to take and have been trying to figure out what to get. He told me he missed me he wished he was here with me. To stop saying sorry I hadn’t done anything wrong.

He comments about staying the night and doing different things that he knows I can’t do right now. I tell him he knows I can’t do that right now. He says I know I am just messing with you. Or he knows one day soon and things. I am scared, I am scared that he is going to get tired of me not being able to do things because of the kids and find someone that isn’t tied to kids and can do things he wants to do without having to make arrangements or who can make them and has someone to watch them. I am jealous as well that he can just get up and do whatever he wants to do whenever he wants to and has his nights free after work and his day off free to do what he wants to do and don’t have to worry about anything. It isn’t his fault it is what it is. I am pissed off, I am pissed off that I never have a break. I am pissed off that the other two walk around and do anything and everything they want to do and never once have to or think about their kids why I do it all and never get a second to do anything at all that I don’t have to have my phone on me and worry about kids. I am tired, I am tired of being the only one who does it all, not having a break and not sleeping. I am just a huge ball of emotions. Like I told J.W last night I don’t even want to be around myself, I am sorry for being so bitchy and a pain in the ass. That is when he told me he missed me and wanted to be around me and I was fine.

You know I am not stressed about having to work, or worried that I might catch this or that I might give it to someone else. The verus don’t bother me at all. I am stressed about not getting to work. I am stressed my hours have been cut from 62 to 40. I am stressed because I am stuck in this house all the time when I am off and we can’t do anything. I am stressed because there is no end to this in sight. I am stressed because I am tired and want a break. I am stressed because I feel this whole thing was handled horribly and there are going to be so much bad come of this once things open up. I am just stressed because I don’t know what to do with myself. I work that is just what I do and I can’t work. I can’t make the money I need to make to do the things I need to do. I can’t go anywhere or do anything to get a break from the house. I was going to J.W’s at night to see him but now he don’t get off until two hours or more after I get off most days. Then by the time we get to see each other or spend time together it is midnight/1 am. What am I supposed to do for hours until he gets off and that is time I could be home with the kids really get to see them spend time with them. As much as I want to, I don’t want to either. Because every little thing they do drives me up the wall. They really aren’t doing anything just being kids. I know it is me.

I went to the store last night and found something to take. It is all natural. It says to take it three times day or every 15 minutes if you have panic attack not to go over 6 dose. I took it last night when I got it and once this morning on my way to work. I was going to take it later and I didn’t end up taking it. I am going to take it three times tomorrow like it says, see if I notice a change in how I feel the next few days. Or if I just need to take it when I am feeling some kind of way and like I need something. But I am thinking taking it three times like it says will get it built up in my system. If not I will move on to something else.

We have a naturalist in the area I was going to go by and talk to them but they are closed only pick up or mail order. If what I got don’t work I am going to call or message them and see what they recommend. I was going to try this stuff that Bff gets her daughter but it is only 20 pills one for day one for night. It will only last a little over two weeks. I am also going to try to get our medical covrage back in case i need to go in and get something.

Comment let us know how you are doing and lets support each other.



{March 30, 2020}   Here and Healthy

I haven’t been on in awhile, with all that is going on with this virus and everything closing things have been crazy. 3 out of 4 kids ended up with the flu. Not sure how me and Mr.9 did not get it (knock on wood) but I am happy we haven’t. Everyone who had it is over it now and going stir crazy.

We are under some kind of stay home order, I don’t really know the details. I have to go to work and am the only one who drives and able to get us stuff so life is pretty much normal for me. We haven’t been going out on the weekends. Everything is closed as for entertainment. People are still going fishing, to the beach, boating and other outdoor things.

I go to work shop once a week and go see my boyfriend after work and before I go if I have time. We get lunch or dinner and go to the little store. Everything to eat is take out nothing is open to eat in. We get it take it to work or back to his place.

The kids are getting set up to start school on line come Monday. That should be loads of fun with a 1st grader. I think Mr. 9 should be okay. They have packets they could pick up and do but I already did this. If it don’t work i am just going to tell them we need to change things. They say schools are going to go back the 15th of next month. I don’t believe it. I think if they were they would of just sent some packets home not set this whole online thing up. Not for what 15 days or less. Why go through all that trouble for a few days? I don’t know depending how things work out they may just start homeschooling with the older two. Little Bitty can’t wait to start hers online tomorrow. She wants to keep doing hers at home. I just may if my job works out.



{March 17, 2020}   Coronavirus Scare

Sadly true right now, I am so over this virus crap. I just want to scream, in a matter of days both jobs have slowed way down and I was even told at one I can start taking off early if I wanted to. Just when I was going to start staying later and getting more of my hours because of the beating my bank account has taken the last 17 days. I had been leaving early already the last month or so with everything going on and just feeling wore out. But right now I need my hours and don’t know how that is going to go over since they don’t want me getting them. I do have work to be done so hopefully that saves me. I plan to get my 6 or so the next two nights and got about 4 of my 5 last night because I clocked in early. But as long as I can show I am working not just sitting around like normally do they should not complain. I have an email from the other department that I work with with in the company saying that he needs this stuff done right away and waiting on it for a report that he has to do so I think that will all work out.

But then my other job the bus has went down and when I called to move people around to different days a lot said they would have to get back with me because their shops are going to reduced hours and workers for a while or closing. We can’t afford that. It has been slow in the shop the last week or so and we make a good chunk from the road. Without that and people not coming in I am worried they are going to decide to shut down as well. Pops hasn’t been in this week at all and his one son told me to tell him to spray everything down he don’t need to be getting sick. I figure it is best if he just stays home and waits it out seeing as my kids have been sick as well. I don’t have it but could be carrying it still. I have been doing everything I can to keep from spreading it.

When it comes down to it I feel that it is just the government way of putting fear in people. I probably said this on my last post about Little Bitty being sick but it is just really starting to get to me the way everyone is freaking out and acting like we have never had a sickness go around before or that we have never had something new come out. It is so scary and we all need to shut down everything. Honestly I feel that 99% of it is media playing into peoples fear and to boost their viewing.

Everyone is freaking out saying look at the numbers look at the numbers they don’t lie or they are worse. But if you really look at them read them and break them down to me they are not as bad as they seem. Yes they are bad any death is bad but we also have to keep a open mind and understanding about all this and that everyone is going to die and we have no idea how that is going to be for anyone. Some it is cancer others it is the flu, while others lay down go to sleep and just don’t wake up while someone else is in a car accident. Yes people have compromised immune systems and other health problems that also contribute to the fact and a lot of the people who are sick or have passed seem to be ones who are at higher risk. People who are it don’t matter what it is they catch they are at more risk than anyone else to end up with complications or dying from it. But when the media just starts throwing out numbers and deaths and area people don’t break it all down they don’t look at years before and see how they match up. The ones who do also do not break them down and consider all the factors that go into those numbers just as they are not with the new ones so they still end up in a panic.

Looking at numbers on this new virus that they are all panicked about I was just looking at numbers Globally it says more than 185,000 have it or have gotten it while it has killed more than 7,500. But 80,000 people have recovered from it. If we look at this realistically out of almost 88,000 people we lost just over or over 7,500 and still have almost 98,000 still fighting it I assume it didn’t say but that would be logical thinking if they have not died and not recovered. Following the same thought pattern if things stay as they are right now 90,000 or more will recover we will lose another 7,000 give or take. over all that is around 170,000 people out of 185,000 so far who has or should recover globally. Lets take this a step further has anyone looked at global population while panicking about all this? Because I have not heard or seen it talked about in the bit I have scared or read looking for these numbers. I went to find it and what I am seeing is that global population is 7.8 billion. If you step back and look at the big huge picture here, 100,000 or even 200,000 compared to 7.8 billion is a tiny little part of that. if it was money a person would not even notice it gone and in all reality even talking population it is not enough to make a noticeable impact. The only reason it is noticed and even known is because of the media throwing out numbers and big scary words like sickness, virus, and death. I read a few places there are around 8 deaths per every 1000 people every day. That is caused by any and every number of things that could kill you or you could die from. It isn’t broke down. Do you know how many people that is every day compared to the 7.8 billion people in the world?

Yes I understand that so many of these deaths from this sickness happen in one place or groups close together or whatever/how ever you want to say it. But again lets break it down and look at the situation surrounding who was sick, why they were sick, why they died. Again how many of them had traveled or been with people who had in high risk areas. How many already had underlying health issues? How many of them knew each other or are friends and family, co works of the ones who first had it or brought it around?

No we didn’t know about it before so we didn’t know to protect or self from it but then again what are they telling us to do to protect ourselves from it? Simple things like wash our hands, clean your area, cover your mouth and nose if you cough or sneeze, don’t touch your face. DON”T GO OUT IF YOU ARE SICK. Hum where have I heard all this before? Maybe because it is common since things we should all be doing already regardless if we think there is some kind of sickness out there that might kill us or not. But it seems people forget to do these things until something like this happens and then they freak out. The whole staying home if you are sick yes I know that you are contagious before you ever know your sick and by the time you know your sick your not contagious or just about out of the contagious phase. But there is nothing we can do about that, that is no one’s fault. We can not prevent spreading something we do not know we even have at the time. This is where your common since, wash your hands, keep things clean comes into play. It is up to us to keep ourselves from getting sick and even though it is not 100% fool proof or possible it helps. But at the same time we can’t go over board and scrub everything everyday and use a bottle of hand sanitize and try to live in a sereal environment either. Because you are not giving your body the change to build up your immune system so that it can fight off the bigger things that come along. Kids aren’t playing outside as much locked in schools all day with the a/c going then go home lock themselves in their house in the a/. They aren’t out playing in the dirt, getting fresh air being exposed to things.

I was just talking to the guy who comes and details our cars he brought up this virus and shutting everything down and how crazy it all is. He said the same thing it is all scare tactics and comes around to money.

I truly feel that if the media didn’t report so much and was banned from reporting on it for awhile that the scare would go down, all this lock down, buying everything in sight would stop. People would go back to living their lives as normal and we wouldn’t all die or go extinct from covid-19. Like they seem to be trying to make everyone think.



{March 4, 2017}   Wasted Trip

I wrote this Thursday but it didn’t publish so here it is now.

I been waiting to get insurance straight to go to the doctor it’s been weeks and I am still coughing like crazy. I tried to go yesterday and they only had a time I couldn’t get there for and said they can not get me in until next Tuesday. It is for my yearly physical that I have not had since I was pregnant with Little Bitty almost 4 years ago. We are supposed to go over getting my tubes tied and things like that. You only get a little bit of time and they don’t want to do it if you are sick.

I ended up going to the ER this morning when I dropped the kids off at school to see what they said. I still feel that it is  something that it isn’t going to go away with medications because my sons hasn’t went away yet and he is on steroids and antibiotics both and still coughing like I am. But I am also tired of hearing you need to go blah, blah from everyone and how horrible I sound. I went and they took me back. I laid there and coughed and coughed forever. Then the nurse came in and said they had to test for the flue and was going to order a chest x ray.

I don’t know how many of you have been tested for the flue before but if you haven’t let me tell you it SUCKS and that is an understatement. They take this long cotton swab and stick in your nose, they don’t just stick it right in side your nose they poke it back into your nose. No joke not exaggerating at all they stick it back past the bone in your nose and they do both sides. Once they get that far back there it hurts BAD, it seems to be more sensitive farther back than in the front. Much more in the back than the front. I can’t even say what it feels like or what it would be comparable to. I don’t know if I have ever felt a pain like that before. If you ever had a nat fly up your nose it’s about 10 times worse than that feeling. I didn’t flinch or move while she was doing it as bad as I wanted to but as soon as she took it out of the other side without thinking my hands with the blanket went up to my face. I had a ton of drainage and stuff come out of there and I sneezed and sneezed then coughed. One I finally got to where the pain was gone and all that stuff got down out of there I walked around and hardly coughed at all and didn’t feel any congestion or anything all day. I was shocked how much better I felt. Bu I am sure it will be back by tomorrow probably. I feel some now already.

The doctor came in told me that it was a virus. He said my lungs sound very clear and fine, he said he thinks it is all in my sinuses and that I don’t really need any medication the body just needs to fight it. He said I can give you medication for it but it isn’t going to work because it isn’t for what you have, there is no medication really for what you have other than something to help with the cough. He said even the flue stuff that they give yo when you test as having the flue don’t work. He said you can take it but most the time it don’t work. We have tons of people come back because they paid $250 for this medication and it isn’t working. He told me to just take the cough stuff and something for fever if needed.

When we went to therapy she said her son tested for the flue she took him to the doctor. The doctor said here if his insurance pays for this you can get it but if it don’t pay for it don’t rush out and buy it, just let him be. If he takes it and it helps at all it will only cut down him being sick by a day maybe and that again is if it helps at all. Its the medication everyone is paying $250 for Tamiflu. Two doctors both saying that it don’t work and only helps cut it down by a day if it does. They both even said the flue shot is not working even at killing 75% of the strains that are out there.

The kids are just finishing their medications and one is still sick and the other is catching this cold stuff the rest of us have even though she is on antibiotics for the last week. That right there tells me taking the same thing isn’t going to help me get over it when she has for a week and getting it now.



{January 17, 2016}   Maybe Fired

I haven’t been to work since Wednesday and then I worked half a day and went home. I was to sick to keep sitting there and hurting. I have been sick for a while, I wrote Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree was just a week before and I had been sick a while then. I thought it was the tree but got worse. Well the swelling in my face and neck went down for a few days so I thought I was better. Well then Tuesday night it was back and Wednesday it was worse and hurting. It wasn’t hurting in my mouth it was all up the right side of my head. I still wasn’t really coughing up anything and if I did it was clear and like water. I couldn’t get in anywhere to see anyone Wednesday or Thursday so I ended up going back to the er and this time I took my big boy with me because he was coughing and snotty too. His insurance is as messed up as mine so he can’t go to his doctor. Mine was so much worse than the other day with the swelling and pain all in the side of my face, under my neck and in my ear.

I told them when we got in there I had been there last week and was worse now that both the little kids were on meds and getting better but that I never got any and now was worse than before. I also told them I needed to get him seen and something because he was getting it and that I was messing work with all this and he caught it from me or one of the little ones who got it from me. They looked at me gave me penicillin and hydrocodones. Then gave him nothing and said oh its a virus.

I am still home hoping to be able to go back to work tomorrow. I have been on the penicillin every 6 hours and the hydrocodones every 6 hours since I got them Wednesday evening. Now last night and today I am getting stuff out of there more than I have been and it is nasty colored, I keep smelling something funny everyone else says they smell nothing and I have this nasty taste in my mouth. If the meds were working seems that I shouldn’t have color to it now three days into being on them. I am also still swelled up under my neck and some threw my face. I am not sure what to do at this point. Today is the first day I haven’t had to take the hydrocodones every 6 hours. Up until today if I didn’t take them all the time like it said I would be in so much pain I was in tears and about to come unglued from the pain and every little thing bothered me from just someone walking through the house.

I just got home from taking my big boy to urgent care because he has been saying for the last few hours his face is hurting in his jaw, cheek and around his eyes and forehead. I took him in and the doctor acted like I was stupid or wasting his time. Said well yeah I think it is just a virus as well but if you want meds I can give them to you and gave him meds. I told him we were all on them he said are they getting better I told him yes since they been on the meds, that I had only been on them a few days that I felt better as far as pain and things even thought i was still swelled up. He just said well it should have went down if the meds were working. I told him how I was coughing up all this nasty stuff and things he just acted like he didn’t want to be in there and walked out. I don’t know what this is but I just want to be over it and I didn’t want him to get this bad with it because I don’t want him to have to take a bunch of stuff for pain like I have had to take.

I have to go back to work tomorrow and hope I don’t get fired. I know now I probably won’t get my promotion or the job I wanted to be on since I have missed so much time now. I hope I still have a job of any kind when I get back really. I don’t know what I will do if I lose this but there was no way I could go in the pain I was in and as bad as this was swollen. I showed them before I left and I have called the leave line each day so I hope that they keep me on for something.

Father of the year got a job and is supposed to start tomorrow and I don’t know what we are going to do for a sitter. At this point I told him he is going to have to figure it out if the sitter can’t watch them tomorrow or until they are over this. I can’t lose my job and not have any money coming in. I don’t think I will get any tax money this year and I put my classes off until summer so I won’t get any money from school either. He does not give me a dime for anything or help get the kids any clothes shoes or nothing so him having a job, keeping a job or whatever to do with his job is the last of my worries at this point. He has to be there before me so I am sure he will probably try to leave before I get there with the kids so I will probably have to get up and take them early even though he was supposed to come here to watch them because his place is a mess and he can’t really have them there. I am not worried about him leaving before I get there because he is never up and leaving on time anyway. If I get there about the time he should be walking out the door to leave he will probably be just getting up. He says well no one cares if he has a job blah blah, when he hasn’t cared all this time if I had one or not.

I am tired I still feel like crap and swollen all under my neck. I really don’t feel like going and going out in the cold but I have to in hopes of saving my job and not getting fired. If I get fired at this point I am sunk. I should be ok but because of the divorce I running into more road blocks everything I try to do to get ahead and help me and the kids. Just like filing taxes and getting health insurance to get things I need taken care of. He just acts as if it is no big deal and he don’t care. Well he isn’t acting I know it is no big deal to him and he don’t care. It just makes me so mad, then I am supposed to care if he has a job or keeps it. I had everything worked out so that I would be caught up and have a little money ahead but now I missed so much work I will be lucky to get a little paid on each of the bills much less caught up and ahead. I feel like we are being so attacked right now and have no idea what way to turn.



et cetera
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