{February 20, 2020}   Robbed The Elementary School

A month or so ago I borrowed a little bit of money from the driver at my night job that I am friends with and talk to all the time. I told him I would have it back to him on the 12th of this month. Well he was out on the road that day. I told him I had it and he said he would be in the next day to give it to him then. I ended up not going to work the next day and he was still out as well. I messaged him and asked if he was going to be up in my area any that night or not and that was when he told me they had not made it back in. He said they would be in around 8:30 or 9 to the yard. I told him I wasn’t going to work but to let me know I could meet him. I just have to drive down there. He said they would be at the truck stop by me around 8 or so. I could meet him there. I told him that would be fine to give me a head up when he was headed that way not to wait until he was 5 minutes out and expect me to rush over there. He called said they were about 20 minutes out. I went over and met him. Jw was with me because I was at his house since I hadn’t went to work. So he met him when he came to the car to get the money.

Night before last I was at my night job and him and his partner came in to start their run for the week. He was having trouble with the computer in the truck and things it was telling him he didn’t have anymore drive time for another 10 hours or more. But he hadn’t been on the clock since Thursday. He was calling back and forth trying to get it fixed and things. He kept calling me I told him I can’t do anything they have to fix all that from their truck now I can’t adjust any logs like we use to. Before I could fix them and they couldn’t but they changed it a month or two ago and now they can but I can’t. He was asking me things and telling me stuff. He got pissed off because he wanted to know who used his truck and why they were using his number and what was going to be done about it and why wasn’t I looking it up and trying to get to the bottom of it.

I finally said look your right if they are using your information that is a problem because things like this happen and now you need to drive out and have no drive time. But there is nothing I can do about that right now. All we can do is fix the problem at hand that you have no drive time things need to be changed so that you have your drive time back. We will fix that right now because that is the biggest pressing issue right now. Then tomorrow or in a few days or when the other dispatcher gets back I will get with him and see if we can find out who was driving your truck with your information and why and take care of that and put a stop to it. But right now bitching about it and going back and forth is dong nothing but wasting your time and mine and getting nothing taken care of. All we can do is fix what we can take care of what we can get you on the road because you need to be gone or gone very soon.

Okay but this and that. I said no this or that, I truly can not do anything more than what I just told you and that is pretty much nothing but look up and see where you guys are all at at any given time. Because I have not been shown how to do all that you are asking me to do just as I told you a few minutes ago. So go fix what you need to fix and do what you need to do to get yourself on the road and I will get someone to look into this further. I have no other answer to give you no matter how many times you ask or how many ways you ask I still have the same answer. Well something about my answer. I said well if you don’t like my answer and don’t like getting the same one over and over again then stop calling and asking me the same thing or going in circles on the phone and asking the something. I have told you what I can do for you but I can’t do anything if you are going to refuse to get off the phone and do what you need to do to get out of this yard. He got mad and hung up. Fine just how they are some of them you can’t get off the phone until you piss them off and they hang up because they think you really can do what they are asking or just trying to make shit harder or what on them. Sometimes the other guys in there with me can do shit and just won’t . But they haven’t figured out yet that what ever I tell them I tell them because that is just how it is and I can’t tell them anything more or do anything more for them. They think I am just shitting them around or not wanting to do my job like the rest.

In a little bit here he come walking in the back door. He come in there where we were all at and was talking to everyone. He was like I’m sorry but this is bullshit and I don’t see why you can’t do this or that and they look it up and tell me where I been my whole trip every stop I make and everything else but you can’t tell me where my truck was for 30 minutes on such and such date and who was in it. By this time I had gotten with one of the others there and had them tell me how to go in and look things up and see part of what was going on, that was what we were doing when he waked in. I said come here and look at this, you see that, that is your truck, this is Friday and your truck never moved a inch in this yard all day that day. Your telling me it did all this and there is no log and even for Saturday there is logs of it moving but that is less than 0.1 miles that is around the yard moving it out of the way or they were using it to move trailers around. I said all this you are telling me is not on there. So that is another problem in of itself that I now have to figure out how to take care of. So we still can’t fix anything more than what you can do in the truck until I do. But I am trying to figure it out and I am doing what I said. I just figured out how to do this and had someone show me when you got off the phone finally. This going around on the phone gets you no where.

Then he was all I’m sorry I’m not mad at you I am mad at the company blah blah and everything. I told you that on the phone it isn’t you I’m just mad about everything. I said well you need to figure out who to bitch at because if I tell you something I am telling you for a reason and you know if I don’t know or can’t find the answer I will tell you that not just tell you what you want to hear or some bullshit that is going to be a problem down the road because it wasn’t right. I know i know he say.

Well the other guys that were in there with us walked out back for something and it was just me and him in there then. He asked how the boyfriend was or something. I said good I had just seen him before I got there or something. He said was that him with you the other night? I said yes. He said dang he is young isn’t he? I said no he is older than me. He said he sure don’t look like it, he looks like you went down to the elementary school and was like here little boy want a cookie. I said your an ass your not right. He said he does he looks really young. i said nope he is 2 years older than me he has grown kids.

He said something about not really knowing each other and things. I said we have known each other for at least 35 years or so. He said what? I said yes we grew up together. He said then why would you do this and risk messing up such a long friendship? Something about a booty call. I said no no it is nothing like that at all. I said I would not have done something like that just a booty call. I said we have been talking for a bit before we even decided to try anything more and talked about it a lot before because we have been friends for so long. He said why him out of everyone you talk to or have talked to then?

I said I don’t know, I said you know they say it is the ones that you least expect or never would of thought of. I said it is like that. I said because we did grow up together staying at each others houses when we were little, ball games, birthday parties and outing. He was just always there and then he moved away in our teens to live with his dad. When he came back he had kids and things and we all hung out together now and then with friends but the same it was just like old times the last several years. The thought still never crossed my mind. I was with someone he was with someone we were just there. I said but then we started talking this last time because we hadn’t talked in a year or so, (one of those don’t talk all the time but pick up like nothing when we do kind of friends) hanging out as friends catching up and things just kind of happen and went that way. I hope that it last because I don’t want to mess up a friendship but I also do have feelings for him and I am happy with the way things are with/or between us.

He said that was cool he was happy for me, he knows how hard I work and do all I can for the kids. He is happy I found someone that makes me happy and that he hopes it works out. That he was sorry again for getting so bitchy on the phone it wasn’t me he was mad at and things. And that it still looks like I robbed the cradle.

I told Jw when I got to his house that night what he said about robbing the cradle he thought that was funny. Last night he shaved and was saying he missed a spot of didn’t like something he was going to have to do it again or touch it up. He said he could just shave it all off and something about how he would look or how he looks so much younger when he does. I said oh nice really make me look like I went to the school to find a man. He just laughed. I said and in turn what you all are saying is I look old. He was like no, no, I didn’t say that, that isn’t what I meant or how I meant it. You don’t look old. I laughed so hard at him. I said yeah I know I was just giving you a hard time. He was like that isn’t funny I wouldn’t call you old or say you look old. I said oh so you just think it then? He like I’m going to shut up because you are just twisting what I am saying all around. That is not what I am saying at all. I tell him he is just to easy to mess with. I said you know because kids are just so easy to get over on and mess with.

{September 20, 2018}   Ramblings

Here we are another day unable to do anything I need to do, from look for a job to paying bills to trying to get my house straight and halfway how back to living not existing. I am right now sitting in the truck sweating to death waiting on her to get out of the lawyers office. Because now after her hearing she has decided to hold the case up even longer because she don’t think she is going to win. I don’t care what she does I just want her out of my house where ever how ever she has to do it and go. I don’t care. Again the last two days I have heard nothing but how I need to do this I need do that and all up in my business that has nothing to do with her. Then talking about figuring money and bills and different things and sit there tell me I know you don’t know how to figure it smart enough to do all that and how it all works. But I have studied this that and the other and on and on. I know what she is talking about there is nothing to know it is basic math add, subtract. Tell me how I can’t just live off someone else all the time she never did that. First off I am not living off no one or anywhere. Im not stupid I know how to do my bills. Then tell me you get this, this and this there is no reason you can’t make it without this or that and shouldn’t need this. I have 800 a month coming in I can pay allmost half that to rent another half just about to bills and then still have money to buy food, gas and pay bills up so that they are not behind. How does she thing this is really going to work?

I need to make at least $3500 to $4000 for a few months just to get caught up and fix what is left on my truck that needs done, get things straight at home and the house back together. We really need everything from towels and sheets to furniture and dishes. Once I get things cought up, fixed, straight with the house oh and the kids money back to them then I need to really make $2500 to $3000 a month to keep everything caught up and maintained and get no help from no where. No help from ssi for my son no help from the state for anything and the child support could be spent on just things for the kids. I could have a little bit in savings. Not a huge amount but even $1000 to fall back on once in a while if needed. But there is nothing around here going to pay that or even close to that without working 2 or 3 jobs. Even if I had three degrees and all the training in the world there are just not jobs paying that here. Or work here. I know people that were working at good jobs making good money who are working next to me doing these piddly jobs because they can’t find anything. Or they have decent jobs and should be making the money but they money isn’t there they are working this as their second job. No jobs pay here no jobs give hours here. Other than the labor jobs and things these guys go out and get and here they won’t hire women at a lot of these places. I feel my age plays into it a lot too. When I was younger any job I interviewed for I got. Now I can’t beg and get one. I am meeting more and more people my age and a little older saying the same thing. Because they hire someone younger they can pay less. Or like a few younger who “have the look” because “the look” sells and gets people in. So if your not 20 and a size 2 with your ass and tits half covered and 10 lbs of make up caked on you aren’t of value to them. It pisses me off. I was told by my manager now that the other girl is young has the looks she would keep her job if it came down to one of us losing our job. I apply for other places it is send a resume send a picture. Or go in they are looking at you go have a conversation come out say its been filled we have take the add down. I go in dressed nice hair done slacks heels nice blouse. Everywhere else I go around town before and after i get looks and talk to and comments. But because I’m not billboard knockout 20 something I don’t have a chance in hell.

{August 4, 2018}   The Yard Guy

So last night when he messaged me he said I needed to get out. I said I knew. It was late he was already off line. A few hours later he ask if I would let him take me. I never replied until later this morning after I got to work and finished up some things. I just sent a little face kind of thinking. He asked what? I said nothing just thinking.

He said: Look I’m not trying to be wierd or anything I just want to see you have a smile on your face hun.

At this point I am thinking he is like probably 26 give or take a year. I was thinking he was probably around 20/21 years back when he was around and cut the yard. I was going to bring it up and let him know just as friends nothing else.

So I said alright. He was like what? I said I’ll go. He ask when? I told him I worked Sat,Sun,Tues and Wednesday nights for him to tell me.

What do you do ? And I mean who’s all going ? Is it me and you or no?

I sent him a picture of our logo with the name and things on it. He ask what that was. I told him he didn’t know what it was. I told him we lock you in a room and you have one hour to figure out puzzles and get the code to get out the door.

He said that sounds like fun my job. I said it can be interesting at times. That I liked handcuffing some and locking them in. Is it supposed to be like a kinky job? He said. I laughed my boss looked at me like i was crazy. I told him he was laughing.

Then he is asking me can I tell you something without you getting mad or exposing me on facebook?

I said yeah what’s that?

He said I like you.

I just said yeah. Thinking nope this is not going to happen. He is to young.

He said yeah like I want to take you on a date. I like you and want to hang out with you.

Ok .. so can I tell you a secret then. He says

I wanted to kiss you.. you’re so beautiful to me!

By this point I am laughing, I looked like hell when he was here. I wanted to ask him if he wanted to borrow my glasses get another look. All the while I am still trying to figure out how old he really is. I am thinking he looks young but he talking to me maybe he is older than he looks but im still thinking can’t be he looks to young.

Then I get…Would you let me ? If I come over there . Would u give me one as a birthday present? That would be the best present ever.

BAM!! Now I can bring up age see how old he is. I’m like oh it’s your birthday? So how old are you?

I get 20

I sent back…..20!!!???

He laughed said is that bad?

I asked him how old he thought I was?

He says……In the 40’s but is that a problem? Is my age a problem?

Now I’m like 40s REALY???!!!

I said I am 37.

See younger than I thiug I was think 42 -45 so that’s good .. would you let me ?

I did not say it to him but I am thinking WTF 42-45? I knew I looked like hell but I did not think I looked that bad.

I said can I ask you a question? He never answered until later in the evening. I figured he was working. He asked what.

Why are you interested in me? At your age? A single mom with 4 kids almost twice your age?

Well your just very nice . And that your very pretty. He started about how he just wanted to kiss me out there the other day. How he still does and everything. I’m like dying over here.

We joked and talked a little more he was asking to come see me today before or after work. About wanting to kiss again. I said i don’t know wht your so stuck on that and me I am nothing special.

He said because it make him happy.

I said why you could go find anyone?

He said why not? I just said I don’t get it. He I think got mad he said I’m going to bed. I said okay goodnight.

He kept talking and talking to me when he was here and getting close to me. I don’t know I really don’t get it.

I told my friend I either get these that are way to young (they keep getting younger) or the ones my age or older want a baby to start over or i scare them. Its like what the hell. Can I catch a break find a decent one close to my age that isn’t just looking for sex, i don’t scare and who don’t want a baby or to get married? For real isn’t there anyone out there?

I was at my friends hair place when he come out with being 20. She like he is just a baby!! I said I know he way to young. I said he can’t even drink this is never going to work. Joking but he really can’t. Someone said you have a driver. Nope not happening. He is only 5.5 years older than my oldest. If she was 18 and legal they could date. They could date in 3.5 years if they wanted to. That I would be okay with he seems like a decent kid he working hard doing his own thing. Has been working for years. But he is to young for me.

He see’s nothing wrong with our ages. I know some really feel age don’t matter if both are legal and want it. But really don’t it at some point still just seem wrong or become a problem? Or is it just me and my thinking? I mean I could really be his mother. I could have kids his age. Someone said you are talking to guys that are 8 or 9 years older. I am but they are not old enough to be my dad. I wouldn’t date a guy that much younger than me even though i would date one that much older.

I’m not trying to be no cougar lol

I guess to I just thought of writing that. He isn’t looking for a relationship either probably being so young. He just looking for a good time or whatever. I am looking for the relationship. Im past the good time or if it works ok if not oh well. I don’t know.

He says same as the rest your so nice, your so easy to talk to, i like being around you, talking to you. But then its you make me nervous, you scare me.

I told my friend the older ones know I am all that they say it. But they know I also don’t have to put up with their crap and i am not scared to say something or drop them in a second. The younger ones are to young and don’t get it all understand it all. They to stupid to it all to be scared. 😂. I can’t find one that is in the middle that i am on the same page with.

Now I see why this one kept saying you need to go out relaxe you need a break. You need to go out to eat. He kept making it a point to say somewhere to eat. Because he can’t drink. Wow. I knew he was way to young give benefit to doubt i shouldn’t have.

{August 27, 2016}   Best Friend

My Big Boy came home the first or second day of school and told me he made a best friend, he likes Phineas and Ferb, he likes star wars and start-trek along with robots and the many other things my son likes. They get to sit at the same table and they talk during lunch and other times when they aren’t doing their work.

Their school goes from 1st grade – 12th grade and there are only 12 kids in the school ages like 7-21. I asked how old his new best friend was if he was his age? He said no he thought he was younger probably 7 or 8. My Big Girl who is 12 even said he was younger than my son who is 10 almost 11 and that the little boy was probably about 8 or 9. One day this week or last I had to go into class before school started and he introduced me to his new best friend. I said hi and they went on. Looking at him I figured he was probably about 9 about to be 10. Between the 3 of us we have this kid being between the ages of 7 and 10.

Today my son comes home and he said mom you know my best friend at school? I said yeah what about him? He said he is 14!! I said what? So and so that I talk to the other day that you met like the first day of school? They both said yes and started laughing. I said you all thought he was like 8 or 9. He said today he was talking about his work and earning credit for it. My oldest ask him what kind of credit was he earning for it and he told her high school credit. Her being Miss. Smarty Pants I am sure was floored that this 8 year old kid was doing high school work if she wasn’t. So she asked him how old he was and he told them then that he was 14. I never would have guessed 14 looking at him and to hear the kids talk about the things they all talk about.

It was just so funny to see the shocked look on my sons face. I think he was probably more shocked that older kid talked to him and they had so much in comment and became such good friends so fast. He has a hard time fitting in a lot of times because of his likes and things. And the fact of how young he looks and how young they thought he was. I said so are you all still friends? He said well yeah why wouldn’t we be? I said no reason you just looked so worried or surprised like there was something wrong wit h how old he was. He said no it was just funny we thought he was younger.

Yesterday at the dentist when they called me over to where my little guy was in the room next to us the first thing they said was how great he did. Then they started saying how well behaved he was, how polite and what manners he had. They were just so impressed with his manner and politeness and at such a young age.

The lady who cleaned his teeth walked him out to the waiting room to wait with the girls and I went back in with my Big Boy. When she came back she came in and said he is so cute and sweet, he even invited me to his birthday in a few months.

He is such a little gentlemen everyday when I take him to school he opens the door and holds it for me to go in. Then they have a locked door between the lobby and classes, you sign them in on a little computer thing and it takes your index print so just anyone can’t go back and wonder around and so that if you send someone they can’t just go wondering around you have to cal ahead of time. When he hears it buzz he grabs it and opens it and waits for me to get done and go in before he goes in. If he is in the yard when I pull up at home he runs and opens my door for me. He just likes to be helpful.

{February 4, 2015}   A Grandma I Never Knew

With my dad being sick and having to fill out paper work for the doctors, hospice and answer questions has left me thinking about my grandma lately. She died before I was ever born not sure how long before and my dad was in his early 20’s maybe not even 20 yet. My aunts and uncles were all pretty young. I knew she wasn’t that old either but wasn’t really sure how old she was.

No one really knows what she died from. They say she had some kind of disease that effected her brain. From what I have heard she got to where she couldn’t take care of herself or control bodily functions and things. I really wish I knew what was wrong and what she passed from because of the things my son has wrong and because of the things my cousins son has going on.

I know my dad helped her and took care of her a lot before she went to live with family out of state.

When she passed it hit my dad really, really hard. He didn’t go to her funereal or anything.

When my dad was answering the questions for the hospices people they wanted to know about his parents. If they were alive how they passed and things. I don’t know why but my dad said she had cancer. I don’t know why he thinks that at all. I had never until that day heard him say anything about her having cancer, or anyone else ever saying that. They always say they don’t know what she had that she choked to death eating.

My dad named me when I was born and named me after his mom. I think that is part of why we are so close too. I see him just looking at me sometimes the last few weeks since he has been sick and has gotten to where he can’t talk. I wonder what he is thinking about or if he is thinking about his mom and how he took care of her.

I said something to my mom the other night about him saying she had cancer. She said not that she had ever heard or been told. But she did have tumors and maybe that is why he thought she had cancer. But I wonder that long ago if they were able to tell if it was cancer and really do anything for it. How good medical test and things were then. She started talking about her and things and she said she was only 37 year old when she passed a way. I was kind of surprised and shocked. I don’t know why I knew she was young and pretty much knew she was only in her 30’s but wasn’t sure on the exact age.

That night on the way home I couldn’t help but think about it. My grandma was only 3 years older than me when she passed and she had been sick for a little while before she passed. I am guessing she was sick for at least a year or more before she passed. Just from everything that I have heard and putting two and two together. It has always been a hush hush not talked about thing. So just little stuff that came out over the years.

I never brought it up with my dad or talk to him about her. I knew how hard it was for him and how hard it still was for him. I was around my grandpa a lot when I was little but not as much after about 5 or so when he moved a way. It was always a touchy subject with him too. My aunts and uncles were so young that I don’t think they really knew much of anything.

But the fact she was so young I still can’t get past. Maybe I never asked how old she was exact when it was brought up because I didn’t want to know. I sit and look at the kids and everything that is going on in life good and bad. I think wow I could not be here in a year or two. Not that couldn’t be with any of us. But you know……. not knowing what she had or what caused it and being told it is hereditary and can skip a generation and things.


et cetera
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