{May 13, 2019}   8lbs More

With all the walking I have done the last two weeks I have lost 8lbs. Not a lot but pretty good still. I have less than 15 lbs. to my goal weight. I am excited.

In the last two weeks I had coffee three days I think it was. When Pops gave me rides or picked me up. He would say coffee? I say sure stop we will get coffee and I would get us one. It was the large but I didn’t finish them all. I had a big bottle of tea the first Monday after my 4.5 mile walk and then a couple of glasses this past Thursday. When me and Special K went to dinner.

I am up to about 48 oz of water a day if I don’t have coffee. Think that is pretty good since I never drank water before. Now to be drinking 24 to 48 oz a day.

Oldest said pretty soon I am going to be stealing her clothes.

I can’t wait to walk into court Wednesday and see Father of the Year. He has not seen me since I loss all the weight I have. After him talking about how nasty some one in the size I was in would be or was.

{April 9, 2019}   Wow Post 2

The other night at work the guy who I was talking to about tires started talking to me.

He asked me so what’s your nitch?

Wasn’t sure what he was asking we had all been talking about different things. I asked what he meant or was talking about?

He says what job or jobs have you done you like best or doing?

I said oh Bail Bonds and Repo’s

He says oh so you done collections.

I said no repo’s.

Yeah you called people and did collections when they were behind on their car payments. Tried to collect payment.

No I did repo’s, I went out put the key in the car and drove it away because the collections people got no where with them and they didn’t pay.

Oh, oh, you actually went out and picked up the car or took it?


Looks at me funny and stumbles for words and shakes his head. Goes back to work. In a few minutes, you really liked doing that?


goes back to work

Sits at my desk and just laughs. Thinks wow really how do you get collections from rep’s when you been told not collections already.

Funny when you leave them speechless and your not even trying.

Guess I am going to walk up there and see what I can findout about my truck since I have still heard nothing about it. I am guessinng they aren’t going to mess with it. But they could just say that instead of letting the day waste and me wait. I could be looking to see what I can findout or trying to find someone to help me.

Its so freaken hot out and its probably two to three miles away. I don’t mind walking or walking that far, but when it is this hot out it kills me. I need something to drink so have to go out anyway. I want a shower but figure no use until I get back. By the time I get a block or two up the road you wont beable to tell I even had one. I just like to get one when I get up.

More worried about how to get this truck done or to and from everywhere I got to go if I can’t. Work is 25 minute drive each way. Hard to get rides out there. Very hard to get rides back the hours I get off and not knowing for sure what time I will get off. No one works with me at night so can’t ask them. Such a mess.


{June 27, 2015}   No More Walking

My friend came over yesterday and I was able to get my truck back. I was there before their doors opened waiting. The girl took care of everything and then we went out to get it. They had it behind this big fence with a bunch of other cars all in a line and a ton of other stuff around it. She could’t get the gate open past the truck it is messed up I told her they had it open the other way when they put it in she kept saying it wouldn’t open that way since it was broke. There was no way they could pull it up to get the gate past it she was scared to drive it. My friend went over and got the gate to start opening the other way and the girl then started trying to help her and get it to open the other way. They got it open some I said you can back it out this way and around the gate there is room if you can’t or don’t want to open it all the way she looked at me like I was crazy. She got the gate open and I went to make sure the kids were out of the way so she could back it out. She started to the truck a couple times and stopped. She finally looked at me and said do you want to pull it out since it’s first one. I said yeah I can back it out I don’t mind. She looked so glad. I backed it up and around to miss the tree and then had to pull it up and back around again because there was a wall and the store right there on either side. She looked amazed that I turned t around but I did’t want to back it all the way out and around the store they have stuff sitting there people walking all around and cars all around. At that point I was just happy to have my truck back, I could have probably backed it all the way home if I had too. I was so nice to have room not feel smashed it the doors close like they should not have to worry about them popping open or it dying and walking and the kids were so glad to have air that worked like it should and vents in the back so they could feel it when it was on. Now to pay the bills and wait for the rest of my money to come so that I can pay up on the rent and things.

{June 25, 2015}   The Walking Continues

Today I have checked off and on to see if my money was there really not expecting it to me until sometime tomorrow. Well I checked around 3 and nothing was there we got a really bad storm me and the kids laid around read and watched some tv. I fell a sleep laying here watching something on tv with them when I went to get up something said check to see if it was there or not so I did and I had a email saying it had been put on my card. I called the card to make sure and sure enough it was there. It was a little after 4:30 the place closes at 6. I called couple people got no answer so I got the kids already and we headed out. I got lucky and had two strollers so I put the little ones in them and me and my big boy pushed them. It took us about 35/40 minutes to walk all the way up there. 

The place was packed the line was down the aisel and around the back. We waited and waited finally got up there and the women gave us off to the guy who was helping me when I left it. He got my idea and looked everything up, I pulled my bank card out and went to hand it to him and he said I can’t take that it has to be cash for all pick ups. I about cried we were all so hot my little guy needed to go to the bathroom they wouldn’t let him use it there. Said we had to go to the store next to them. He knew we had walked up there. He was like I am so sorry you walked all the way up here and have waited this long. He said if I could leave I would take you to get the money and come back. He asked if I wanted him to call us a cab. I told him no they cost a small fortune and then want to charge extra for each person and you wait a hour or more to even be picked up. We could walk it home by before it would get there to pick us up. We left and I walked over to the other store to take my little guy to the bathroom and they were closed, we walked down to the diner we like to eat at and they were closed. There wasn’t anything else close to take him we had to back track to even head home then. 

Then father of the year calls says he was getting dropped off here I tried to get him to ask the guy who gave him a ride to pick us up of course he had an excuse for not asking him. I told him I would pay him if he would just pick us up. I finally got the kids to the house I left them with farther of the year and walked over to the college to get money so I would have it tomorrow and I could get more tomorrow. I can only get $500 at the atm and they said I can get up to $500 at the store and I need $1400. It is supposed to be free at the school atm to get it and only cost me 50 cent to get it at the store. I figured I go to the school tonight then again in the morning and then to the store in the morning. Needless to say it rained yet again. thank god it wasn’t to bad and we didn’t get soaked. By the time I got home I had been out walking for almost 3 hours. Father of the year thinks nothing of it, acts like no big deal. Wants to try and get the van to start and drive it. It’s just going to get stuck again and cost me more money because we don’t have the parts to fix what we think is wrong with it and if we are wrong because it hasn’t been checked to see for sure. I said no just take them in and forget it. 

Thank God tomorrow my friends going to come when her husband goes to work and take us to get the rest of the money and then go get it. If that fall through I guess we will get up early and try to figure out the bus and figure a way to take the bus from place to place or as close to them as we can get. I didn’t have time today to figure it all out and it was so late a lot of them weren’t running any more. 

As much as I have walked and sweated this week I should have lost 20lbs easy. But I bet I haven’t lost any. If I had it may all be worth it. 

{June 25, 2015}   Out Walking In The Night

The other day I posted about running out of gas with my friend and two little s (Your Not Going To Kill Me, Are You). I walked up to the station got gas and a ride back  to the van.

Well last night I left the kids with father of the year and went to church, I haven’t been in almost a month and missed bible study last month. I really felt I needed to go. We put about $15 in gas yesterday and he put in another $5 this morning. We have went hardly no where on that $20 at all. My big ass truck gets over 10 miles to a gallon I know this little mini van should get at least that if not more so on $20 I should have been able to go them places home and him back to work and home again.

I get half way home from bible study and break down right in front of my old job. I nearly make it off the road and into their lot before it wouldn’t go any more. I called all over to try and get someone to come help me and everyone was busy or working. I sat there a little bit and decided to go try and get gas.

I walked up to the little store and paid over $10 for a little tiny gas can and got $2.50 in gas. I went to walk back to the van this older guy come out of the store and called to me. I walked back over the guy working in the store came out he said he is ok really nice guy I have known him for a while he will take you back to your car if you want. I thought at that point may as well I rather fight than walk tonight. We got back to the van and put the gas in it still wouldn’t start. The guy finally left and I called farther of the year had him call work and have them send a tow truck.

I have no idea what is wrong with it sitting there doing nothing and it makes this grinding and growing sound. No key on or in it. I think it is possessed really I do. At this point I really don’t care. I just needed it to last until Friday because I didn’t get my money Tuesday. Went to the school they said it wouldn’t be there until the end of the week. At this point I have nothing to do, no where to go today, I will just find a way to go get my truck and forget it. It needs to much work and not worth it to me to put money into it to make it run again for a day or two when it needs so much other stuff that is going to be a problem soon. I told them the other day I think it is something besides the gas because I thought it should have had gas in it the other day when we got stuck too. Now they think it is something wrong with the fuel pump. Even though the gage didn’t work and read full one minute and empty the next once it got to low it would ding and once it started to ding you had to get gas right away. It hasn’t dinged the last two times it was supposedly out of gas. But if it is the fuel pump even if it isn’t out if it gets to low it would still keep it from pulling it up through there so it wouldn’t run.

Everyone says they can come take a look at it or wants to buy it but don’t want to pay anything for it. I told them at this point it is tagged until October I can leave it sit parked and nothing no one can do about it for now. I have to much other stuff to worry about to think about what to do with it. If I sell it I have to track my brother down get him to sign papers and then sit at the tag office for hours to get at title. No one wants to give me over $500 to $600 for it. It will cost me $100 to get a title so I am back down to $500 plus the hours sitting waiting to get a title with 4 kids. I went to just get my license the other day and sat for 2.5 hours. It is no different than sitting and waiting for a title. I can scrap it for $500 with no title why would I want to sell it for $600 or even $700 to still end up with only $500 by the time I sit wait and pay for a title. They don’t seem to understand that. My friend wants the tires if they are in good shape. I figure I will sell them the tires for it and get his old ones and put on it and still sell it for $500 for scrap and still be at $600 or more and not have to do all the running around putting out money and waiting. If he wants anything else off of it I can sell him that too and then scrap it.

Its pouring here so not like we would have been going anywhere today any how.

I get a call at 9:30 this morning from father of the year telling me the kids needed milk and juice. I laid here awake most the night unable to sleep. He went to work knowing they needed stuff and didn’t bother to get it before he went. But he wants them half the time and he has things under control. We hung up and I fell back to sleep. I needed to get up wash some clothes and take a shower. Not that I was going to get to do any of that now since they were waiting. In a little bit I get a call again. I get up get dressed and go take them the stuff they needed. I told them to be ready so that they could come home. I had to pick them up anyway today. By the time I got home got ready to go it would have been time to pick them up and I had no time to do what I needed to do.

I go take all their stuff about 15 minutes later father of the year shows up with stuff. I’m like what are you doing? Oh well I didn’t think you were coming. He knew I was coming when we hung up he told me how he was moving trucks around and this women was mad he had to do her car she been waiting and he couldn’t leave to do anything. He would go when he had a free time. I told him they needed stuff now not when or if he got free time I had to go take care of it because once again he didn’t do what he should have.

Then I find out he didn’t have nothing there for lunch or dinner either. My she said if I got them something she would watch them so I could go to the college and get everything taken care of with aid and signing up for classes. So me and the girls went to the store and got stuff. I dropped them back off.

I get to the college and take them my letter to show my loans had been paid and the guy says no this says there is a balance of $2500 and something. I never read the letter. I open it seen it said we took X and paid your loan. I knew loan was X and that was what they said they paid. I just folded it up and put it in the file so I would have it if I needed it. I felt stupid when he said this. He gave me a number to call said it would take about 9 payments to get them in good standing and me to be able to go to school.

I went out to the truck and called the number they didn’t have any record of my loans. They gave me another number who gave me a 3 rd number. They finally were able to help me. She did have some good news that I am still a little scared to believe. But she said that she found my loans and that there was only a balance of $106 left owed on it. That as soon as I paid it they would lift the hold on my loan and that I could get aid.

The thing is I don’t have $100. I put my last $15 in my truck for gas. I went and checked on the job to deliver flowers today and he still needed drivers. I gave them all the information and I’m supposed to be at their warehouse at 8:30 Friday morning. But I probably won’t get paid for it until the following Friday and by then it is going to be to late for me to sign up for classes. I know I have enough there to pay for my classes and have a little bit left over to help me with other things I need. But here I sit $106 is going to keep me from getting thousands.

I went and asked my friend if he had it I could borrow until I got my money from my loans he didn’t have it. I didn’t figure he did but thought maybe. He knows I would give it to him as soon as my money came and sooner if I was able to get it. He has a bill he is trying to pay as well. He called me after I left and ask me when I needed the money by. I told him as soon as I could get it because I was trying to get this taken care of to start classes in like two weeks. He said he just wanted to know if he was able to come up with what he needed and have any extra. He said you know if I had it I would give it to you. I tell he felt bad he didn’t have it. But he has a family too. It one of them things it with both of us it is hit and miss. But if one of us needs it we will ask and try to help the other get it if we don’t have it.

I am trying not to get down, depressed, mad or whatever. I am trying to stay positive and know that it will all work out. But then I have my mom calling and texting wanting to know what is going on and freaking out she is going to have to move. I went a tried to get a loan and I can’t because I don’t have a bank account and income every week. I only get mine once a month.

I am so mad with father of the year he has had two pay checks and given me $30 for the kids. Well he didn’t even give me that, I had to call and ask him to pay a bills. Then he wanted the money for it back. I basically told him no. In the last 4 weeks he has had $1600 and all he has paid out of it was $800 rent, $300 between lights and car insurance. He hasn’t bought gas and things because he put $10 in the van and go forever on it and he had the tow truck up until the end of last week.  There is $500 he can not account for. That don’t include the check for over $1000 he got before that he paid hardly nothing out of. He hasn’t paid anything other than rent at his place and still has the check for that sitting there he lied said he paid it and hasn’t. Oh and he got a loan for $300 the other day. When asked where it went he can’t say. I called the bank he left the information here to see if he was just sitting on it or what. It is over drew by $4 and some change.

I was so mad I called him and asked if the shop manager was around. He said yes and wanted to know why. I told him I had to come sell my dads van. I needed this money for school and to pay my phone and get gas for the weekend. He freaked out and started screaming and yelling. How I better not do that and what was he supposed to drive on and on. How he wouldn’t ever help me again all the help he has given me. How much he helps. I kept saying what help? Your not helping or I would have some money now. I do too he yelling some more. Hung up like always hang up and then ignore. Then he text me later what are you doing with this van I can’t believe you do me this way yada yada. I said no you don’t help pay for anything for your kids for over a month and then I am doing you some way because I am going to sell my van for way less than what I could get for it to get money for things I need but I am doing you this way. What am I going to drive that’s all I have. I said you know you don’t care we need money for things and act like we live for free. Anyone else I know would not only take the van and sell it too but you did them this way and not pay help with kids they take the blue truck sell it too. I trying not to be a bitch and go back on the deal we made but also have the money I need and pay all that needs to be paid. I took every last dime I had and paid everything and still need money for this stuff. I could get about $500 for the van in a month or so but I have to do what I have to do.

Then he starts I can promise you it won’t be pretty leave me stuck walking and see. You do that and you will sell your truck. I told him nope I wouldn’t it is all in my name and belongs to me. I got the truck with tax money that he wouldn’t have gotten back if I hadn’t signed the papers. The van my dad left me and the blue one I bought with my money from when I got hit and my car was totalled. None of that money came out of his pocket for any of them.

I really don’t want to take so little for the van because I know if I hold on to it a little longer then I could get just about enough to pay my rent with it. I need it to use for work this weekend. It will do way better on gas than my truck will. I still have to figure out how I can get money for gas to even be able to go to work and make any money.

I just feel like no matter how hard I try, no matter what I try to do something has to come up and stop it or something has to make it harder than it has to be. I had been feeling pretty good but right now I just feel like I am about defeated.


{April 19, 2014}   1 Year And 16 Days Ago

I gave birth to my second baby girl. My itty bitty. She was the smallest of my babies and at just over a year she is still my itty bitty at just 16 lbs.

She started walking just a few days after her birthday. She had been crousing the couch tables and other things for months. Had started taking up to 5 steps on her own but wasn’t ready to fully take off on her own just yet. Then over night it seemed she was running every where. Every time I would walk through the house and seen her she was walking around. I love it, I hate the crawling stage. Now I have to get her use to shoes. I don’t like shoes and never put shoes on my babies til they started walking. She isn’t takeing to them as good as my other three.

It has been a hard but rewarding year. I think the hardest thing I have done so far in life is being the only one 100% responsable for a new baby. Her dad has still only seen or asked about her the one time when she was 4 1/2 weeks old. He is the one missing out now.

We have had a lot going on the last month and I feel horrible I haven’t gotten to do her a party yet. I was going to do one next weekend but I just don’t think im going to be able to do it. I decided to have everyone over for easter and just do a cake for her then. I am having a hard time with it because I had a party all planed for her. I have planed her party far longer than I probably should have been. But she is my last baby and I’m not going to have the chance to do all the first again after her. I know she don’t know the difference and don’t care either way. Its my self I am dealing with. I know that probably sounds crazy but I love doing all the stuff for my kids and knowing this is it. And the fact her dad isn’t in the picture and I’m still getting no help I don’t want her to miss out because of it. I feel she gets shorted because of things that have nothing to do with her and it isn’t right.

She is so smart, funny and loving, but boy does she have a temper too. She blows kisses and leans over for you to hug her. The kids will be sitting in the floor she crawls up them and hug them. Now that we have our dog back she just loves on her all day. He will lay down with her head on her or put her head on hers. The dog acts like she dont like it but you can tell she loves every min of it. She even gets in the dog cage when noone is looking and sits with the dog.

She has a bruse in the middle of her forhead right now thats been there a week or more. When she gets mad she head butts the floor or wall. She sits in the floor throws herself flat on her belly and screams. When she see we arent looking at her then she gets up and goes on. She is a handfull.

et cetera
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