{August 2, 2018}   At a Standstill

I feel like my whole life is at a standstill right now. I have no idea what to do or where to go to make anthing happen or what I should do first. I feel like I am just keeping myself from sinking and I am slowly losing that. I want to move, i want to date find someone to be with, i want to find a better job, i want my mother out of my house. I need to redue my house get new stuff for it. I have no idea where to start. I have no money for anything. I just want to run away from it all. I am so over dealing with it all. I just don’t want to anymore. I just want to go to sleep not wake up or go to sleep and things be better. I know none of that is going to happen. I just wake up and hate life and dread getting out of bed and then get back in it as soon as I get home. My biggest problem for me right now is my house. It should be the one place i can go get away and relax and it isn’t anymore. It is causing me as much stress as everything else. A huge reason is my mother being here and the other needing new beds and things. So we can live normal again. I can’t get her out and have no money to buy the things we need. I have let it get out of hand because of the stress of dealing with her. Hopes she would leave as well and because im tired or caring and doing and trying. If i was to get with my friend or Sleeping Beauty i wouldn’t want them to come over or move in until i could get everything in order here. I feel like i can’t do anything until i get her out.

I feel if I am going to start over here why waste my time, why not just go somewhere else. But then how? Where? I even thought if i got with one of them just moving if or once we decided to move in together. But that be crazy for us to do here because we will not find anything cheaper than where I am. Unless we move away.

I did not get money i expected to get the first so now i am further in the hole spending money i don’t have. Who knows how long it will take to get this fixed.

I am still laying in bed its after 12. I should be up taking care of stuff but my 5 yr old is snuggled beside me still as well. Makes it to easy to stay. I don’t work today so why not. I need a shower to fix my hair enroll kids in school fix the money thing and take care of the things i can and that have to be. But i still lay here.

sometimes relaxing is all we can do. I hope things get easier. I know this was an old post. I had it in my inbox so thought i’d reply to it. xx

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