Single___Parent___Life











{August 9, 2019}   But No One Was Getting HIT

I hear this when people are talking relationships and why they break up or broke up. It makes me want to scream and turns my stomach.

I am watching the Girlfrinds Guide to Divorce on Netflex

The lady is talking to her brother about getting a divorce. He is against it and thinks it is a bad idea. Which is funny because he is gay. You would think he would be one of the last ones to have a problem with it. He says he don’t understand it no one was getting hit, no one was cheating, blah blah. She says to him sorry I wasn’t getting hit. He of course says oh that wasn’t what he meant and things.

I hear this and I just want to scream. Not everyone knows if someone was or wasn’t getting hit, no one ever knew i was getting hit when I was with Father of the year. Most still don’t. Most have no idea  the ex stint of the abuse that went on. Because again no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Why do people feel the need to justify your decisions or change your mind? How do they think telling you that you weren’t getting hit makes everything else fine?

There is a lot more reasons to end a relationship other than getting hit. I relationship needs more to survive and be healthy other than two people knowing how to keep their hands to their selves. I mean don’t we all pretty much know this and do it on a daily bases when dealing with people in our daily life? Isn’t that one of the first things we learn as kids is not to hit? Isn’t it like one of the fist rules when you start school and in every class? Keep hands and feet to yourself? We don’t say at least he wasn’t kicking you around.

I just don’t understand this, like the only people others decide to hit are their spouse or partner? Where did this idea that the only time we should get out of a relationship is if we are being hit? Why does this only apply to married couples and partners if this is the case? If we decide not to be friends with someone because we don’t like something they do, something they said, the way they treat us or just because we decided we didn’t want to, why don’t people say oh no you should still be friends because hey, they don’t hit you? Why is it okay to end any other relationship for any reason but to end a marriage or partnership we have to be getting knocked around?  We have to have black and blue marks or black eyes? Maybe we are getting out before it comes to that? maybe it has come to that and it’s been hidden? Because the person was embarrassed or just felt that it wasn’t everyone in the worlds business to know.

If someone says they are getting out of a relationship or getting a divorce they are not asking you to be okay with it, they are not asking you if it is okay, they are not asking if you agree with it or if it is what you would do. They are telling you to let you know, they are telling you to have the support, they are telling you because they feel they can confide in you and not be judged. If you are a true friend then don’t judge, don’t try to justify it, don’t try to fix it or make their decision okay. Just be there for them, listen to them, support them. If you can’t tell them that so that they can find someone who can.

Don’t try to talk someone into staying or tell them to work it out or it will get better. Because you most likely don’t know everything and what you are trying to talk them into holding onto and work out. Bff use to tell me the same thing when we first met and I told her we were in the process of separating and getting a divorce. She thought it was horrible and I needed to work it out and just hang in there it would get better. After she was around for a while and seen she even says she was wrong and feels bad for saying it and understands. Now that she is going through it she is really starting to see a lot and understand a lot more. You may feel your the bff and been around and know everything and they tell you everything but you don’t know at all. My own family didn’t know and we lived with them and next to them and everything for years. We seen them all the time. His family didn’t know, no one knew. Because we were the “perfect” family in public and around people.

He of course isn’t going to flip out and do shit in front of others when he puts on this show of being the perfect husband and father and doing no wrong. Some people are private people or don’t trust everyone. Others need to decide and figure things out on their own before everyone gets in involved. That is the route I decided to take. Nothing wrong  with either way. It is not for us to judge or decide the way others should handle things. it is just up to us to be there when they do come to us and tell us what they feel they can or should share with us.

 



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