Reflections on 2020

On t.v. this morning they were talking about what a horrible year it has been and how they can’t wait for New Years. It is all over online as well. How they all hope 2021 is a better year. After I dropped JW off at work for some reason it popped into my head. It got me to stop and really think about this year and how it has affected me.

I have to truly say that this year over all has been one of the best so far, for me and the kids. I have dealt with some shit for sure. But over all the accomplishments out weigh the rest.

I was able to finally get the vehicle I have wanted for so long the star of the year. I didn’t have to rush out and buy something because I was in a jam. I was able to take a little bit of time to really look around for what I wanted in good shape at a price I could afford. That is what I did, I found a truck in great shape, well taken care of and at a price I could not pass up. Even after the 10,000 miles I put on it and it being a year older I can still turn around and double my money if I wanted to.

As you all know I lost my full time day job in March. But I moved right into full time the next day at my part time job. Doing that has let me gain experience in accounting and billing in addition to dispatching where I started out. So when I go somewhere else I have that experience to offer.

By deciding to not get a 2nd job right away it has given me a break this year. It was much needed after working 65 hours a week 5 or 6 days a week for over a year. I now work a pretty normal 9 to 5 type hours. All though I took a pay cut losing one job and going full time at the other I have maintained the house and all my bills this past year on my owen. All while keeping a nice little chunk of money in the bank up until now. While in the past I normally get into a jam and need to borrow money once or twice a year. I haven’t borrowed any this year. It may not seem like a lot to most it is a great feeling to me.

With schools all being such a mess with this covid it made me go ahead and pull my little ones out and bring them home. They had been asking but working so much I was worried about it. I was worried they wouldn’t do it and it would be a fight. But they are doing it and like it. I see them all growing closer together again like they were. They aren’t fighting as much. My little ones don’t seem so stressed out and tired like when they were in school. Little Bitty is even working above grade level. I think we will keep with it.

I checked into buying a house a while back. My credit score was to low. They said it would take at least a year to get where I needed to be. My highest score was 603 the other two were in the high 500s. I need at least a 620 on my middle score. I opened my first credit card ever. That brought my score up a good amount and I haven’t even made my first payment. My high score is now 627 my middle is 616. My low is only 580 and don’t seem to be budging. I have also opened a kick off account that has boost them some. I am researching what else i need to do to get it higher. See what I can get off my credit. But if I am that high right now imagine what it will be when I get ready to buy one and the deals i will get I hope.

I think the best part of this year so far is getting back in touch with JW and where that has gone. I know we have had some up and downs, I should say I have had some ups and downs. We have only really had one real fight. Most of it has been me and my problem as I said in my other post. I really do think he loves me, probably more than anyone has. He has been there when I needed him most and just holds me when I am a emotional nightmare and I don’t even know what is wrong.

He has been understanding with the kids and that they come first and everything I do how it is going to effect them has to be considered. He understands sometimes I have to drop everything to handle things with them, deal with them or what. Sometimes I feel bad like it isn’t fair to him. I say sorry or something about it he just says babe I understand it’s the kids they come first. He really is caring, loving and sweet.

He has really been my rock when I needed it. He don’t think twice about stepping up and doing whatever it is that I need him to do. If something happens he is the first person I call. If I am just having a hard time or bad day I just want to be with him. I just feel better when we are together. He will be sitting on the couch watching tv and I lay my head on his lap and just fall a sleep. I just so calm and relaxed. He sat there one afternoon for several hours and just let me sleep. I wasn’t planning to go to sleep i was just laying there talking to him. I woke up said something about falling a sleep how long had I slept? He told me. He said I wanted to get up but you were sleeping so good I didn’t want to wake you. He said because he knew I hadn’t been feeling good or sleeping. That was when I was so bad after taking those birth control pills and was so mentally out of it. I just cry and cry. The fact I even went to him and let him see me that way says a lot. I would never with anyone else. I would of hid it just like I do at work and home. But I didn’t feel like I had to do that or wanted to. I wanted to be with him, I just wanted him to hug me and hold me.

He does somethings that makes me question things or feel some kind of way. But again when I really step back it is more my issue than something he did or said. I have noticed too he just says things without thinking about how it sounds or comes across. Not that he is trying to mean it bad it’s just poor wording.

He has put up with me for just under a year and I haven’t scared him away. He may really be in it for the long haul. I hope so because I think he is a keeper.

Bring it on I am ready for another great year.

Happy New Years

I hope you all had a great new years eve and having a great day with friends and family today.

Did you make any resolutions this year? What are they? Do you normally accomplish them? What revolutions from last year have you accomplished?

Another New Year Upon Us

I hope you all had a nice safe New Year’s Eve. Relaxe and enjoy your day with the one’s the bring you peace and joy.

The kid’s and I pllayed games from about 8/9pm Sunday night until 4am Monday. We then went to bed and slept until 1 pm. We needed it, we’ve not spent time like that in a very long time. After we got up and had lunch we went to Bff’s house for awhile. Oldest decided to stay there tonight.

I took the other kids to Stake & Shake. I didn’t have the money but I was thinking kids eat free. I would pay for me and 2nd oldest and that would be it. Boy was I wrong, not wrong I just messed up. It was Monday not Sunday. I am not use to being off on a week day. So I ended up paying for all of us. But oh well, they enjoyed it and it’s not like we do it all the time. It was $20.

Tomorrow we are supposes to go to the park and over to Bff’s for dinner. The kids are excited. They were today too getting to play with her kids and thinbgs. It was nice just getting to sit and talk face to face. We hardly ever get to see each other since I been working during the week. Before when I had week days off we would get to hang out and things. Now I am only off on the weekend and she is busy with her kids and hubby i am busy with the kids and work Saturday’s.

But it should be a nice New Years day following a nice New Years Eve.

Happy New Year

Happy New Years everyone, hope that you all had a safe and fun new years eve. Mine didn’t go as planed but it was still an okay night. My grandpa was supposed to be here around 2 to look at the washer and I was going to go pick my friend up when he left and she was going to hang out for the night. He didn’t show up until after 6 pm. It took forever to just get the washer apart because of the way the newer ones are. My old washer didn’t have a back you could just pull it out and work on it. This one has a back all bottled and clipped on there and a bunch of wires ran all over hooked to the back panel.

He got here just as I was about to cook the potatoes and corn to go with the roast I had in the crock pot. I started them had my oldest watch them why I went out to help him. When it was all done I him and them plates but he wouldn’t eat. I went back out to help him farther of the year called and wanted to know if he could come see the kids. I’m thinking he needs to take them do something with them let them come over but that isn’t going to happen. I told him yes because I figured he could help grandpa with the washer too if he needed it more than I could if it came to moving it outside and things like he was talking about. My grandpa is 75 or older he don’t need to be moving washers. I moved it out and things for him but I couldn’t get it out the door and things if we needed to take it outside.

Grandpa got it all apart finally and said the part he thinks it is will most likely cost a lot to replace. He said I could probably get another used washer for what I would pay for the part. But I don’t have money for the part or another washer even if it is used. He said he had one at his house a lady gave him that he started checking it out and it seemed to work but he didn’t get to finish checking it. He said he was going to go home and check it out today or tomorrow and if it worked then I could have it. Once he checks it out I have to get gas to go and pick it up. Right now I have $15 to get gas to take the kids to and from school this week and buy dishwasher soap, shampoo, body soap and anything else like that we need. Oh I think I have less because I had to spend some on food yesterday and coffee filters so I could make coffee for my grandpa when he came and for the dinner. Father of the year didn’t give me anything this week and isn’t again for who knows how many weeks. I can’t believe it I am ready to lose my mind on him. I am going to take the microwave and the washer and scrap them if the other washer works that should give me gas to get the new washer, he lives about 20 miles or so away. I may end up scrapping my big grill that I have out there too I don’t know yet. I didn’t want to but if I have to in order to get the stuff I need I will. I am going to try to list the things I have left from the yard sale again hope to get a little bit about of them. I still have the toddler bed left a few other little odds and ends. I was hoping to have enough to buy a scale so I could list on ebay. I have to be able to weigh the stuff in order to for people to figure out the shipping cost or so I know how much it is going to cost to ship if I include shipping.

I want to call him and see if he has checked out the washer but I know he hasn’t he is probably just now getting up and then he will have to eat and get ready for the day and all that. He didn’t leave here until 11 or close to it last night. He got sick and dizzy why he was here with his sugar. I tried again to get him to eat something he said no he just needed something to drink sweet. I gave him a glass of soda and he stayed a while until he was feeling better. The kids all had to play air hockey with him before he left. I know he didn’t get home until after 1230 because I called to talk to my grandma and he said he was about 10 minutes from home then.

I hope this washer works and I can just go get it later today. We need to wash clothes now and can’t we are pulling out anything and everything we can find to wear and the beds need to be washed. I don’t want mounds of blankets sitting in the way and we don’t have but one set of sheets that fit my bed, I have a couple sets that are supposed to fit it but they don’t. I have to buy king for my bed in order for them to fit and stay on even though it is a queen. I am going to wash some stuff out by hand to wear and dry it. I am going to wait a few days on the sheets they aren’t horrible just getting to be time to wash them again. Then if I don’t have one in a couple days wash the sheets out by hand and dry them. The blankets will have to wait, I have extra so if it comes down to it I will just have to fold them up stack them in the laundry room and wait until I get a washer. Fun times but it could always be worse so all I can do is just keep going this is nothing compared to what I have been through.

The End of 2016

As everyone is getting ready for tonight and getting ready to go to parties or what not I am doing the mom thing and it’s just another day for the most part. I am herding the kids to get their chores done as my floors are nasty they have spilled I don’t know what or them and tracked it around. The normal everyday crud from the dirt outside and the dogs being walked. We can mop and with in a day sometime minutes they look like they haven’t been mopped. I hate them. I have to wash my rug and get it back in here as well because something got spilled on it too. My grandpa is coming today to try and fix my washer or at least find out what is wrong with it. I still think someone is doing something to it. Because both times it stopped working was when someone was messing around. I am getting a locking knob to put on out there. I just don’t have the money my friends boyfriend has a new one over there he said I could have. Someone bought it for their door but it won’t work. He said give him a ride up to the store to get the right one for his door I could have that one. I keep forgetting to get it when I am there. It’s one of them things you just don’t think about at the moment. Before I was supposed to get the door knob they were taking off when they put the new one on because there is nothing wrong with it it just isn’t the right one for the door. But now since the new one won’t work either he said just take it.

I want to get the Christmas stuff down and put up for the year today, most the time we leave them up a little longer but it got really windy here the other night and blew things everywhere so I think I’m just going to take it down vs setting it all back up just to take it down in a week. Start the new year off with everything put up and clean even if it is just for a few days.

My friend is supposed to come stay the night tonight after my grandpa leaves I have to go pick her up. I have a six pack of screwdrivers I have had since Easter of 2015 that I have not drink yet. That was just weeks after my dad died and it was a horrible day with my mom, I was ready to drink and stopped and got it on the way home. But I didn’t drink it I calmed down, relaxed and skipped it. That is how often I drink it’s been in there all this time. I have part of a bottle of Jack that has been here for years since I was in my house so it is 5 or 6 years old or older because I had it for a while there too. I have drink twice since I bought the 6 pack in my fridge and that was the other week when I went up and seen my friend we sat by the fire outside and drink a few. Then the night me and my other friend went out and she was supposed to be my driver and ended up drinking more than me. But then Father of the Year wants to call here and act like something is wrong with me and I have been drinking or something. Tonight when the kids go to bed yes we will probably sit out front talk and have a few while she smokes and bring in the new year.

Other than that it is going to be a day of cooking and cleaning and referring kids and dogs. I am supposed to be putting a roast in the crock pot but came to look up a recipe and got lost here.

I am also trying to work on a few things in between everything else I am doing today so I don’t know if I will be around anymore today or not. I should be back tomorrow but it will depend if I get things done or not. Everyone have a happy and safe New Years eve and New Years day. See you next year when I get things figured out and done.

 

2016 Over All

I have to say all in all this year has been a pretty good year, nothing horribly bad has happened this year that just looms and shadows over everything else or makes me wish or get excited for it to be over with. Not that I am sad it is over with just neutral really. I sure can’t say it was the worse year ever because 2015 will forever and always be the worse year ever from now until I die probably. I don’t even want to think about what would have to happen for it to not be.

Yes a few things happened that sucked, some brought on by myself while others are just what life through at me. Its not like it isn’t normal shit that many other’s aren’t dealing with. As long as I stay positive and keep pushing through it will all work out and fall in place. I have to keep doing what I need to do and not let it get me down.

I think the biggest and best thing that happen this year was my divorce, I am so happy that it is done and over with. I am happy that I am not having to think about that following me around anymore. I am happy that I have had my house back this year and that I am getting things in order for me and the kids and how we want it and like it not just getting by. We had a little bump along the way but we will keep moving forward. We are use to taking the long way around when it comes to doing things. I got to spend Christmas with just me and my babies. We may have had to have some help but that’s ok just one of them curves life throws at us sometimes. God provided through great friends and some really nice strangers. They were all blessings and I pray they all have a wonderful year.

The main things that I can think of and remember happening this year that weren’t good is Father of the Year not paying and doing his part. Having to get help for Christmas and figure out how to pay bills. Having the accident I had Christmas day. Other than that I can’t think of to much bad that happen to us this year. Despite starting the year off so sick and having to have some things tested farther and checked up on.

Really I can’t wait to see what the new year holds for us. We really have had such a good year over all I pray next year is the same. I have somethings I am going to be working on for sure come the new year. I don’t know that I would call them new years resolutions or they are more like goals. I know kind of the same but resolutions people don’t seem to work as hard to make like they do when you call it a goal. I will put them in a different post later to day or Tomorrow.