It is 10:40 a.m and I just want to scream fuck the storm lets get on with life as normal. Whatever happens happens. It was supposed to of been here and gone by now we should be well on our way in cleaning up and heading back to work. We are still waiting on it. It is still 195 miles below where we are and they have no idea where it is going to go. They keep saying hug or skirt the coast but they do not know how close. Last night they were saying 30 to 40 miles off the coast I was okay with that. Today the eye is all but touching us. Then they say we do not know how far off it will be and by the way we don’t know if or where it may come on shore at it is likely.

Some of the charts bring it in down south straight up the middle just about. Others show it coming in right below us or right above us. Still on us we would still be in some of the worse of it. Most are showing it with the eye running up and around the coast just on land or just off but to close.

We will have a lot of damage if it follows these paths. Tons of homes and business lost, flooding like we haven’t seen and who knows if we will have power for how long we will be out. I don’t think our old bridges to the island and then to the beaches will survive. Then what do we do?

Most hit and run I guess you could say. You feel it for some hours and it’s gone. This one could crawl over us for 2 days they are saying. That is bad really bad and makes the damage worse. Places that may have withstood a fast blow over may not be able to withstand this thing sitting on it beating and beating on it and all the extra water and pressure from it.

Everything is closing with no idea of when they will open again. Others are trying to hold out and get as many trucks as they can in so people can get things they need. Because once they close no one knows when or what will be able to open or how long it will take to get trucks into us so they have things we need.

People think you get a little rain, wind some damage you go back to normal when it is over. It really is not like that. Like now everyone’s lives have come to a stop or their day to day has drastically changed dealing with this. Now all we can do is sit and wait days for it to hit and then wait days for it to pass so we spend days more with no power sometimes no water and just wonder when life will go back to normal. People do not know how stressful going through something like this really is.

I am in a weird place right now. I am in that place where I know I need to do things and get ready but I can’t force myself up and get them done. I know this is bad but at the same time the not knowing not having any idea and being in limbo makes it harder to want to do anything. Honestly I just want to sleep. Everything is bothering me with the kids wanting to do things and bored. I just want to be left a lone. I feel horrible for it. I am very irritated when I am awake.

I just want life back to normal or at least this thing to hit us so we can start working toward normal again.

I think another update should of just come or be coming. I guess I should go check it and see what they are saying. I need to finish getting my carport cleaned off because I only half done it last night. We are getting a little bit of wind and rain off and on now. Nothing major but it is going to get worse through out the day and tomorrow they say.

{August 13, 2019}   A Camping We Shall Go

My Little Guy’s birthday is in a month. He wants nothing more than to go camping for his birthday. I am looking all over to try and find somewhere to go for a weekend Friday night to Sunday and everything is booked. All I can find is Sunday night to when ever during the week. I can’t take off work and he can’t take off school. I already have to take off work Friday in order to go but I can’t take off two or three days. We are coming into months where I will be missing a lot of work.

I was already looking at the calendar today trying to figure out if I could afford to take off the week of Christmas or even 3 days that week.  We will be closed the day before the day of, then my birthday is the day after. That is Tuesday through Thursday. Meaning I would work Monday and Friday. Or Monday, Thursday, Friday.

He wants to go camping in the woods in tents, no phones, electric or anything else. Cut tress to have a fire to cook on and logs to sit on. I hate to burst his bubble but I can’t do that. We will have to have air mattress because I can’t sleep on the ground.

At this point I am thinking about trying to find someone we know with property that we can pitch a tent and have a fire. Be able to take the dogs as well maybe to make things a little easier or harder I don’t know. Easier in the way I won’t have to board them harder in the way of they just are a pain and have to be on chains and everything and can get off them.

I am going to have to see what I can figure out he has been talking about this camping trip for months now. I don’t want to disappoint him over something so simple.


Coffee, when Pop picked me up we met at the little store so he didn’t have to try to fine the house and I needed to go to the atm to get money as well. When he got there he went in and got coffee, I had already got water and juice so I didn’t ask him to stop to get coffee. The store I was at don’t have the coffee I wanted so I am sitting here without. Boy do I feel it, I am so tired and dragging. The same way I have felt all week without coffee, until last night when I had coffee I felt so much better.

I can not sit here and feel this way all the time. So the pro’s by far out weigh the cons at this point. But like I said in my other post if coffee and juice are the only things i drink other than water and water is what I drink the most of then I think I am doing good.

{May 1, 2019}   No Coffee

I have had no coffee since Saturday and I don’t know how I feel about that. I want it but have not been able to get to my store to get it. I go to the one little store on my way to work that has a nice coffee area, they have ice coffee, hot coffee, and all the creamers or what that you want for them and they are only $1 for any size. The other stores don’t have the ice coffee and all that.

Since my truck has been broke down I haven’t been able to get one. The bus goes right buy there and I was going to get off and get one then catch the next bus that came by but I wasn’t sure what time it would be coming back if I would have enough time to get to the bus station and catch my bus that came over to the island so I didn’t. I got to work an hour and a half early.

Today I was going to go and catch a later bus but then decided to catch the early bus and get off at the store and then catch it when it came back around. The early bus was 7 minutes late so that means they will now be late when they come back around. I knew the other bus I needed to catch would be gone by the time I got there if I got off. I went on to the station in hopes of going ahead and catching my other bus early. Nope it was gone already when we got there. I figured it would be but held out hope. So we had to sit and wait about half an hour for the other bus to come. I got to work 45 minutes early today riding the same bus that I rode yesterday and go there and hour and half early. All because one bus was running 7 minutes late. You wouldn’t think 7 minutes would make that big of a difference but the other buses aren’t going to wait for that late bus because then it throws them all off and sets them behind for the day.

So I didn’t get my daily coffee today either. I am starting to think maybe I should just not stop and get it anymore once I get my truck fixed since I haven’t had it all this time. I did break down and buy a tea Monday when I walked all that way but I haven’t had any since. That one made me feel so sick and messed with my stomach right away. I have been drinking water. I bought the big 24 oz bottles and drink both of them yesterday and then one the day before and the big bottle of tea. I got a litter bottle today see if I drink all that I will probably need to stop at the store and get me one on the way to my other job if I can find a ride there so I will have something to drink tonight. I don’t know why I didn’t buy two of they others instead.

Maybe it will be easier to start drinking mostly water after all.

{April 25, 2019}   Coffee & Water Day 4

I should not be drinking tea and started drinking it again to long ago. The last few weeks my stomach has been bothering me again. I know that my coffee isn’t helping either but I’m not 100% ready ready or able to give that up yet. So I compromising, I have down sized my large like 32 oz coffee to my 12 oz coffee. I have not had any tea since Friday.

Monday I started my day with my small coffee and two big bottles of water. I drank all the coffee and probably not even a quarter of the bottle of water if that. I have a huge problem with water. I can not drink water to save my life. I want flavor, and then I have a problem with having flavor in water because I have a problem with things tasting like things that they aren’t. Because lets face it, flavored water is to me just kool aid without sugar.

Tuesday I had the idea that orange juice would be better. I bought two and my coffee, I had no problem drinking all that. But yesterday I decided I needed to suck it up and drink the water. I can’t drink a ton of juice everyday all day. I went and got the other bottle of water from Tuesday and drink some of it but not a lot. I went to Applebee’s with BFF and her aunt. I didn’t order a tea or any drinks. I wanted to order a screwdriver or something but I didn’t. When we left there I finished the rest of the bottle of the water. It wasn’t to bad but it was hard.

It is 3:30 and I still have a little bit of my coffee left and two bottles of water I bought today in there. I am going to try and drink one of them this afternoon/evening. I don’t know how well that will go over but I hope that it goes over as good or better than yesterday. I hope that by next week it will get better. Because I am always dehydrated I should be drinking water every day and don’t so hopefully I will get use to it and start drinking more than just one bottle in a day and be able to just drink my one coffee and water after that.

Bff said just get a tea and just have a tea on Wednesday nights. But like I told her I just stopped having it Friday if I drink it I will just keep on. That is how I got started back drinking it was I will just have one when I am out to eat or out with them and then started drinking it all the time when I stopped drinking the soda and just replaced the soda with the tea. Really they are the only sugar I have as well most the time so that I think will be good getting rid of all that sugar I have been getting. It will also cut out a lot of calories and I will start losing weight again because I am at a stand still right now it seems. I haven’t weighed myself in a while so I dont’ know where I am now. I should be at 140 or less. I think I have lost some since I checked last a month or so ago because my pants seem to be a lot loser.

{April 14, 2019}   A Lazy Weekend

Saturday Bff called and asked if we wanted to go to the beach. They were ready, we jumped up and got ready. We spent a few hours or more out there. My kids loved it. More than I expected they would like it. My big boy got in the water and stayed the whole time. I really did not think he was going to like it. The little two loved it as well. I am not a beach in the day time kind of person. But it wasn’t bad. I like to go at night and walk or just sit and relax.

We were going to go today but decided to wait. We used sunscreen but still burnt places we missed and I was tired.

I ended up sleeping 12 hours straight pretty much. But it was much needed. I get about 15 hours between Monday night and Friday night. By the weekend I am beat. Was thinking about going next weekend but it is Easter weekend so I don’t know. Think I will get the kids beach stuff and outdoor games for Easter.

{June 16, 2018}   Truck is Fixed, I Hope

After everything that happen today (yesterday now technically) I messaged My Good Friend and told him. He ask what I was doing tonight and said he would be at his shop at 10. I went about 930 to get the oil and dish soap I forgot to get that we needed. Then he told me he was running late at the pizza place we work at. I sat in the parking lot at the store for a while then bff said she was in the store. I walked in talked to her a bit. When I got outside I seen Good Friend had messaged and called me. He was there at the shop. I went over there, he was doing somthing on a little car. Took him all of 20 minutes or less to do. Made $140. I am thinking I am doing the wrong jobs.

Anyway he finished that we moved everything in and out got my truck in there. He showed me how to drain the radiator so that next week when I am off I can drain it put the soap in there and fill it back up. He says I need to do that at least once a week until there is no more oil in there. More offten would be better if I can.

I just pray this fixes it and I do not have any other problem with the water leaking again. We think it was building up pressure and pushing it out the cap. I just have to keep a check on it to see. We filled it tonight I am going to see if there is anything under it before i move it tomorrow and after i parket at work a while.

{June 15, 2018}   Good Thing I Didn’t Go

To work deliverying pizza’s tonight. Since I didn’t I picked the kids up to go get their hair cut. From there we went to get gas. I went to the newer station I normally do not go to. I normally do not even go that way at all. I like the store just out of the way because I don’t go that way for anything and I don’t like the road it is on. To much traffic takes to long to get anywhere going that way. For whatever reason I went out of my way to go there.

I noticed my air felt warmer than it should. I check the heat gage it seem fine. I got gas started it it still seem warm. But the gage was reading fine. We left and headed home. I was maybe a couple miles up the road and looked down my heat gage was from cold/normal to all the way up and the oil light was on. I pulled over to turn around to go to the shop since I passed it about a mile back. The gage went down and the light went off I thought maybe it was a fluke. I couldn’t get across to turn around so I pulled out to keep going the way I was. A few block’s up it all happen again. I pulled in a parking lot. I shut it off started it in a few it all went back to normal. I seen it was after 430. I finally was able to get across the street where I was at and go back the other way. I got to the shop pulled down the side in front of the bays. I thought they had closed early some were closed but oldest seen a couple were still open. I pulled up got out walked in the bay the newest guy was sitting there. I ask him where boss was he said he went home. I ask him if he could look at my truck told him what it was doing.

He came out looked at it and it was out of water. That isn’t good because I had just put water in it yesterday. He seen me because I did it there before he plugged the two spots in my tire. I checked the oil why he was hosing it down so he could check the water and get the engine cooled too. It had to much oil. We were talking about how it was out of water when I just put water in yesterday. He said something is leaking here, over there and there. I said the radiator was leaking but it stopped.

He said why don’t you talk to boss I could go through this truck and have it in good shape for you in about a day. I said I just have no money to do anything to it. He said yeah but you help out up here and things right. I said yeah, he said I can’t see he wouldn’t or couldn’t help you out. I said O know but he has, he has a lot. He said oh but still. I said yeah I just don’t know what to do with it. It is a mess. I wish someone would help me out and go through it and fix it. But I don’t even have the money for parts right now.

Yesterday I asked the other guy if he put air in the tire it was almost flat and if I bought plugs today when I got paid if he would plug it. He said yeah. In a minute I look the other guy is at my truck he is plugging my tire. He got the patch kit from work and done it. I had a screw and nail in my one tire. He was telling me then he could put the oil cooler on and the starter in an hour or less how bad kt was and if it got worse the water could go in the oil and it would be ruined. I told him I knew. But I was at the hands of everyone else and when they could or would do it. He was saying then ask boss and he would do it. He seems nice and I think he knows his stuff and i think he do the job and not half ass it but like I told him I have no money and boss has helped me a lot. I have always paid for parts but not labor. But I still owe him $400. He knows what I have going on he hasn’t said anything about trying to help me so. I figure maybe the newer guy might say something to him, ask him if he can bring it in one day they are slow or what and go through it. If he offers and brings it up he will probably do it. But I am not asking him anymore right now. They have so much going on and things.

But it is a good thing I didn’t go to deliver pizza’s. Who knows what may have happened. If I had I would of been stuck on the side of the rode or blew my truck up maybe. I should of been on my way to work when it happened. I would not of been close to the shop help or anything.

{June 6, 2018}   Don’t Forget Your Water

{June 4, 2018}   No Idea Where To Turn

I have no idea what to do or where to turn at this point. I have been to and called all over to get help with my water bill. I have called amd held and held on the phone with them trying to beg them to break it up and let me make it in payments on my next few bills.

I worked this weekend but by the time I paid rent i have $100 left. I need gas to get to work the next two days and to work Thursday night. I want to see if I can give them $80 now and then break the rest up.

I have been just getting by paying what O have to in order to keep things on. Now they want the full amount by tomorrow in order to keep it on. I do not have the money to give them.

I went to places others tell me they have gotten help or know that they help and I have gotten nothing but told we can’t help you for one reason or another. One place said they could not even talk to me until next Thursday. The other says they are not opem they will call when they can they are changing things around. They will get to you as soom as they can it be a few days. The other days because I do not come there the days they give out food and haven’t been for 3 months they will not help me. What since that makes I still can not figure out. I am doing okay keeping up with things and one time I need help and they say no. But if I came there got whtever I could get every week or what they would help me.

I am know most the water company is probably going to say they can’t help they have done what they can. But then if they shut it off they will set up a payment plan to pay it but will not turn it on inless it is paid in full. What since that makes when people are asking and trying to work it out. They know you can’t stay in your house with no water so then what are you going to do.

It isn’t like I ask any of these places for help all the time like a lot of people I know of. They know just how to work it and how much each place will pay and how often. They will go to each one everytime they can and get help rather they need it or not.

I got help back in 2011 right after Father of the Year moved out then last year when he stop paying. Now its been over a year. I have made it work all this time rather I borrowed and paid it back or worked extra or what. But right now my back is against the wall I have no work to do or anyone to borrow from. They are all going through their own crap.

I went and put in applications today at other jobs but that isn’t helping right now or even in the long run I don’t think. Because I start somewhere new it will be weeks to get a check so weeks with no money again. Where as of I just get this bill paid and stay here I will be okay because I have picked up more hours and will have a decent set hours and days by end of Summer that will work around school and things.

I just have to figure out where this money woll come from. I am so sick right now I can’t eat or anything. Spent most the day sitting in my truck crying trying to figure it all out. Calling and going to places to see if they will help or applying for jobs. Now I have to go home deal with my mother i am not in the mood to spend the rest of the day/night hearing how horrible i am what a screw up I am and a terrible parent and all that. But I guess that is what I will spend my day doing. While stressing over this stupid bill.

et cetera
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