Inches not Pounds

I think I am losing inches but not pounds right now. As a matter of fact I know I have gained some weight back. I am over 130 and was under. I think I may have gained around 6 to 10 pounds back. not at all worried about it really. I really am okay with where I am as long as I don’t gain anymore. I wouldn’t like to be no more than 130 my goal was 120. So I could stand to lose a little to stay at the 130. But not a big deal to me right now.

My pants still fit I’m not having to go up a size. Really they are lose still and feeling bigger. This and just looking at myself the other day when I was getting dressed out of the shower I look like my waste is smaller maybe not my waste for say but my torso over all looks smaller. I thought how do I look so much smaller but gained weight but then I thought about muscle weighing more than fat and how you can lose inches but not pounds. I know how it all works but it has been a while but that is what has to come into play here. some how some way. or maybe I just seeing things through rose colored glasses. But I feel better and have noticed my pants feel bigger and I can slide my jeans off and on without unzipping or buttoning them pretty easily.

As long as I don’t gain I will be alright with whatever is happening.

I Have Become A………

Stress eater, since I am not home and stuck at work sitting at a desk all day and night I can’t sleep when I am depressed or stressed out. It hit me today I am now eating to replace the not being able to sleep.

That as you can see is the XL candy bar I sat here and ate yesterday while stressing about everything.

Today I had to go to the social security office before work, that didn’t go over well. Not the news I wanted to hear or went there to even get really. While waiting on them to sort things out and wait for someone to come over and help the guy that was helping me I ended up being late for work. Why not be later and stop and get food. I didn’t really want food I wanted coffee. But I didn’t even feel like getting out of the car to get coffee so I went though the drive through. I don’t like their coffee I was going to get tea. Then I seen the other places on the other side of the parking lot and figured what the hell may as well get a milkshake. Why your at it make it a large too.

That turned in to two roast-beef sliders and curly fries to go with it. All I have left is the shake and I feel sick because I wasn’t even hungry hardly ever eat this early and nothing like that. Now I just want to curl up and go to sleep and I have to make phone calls find the guys work and just be awake because I’m at work. I slept better last night than I had in a while but it was still hard to get up and I am still so tired.

7 Pound Gain

So I weighed myself the other day and I have gained 7 pounds. Thats horrible but really if I am honest not surprising. I have been eating a lot more lately. I always feel hungry, and that is new for me because hardly ever did I in the past.

I have been eating more junk between jobs because I’m not eating at home. I don’t eat in the mornings to often and at night it’s what I grab on the go between jobs. Most the time I grab something small or light. Lately it has been a lot of fast food. It stuck.

I felt like I probably had gained a few but then one of my new pair of pants didn’t fit. I figured maybe 5 or close. Was not expecting to see 7 almost 8.

I have to start watching what I eat start shopping for food and bringing it with me. Stop spending money out. I now have 17lbs to lose to get to my goal.

I think part of it is my depression trying to take my mind off things when I am bored can’t stop thinking all the time.

Weight Loss Update

Last 4th of July I went down to a size 8 in jeans. Over the last year I had made my way down to a 6. About 2 weeks a go one morning I got up and needed pants to wear. (Long day/nigh laundry didn’t get done) I grabbed a pair out of a bag bff gave me. They looked small, I looked at the size and they were. I decided to try them anyway because the ones I have been wearing are starting to fall off. I put them on and they fit perfectly. They are the best fitting pair of jeans that I have had in years.

Best of all, they are a size 4!!! I have not been in a size 4 since high school probably. I pulled some more out that were 4s and they all fit.

I have noticed the last few days that they are feeling lose even out of the drier but I haven’t tried a size smaller yet. I started to when I put the 4’s on but they fit so good and put me in such a good mood, I didn’t want to be disappointed. I truely don’t think I am down that much yet. I may try a pair this week just to see how much more I would need to lose before I go down another size. I have not weighed myself in a while, the last time I did I was under 130lbs less than 10lbs to my goal. I figure at this point I may go down one more size but that is it. Really I don’t want to go smaller than that. I am fine if I stay where I am as long as I don’t gain any and hit my goal weight.

Maybe I will weigh in and try a smaller size on this week.

8lbs More

With all the walking I have done the last two weeks I have lost 8lbs. Not a lot but pretty good still. I have less than 15 lbs. to my goal weight. I am excited.

In the last two weeks I had coffee three days I think it was. When Pops gave me rides or picked me up. He would say coffee? I say sure stop we will get coffee and I would get us one. It was the large but I didn’t finish them all. I had a big bottle of tea the first Monday after my 4.5 mile walk and then a couple of glasses this past Thursday. When me and Special K went to dinner.

I am up to about 48 oz of water a day if I don’t have coffee. Think that is pretty good since I never drank water before. Now to be drinking 24 to 48 oz a day.

Oldest said pretty soon I am going to be stealing her clothes.

I can’t wait to walk into court Wednesday and see Father of the Year. He has not seen me since I loss all the weight I have. After him talking about how nasty some one in the size I was in would be or was.

Looking Healthy and Drugs

Last night me and the girls took a cab to the store to make sure they had what they needed for the week. Then took one home.

On the way home my Good Friend messaged me and said something about being on the phone and fighting with someone on the phone. Always on it fighting with someone I think he said. I asked what he was talking about? I didn’t see him he said he just walked by me at the store I was on the phone looked mad. I said I was just in a mood and not fighting on the phone.

He replied your always in a bad mood or something like that. I said no not really, I been doing really good for a long time until the last week here. We started talking about the truck and everything why it isn’t done it is only a 30 min job and all that.

Then he says where did half of you go? I was confused at first because we were talking about the truck and everything. I ask what he was talking about because I also kind of took it a different way with what all we were talking about between moods and the truck.

He said you have lost a lot of weight.

I told him eating a lot less, cutting out all Cole’s long time ago, cut out tea.

Then he says you look Healthy, no drugs?

I put in capital letters really? No!!

He says I just had to ask you know enough people on them. I said as does most everyone around here we are in X county.

I can not believe that he asked me that or even felt he needed to ask. But then again I guess maybe because there are some I thought no never who can’t stop now. It is sad but seems to be the norm around here at some point or time in your life.

Then he said he is going to need new pictures. Like he has any now other than ones I have posted and put on line that everyone has seen.

I went to secret conversation since we were on messenger and I edited one picture I had good and sent it to him so it would delet in like 10 seconds. Why I was trying to send it he was all why secret and what so…I sent that. He said I need to see that again do you have more? He says I am guessing your more comfortable with your appearance? I just said yeah wasn’t getting all into it with him right then.

Then he said you never answered my question? I didn’t see one so I asked what? He said you never talk to me anymore why? I said well you don’t talk to me either and I figured you were pissed off at me. He said no not at all. We talked a little more he had to go. He wanted catch an hour nap before work.

I was glad he messaged and we talked I miss talking to him and glad he didn’t stop me at the store. I was fighting tears then and just wanted to get home. Had he come over talked to me and hugged me I would of lost it. I always do with him.

Talked to Mr. Responsible

The other night at work, I think Tuesday I went outside and was sitting and I messaged him. We started talking, I asked him what meds he was on when he came out of the hospital? He said he didn’t know a list. I told him what I was thinking that he was holding fluid, he said he gets rid of plenty of fluid. I said yeah but still might be. We talked back and forth he said I was on a blood pressure. I said that will make you get rid of fluids. I said I don’t know but it makes since because you started gaining about then and can’t lose and you don’t eat a lot and working all the time. I said I think you really need to get that checked out and look into it. He said yeah he probably should and thanks for looking out or bringing it up. I said you have them babies that need you, you need to take care of yourself. He said yeah I just need to find time to go to the doctor. I told him I knew how that was.

So I don’t know I hope he thinks about it and goes in to see what is up or what is going on. Because if that is what it is, it is pretty bad. I did what I could and brought it up to him. I tried last time to get him to go but he just said he was alright and it was this or that. But this time when I said that and we were talking he seem like he was thinking about it and go.

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