{March 4, 2020}   Your Monthly Friend and Sex

Today let’s get up close and personal and talk about our monthly friend and sex. Because today I am not sure how to describe how I am feeling and not sure why I feel the way I do. Lets go back to Monday, I had court, I dressed nice for court, cotton pants nice shirt, you know the deal. Well wouldn’t you know my monthly friend was set to come Monday as well and she decided to come right on time. The last few months she has been either a few days early or a few days late but not on time. Either would of been fine this month, as early would mean I was through the worst part by court or late would of course mean I hadn’t started yet. But no she came knocking bright and early. Okay fine slap in the diaper and go. Not really but I use sanitary napkins because I have issues when I use tampons. Well with the pants I was wearing and the shirt it was awkward and I felt you could tell I was wearing one. I moved it foward a little bit more than normal but not enough it would make a difference since I was just going through my day. I have done it before no big deal.

Well after court and work that evening I went to JW’s house for a while like I always do. Went and laid on the bed for a while and was talking and watching tv. I was laying on my back most the time, I got home and went to the bathroom and notice I had a spot on my pants. Not huge but big enough. Because of the way I had done things. We were messaging and I just told him hey you may want to check your sheets, don’t think it it is bad but letting you know basically. He said oh little spot no big deal. It happens and that was that.

Catch up to yesterday, when it is that time of the month for me the first day is horrible. Heavy and I just feel blah and want to sleep. The 2nd day things slow way down and I am in the mood for sex all the time. That last days sometimes. Or it goes away and comes back about the time I am to ovulate. All normal how it all works. We were talking through out the day and somethings I say he don’t get I just have to spell it out or be blunt with him. I told him I was freak-en horny. We made some comments/jokes or what back and forth through the day. Last night I get there and we are laying on the bed I hate his couch and the whole time we are sitting in there the dog will not leave us alone. A lot of nights we go lay across the bed and talk watch tv or whatever.

After a while one thing led to another and we were making out a few times and he would stop. I thought at first because he knew it was that time of the month. Then before I knew it he was going further and doing more. That was fine with me, I asked him for a towel or to hand me the towel that he had there folded up with somethings by the bed. He looked funny grabbed it and gave it to me.

We went on, about the time we get started he says what’s the towel for or why the towel? I said it’s fine not a big deal or something like that. He said but why or something he kind of stopped was laying on me looking at me. I just looked at him like hello, he said something I said you know it’s that time of the moth. Oh my goodness the look I got, he looked like a little kid who’s balloon you just walked up and popped. He just stopped laid there looking. I said you knew, He said no he didn’t. I said I told you last night the sheets. He looked like oh no, he said I’m so sorry, I wasn’t even thinking about that I knew but wasn’t putting two and two together and thinking about it when you asked for the towel. I knew but I didn’t, wasn’t something I was thinking about. We talked I just kind of forgot it after that. He got up moved. We laid there a few and talked a little. It bothered him, I mean really straight up freaked him out.

I got up and got dressed and went home. He kept telling me how sorry he was and everything. I told him it was fine. Like I told him I don’t want him to do something he isn’t comfortable doing. He has stopped for me a few times it is what it is. It was just hard for me because I was wanting it so bad and then to be that close, started and just stop. But I wasn’t mad or upset with him.

I don’t kow how to explain the feeling that came over me when I said it was that time and he looked at me like he did. I felt like I did some horrible thing to him or something. I don’t know. Really unexplainable. His reaction really upset me and bothers me. Probably as much as me telling him why the towel bothered him.

I just wanted out of there and away from him. We didn’t have time really to talk about it get into it and he didn’t seem he wanted to. He kept saying he was sorry, not to be upset with him and things. He said he never done that. I told him I wasn’t mad or upset, it is what it is. He say’s he wants to sit down and talk. I told him I wanted to talk but just never seem like a good time and he didn’t seem he wanted to. He said we would.

I felt so bad, I wanted to cry almost. I felt I done something wrong, I felt rejected, I felt there was something horribly wrong with me. I felt like he was discussed with me. I felt like i put our relationship in jeopardy. I felt like he was looking at me like I lied or did something to him. It was just all these feelings at once.on top of the frustration of wanting sex and it just stopping like it did. I didn’t lie, I told him I had started Monday because I just didn’t feel good wasn’t in a good mood. I told him about the sheet and that I had cramps and bloated yesterday when we were talking. He asked how I was feeling. I can see how he said he wasn’t really thinking about the two and things. I probably wouldn’t of at first either. But now i don’t know where we go from here. It seems awkward being around him. I feel like I did something wrong or something is wrong with me still. I still feel bad how things happened. I feel this whole thing changed our relationship in a big way and it is this big elephant in the room now. How will things be once we get past it or talk through things?

It also really bothers me that it bothers him so much that he stopped. Not that he did last night but the thought that it is not something he is comfrable doing. Because it is something that like I said am very into and want then. It is not like its the first day and I’m bleeding heavy. Sometimes as much as I want it I will wait until the 3rd or 4th day because it is more than normal. Or I will think I’m done be fine for a day then the next it is back. There are times I will spot for a few days, how is he going to feel about that? If I’m just spotting i haven’t even said anything. Didn’t think it was a big deal but I don’t know now.

He had taken a shower before I got there when I left he took another one. I knew most he did. He had messaged me I was driving I messaged back it took awhile for him to answer. I ask him if he got something to eat and a shower? He said a shower yes. I said you were talking about eating earlier. Get something go get some sleep. He said he might he was laying there.

I don’t know because no one else at all that I have been with has had a problem with sex that time of the month. I knew some women won’t, like bff wants nothing to do with sex when it is that time. I knew some guys were freaked out by it but never dealt with it and i guess didn’t think I would be dealing with it in this way if it ever did come up.

What are your feelings on the subject? Okay with it? Freaked out by the idea? How does your partner feel about it?

I told him I wanted to go to the beach tonight. Maybe we can sit and talk.

Im comfortable with what they ste comfortable with. I’ve had it go either way.

Sorry he wasn’t comfortable with it. I guess some guys aren’t. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sure you guys can work things out.

We are okay, he says everything is fine. But we have’t really had time together since that night. I have had a lot happen since wednesday I am just gettig back to normal days, nights and I am not even sure if this will be a normal day yet. So far so good. I am sure we will be fine just part of a new relationship, I guess. I just felt really bad in so many ways.

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