Update 6 October/November 2021

Nothing really happened in September that I can think of. So it must not of been to important if it did.

October we had our 2nd ultrasound and found out we are having a boy. I had a feeling because he has girl, boy, girl and I had girl, boy, boy, girl. I told him we were both due for another boy. Sure enough we found out we were having a boy.

I failed the one hour glucose test. I already knew I was going to because almost from the time I found out I was pregnant if I ate anything remotely sweet I would get so extremally sick. They would get donuts every so often at work and as soon as I ate one I would be puking and sick. I stopped eating them. My coffee in the morning started making me sick. It was bad and I was never that way with any of my other kids. I also all but was sick when I drank the stuff for my first test. I kept it down why I was there, but on the way home I felt like I was going to puke and pass out and just so bad. I almost didn’t make it to his house and never made it to work after I got so sick.

Aside from not being able to eat anything sweet this pregnancy was different than my others. With my others I would crave different things and there would be one thing I couldn’t eat at all. Even if I ate it all the time before I got pregnant. This time I got to where the only things I wanted to eat was, egg salad/deviled eggs, chili and chicken. It got to where I couldn’t stand the thought or taste of any of it but it was all I could eat that didn’t make me feel sick in some way. One morning we went out to eat and I had chicken strips, deviled eggs and a cup of chili. That was breakfast. He went with me for my 3 hour test and I am glad he did because I got sick after it as well. But he took me to get lunch and I was okay after that.

I had only told one person at work and that was the girl working in the shop out back. She didn’t tell anyone at all. I knew she wouldn’t and I wanted someone at work to know in case something happened and I needed something and in case something happened and I wasn’t able to tell anyone anything. She could.

So I finally decided I needed to tell them at work once I had been moved over to my new position in dispatch. I went into the owners office again and asked him if he had a few minutes to talk. He looked very worried but said yes. I sat down and told him that I needed to let him know that I was going to be taking some time off around February/ March. He looked confused and said okay. I forget what else I said and I said I am pregnant. He said what? I said it again and he was like oh really congratulations and said I thought you were going to quite. His wife came in to give him his lunch and went to leave. He told her to come back and close the door that I had some news. She looked at me confused as well and I told her and she was surprised. She told me about her sister who had her kids later in life as well. She went out and me and the owner talked some more. I asked him if I could save my week’s vacation I had and use it when I took leave? He said yes of course that would be fine. I asked about the two weeks I would be getting in the middle of March, if I would still get them since I would be off before I technically got them? He said that wasn’t a problem either. So I would get three weeks paid. He asked how long I paned to take off, I told him I had 12 weeks between vacation time and FML. He said that was good. He also said that maybe we could work it where I could work from home if I was feeling up to it or when I was ready to come back.

After I was done talking to them I went back out to my desk and sat down. I sit between the two ladies I work with. One I can touch her desk we are so close. The other sits across the room from me about a door’s width apart. I called her over there to mine and the other ladies desk. I said ok I told the owner and his wife I am going to tell you all because I am sure it will be out in no time anyway. They looked at me funny. I said I was pregnant. They were all excited. We were talking about age and things. The older lady probably in her late 50’s early 60’s said your only about what early 30’s? I laughed I said I wish, I am going to be 41 in December. She about choked and said what really? I thought you were a lot younger than that. Everyone there thinks I am way younger than I really am there.

They were all asking how far a long I was and when I was due and everything. I told them I was over 20 weeks. I think I was really 25 to 30 weeks when I finally told them. They were really surprised I was so far along. They thought I was in the beginning had just found out not long ago. I said no they were like how are you not showing? You are wearing all your same clothes. I was but I had lost a lot of weight and still had all my bigger clothes and still wore some of them but not a lot. The stuff I did buy new was just a size bigger than I was wearing so not maternity clothes. They all wanted to know what the kids thought about it and everything. I had to tell them they didn’t know because I hadn’t told them yet. They couldn’t believe they hadn’t noticed or figured it out. But they hadn’t because they are use to seeing me go up and down in weight and I was still wearing clothes they were use to seeing me in and I would have a jacket or sweater or something on when I went in at night. Because of Covid, I was still pretty much going home going in and going to my room. Not being around everyone in case I caught it. If I had to come out of my room for something I always just had my big sleep shirt or gown on. That was mid October I told everyone at work. Of course they all wanted to know when I was going to take leave and everything. I told them I didn’t know I plan to work up until I went to the hospital to have him unless something happen.

We still hadn’t found a house yet. We found one the guy was going to let us have but I wasn’t going to agree to all his over the top request and requirements. He wanted $1600 then had it up to $1800 I forget why. But I was willing to pay it to get us out of the mess we were in. Time was running out for us as far as the baby and I had decided my kids would be out of where we were before Christmas. So we went to meet him and look at the place. It was small but we could force it to work and it would be better than the spot we were in it seemed. That was until he started talking about how he wanted to come see where we lived now, he wanted to charge us even more because we had never lived together before (none of his business) he wanted extra deposits and talking about how he would be stopping by basically anytime he wanted to and expected to be let in to see the place. But he wouldn’t come at night. I did not tell him I was pregnant and he did not ask and you couldn’t tell with what I was wearing. But things he said made me think that it would be a problem once the baby came as well. I finally just told JW I was not doing this and giving him all the money he was asking for and risk losing it because of whatever excuse he made to keep it and put us out. We just left that one alone.

My mother was still being her unbearable self and making everyone Misérables. Always freaking out about what was she going to do and how she had no where to go or anyone to help her. All while she was doing nothing to help herself. I told her the same way I got to work and home and everywhere else I got with no vehicles why she had two sitting there rotting that no one could borrow. That again I was not the only child she had she needed to figure it out like I had all this time on my own. She was one grown adult to worry about I had 4 kids to worry about. I just mostly avoided her as much as I could because it was getting to the point it was about to turn into a fight at any given moment and I knew it. I know how she is.

I still was not excited about the baby or being pregnant. Everyone keep say or the baby and do you know what it is and isn’t it exciting and everything when we would see them. I was like nope it’s a baby. His bestfriend and girlfriend were like oh it’s so exciting and everything and how can you not be. My bestfriend was the same way and how great and lucky I was because she lost hers. I wasn’t excited at all. Not because of the situation or needing to move or anything like that. I just was not excited at all. I did not want another child, I could not handle another child and I knew that and did everything I could to prevent it. I had done the same thing for many years and now this. For me there was nothing to be excited about. I felt horrible for my friend because of what happen but it didn’t make things any better for me.