{September 17, 2015}   So Tired and Stressed

I have not walked out of the house in months to do anything that didn’t have to do with taking someone else somewhere or doing something for someone else. I was supposed to go last weekend then had my accident and things. I’m supposed to go this weekend coming up and now father of the year calls and tells me he is working. Not do I have plan, am I able to keep the kids nothing just to inform me he is working this weekend. My truck still hasn’t made it to the body shop to be pulled and make 100% sure there is nothing else we are missing wrong. Been waiting for a week for a fender to be taken off of it to get it over there. It is three blocks from my house, it should have been taken Monday dropped off and picked up Tuesday. Parts should be here or on there way. But no I have been waiting all this time for him to pull it off and take it around there. He knows I have no money to pay anyone else. If I don’t get it fixed then I am going to have to put my other truck back on the road and it is going to leave him with nothing. You would think he would get it taken care of. I am ready to sell the other one to pay someone to fix this one I’m so pissed. I would give it to someone right now if they could do everything that needs to be done to mine and get it back on the road for me how pissed I am. Yeah I understand he works but I also know that he is helping with nothing at all here for his kids and that he knows we need this to get around. I have my moms truck now and I can’t drive it but to the store and back. Its like everything he just get to it when he gets too it. It can’t keep sitting here at my house like it is either someone is going to stick their nose in shit and call code enforcement again if they haven’t already and when they do I am going to have to move. I can’t move right now nor do I want to I hope to stay here until I move the first of the year and then away from here to somewhere. He is just pissing me off so fucking much right now. Now I have no money to get a lawyer. I am filing the divorce myself and he better not fight it. If he even tries to I am going to tell him you know what I know a lot more than you think I do and X has told his therapist and she will come to court and tell all. Everyone wonders why I hate him more and more every day that goes by why I can’t stand him and could careless anything about him. Everyone says I can’t believe you say this or that or you do this or that or act this way or that way when it comes to him. It’s because I don’t care it don’t bother me to say or do anything because I just don’t care what he thinks, or how he feels or anything else. It sucks because I was at a point I didn’t have any feelings what so ever for him good bad or other wise and now I hate him can’t stand him and just want to knock the hell out of him. I don’t like feeling that way either. But it is what it is and I do and for good reason. If he be a man and help take care of his kids not lie all the time and be halfway normal productive person but he can’t and he never will. It’s probably a good thing he wasn’t standing in front of me a few minutes ago when he called because I probably would have let him have it. I said something about my truck and how long it has been and him working that i had plans and things. He says to me well you shouldn’t have wrecked it and I’m not the one who wrecked it. Like I have nothing better to do or to spend my money on than fixing my truck and risk injuring everyone as well. I just felt like wrecking it that day.

I have told him I need him to take the kids this weekend more than once and that I need a break and everything else. He knows it and then just calls and says I got to work. I do I am so tired and feed up with everything the kids don’t want to listen they are whiny cranky and I am beyond stressed right now. I talk to a friend had plans this weekend and everything. I told him he needs to tell them he don’t have a babysitter that the drop of a hate when they decide the day before he is supposed to be off they want him to work. He won’t he wont’ do anything.

et cetera
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