{January 27, 2018}   Adopted Daughter

A few nights ago my mom ran into a friend of Father of the Year. She use to be a close friend of mine and her and her brother are how I met father of the year. But she stepped in the middle of things with me and him after being told to stay out of it and I told her how it was and cut her off from then on. We have not really talked in about 7 years.

My mom said they were standing there in the store she reach to help someone do something and when she looked up at who it was it was her. She told my mom that Father of the year told her he is paying me, that I refuse to let him see the kids or have anything to do with them and best of all that he adopted my little one. I was mad as hell because my kids are big enough to tell anyone who has questions what happen and how he told them he was going to get a place they could come to and see him spend the night, how he told them he was leaving people in jams but he had to do this, how he called the cops on us when we were trying to get him to just pay what he owed and how he has walked and drove by us in parking lots and things and acts as if he don’t see them and runs away jumps in the car and flies out of there. How when he see’s my friends out places and me or the kids are not even around he gets up and leaves when no one has even said anything to him. They can tell them how he hasn’t been here for birthdays or Christmas, has no idea his kids have been sick so bad they needed to go to the hospital one two or three times in as many days and almost kept.

But then to tell people he adopted my daughter and how he takes care of her. He acts like “daddy” when anyone is around and I tell her all the time he is not her daddy and him not to play daddy and for everyone to not tell her that is daddy. He begged me to let him go on the birth certificate and to give her his last name. That way I didn’t have to fight with her dad if he came in the picture and so that everyone would have the same last name. I said nope she is getting my name or her daddies name. I am not worried about her daddy coming around and trying to get her or fight me for her. I figure he may show up at some point and want to meet her see her but I don’t worry that he will try to take her or fight me for her. Like I told him that is her dad he has a right to her if he decides to come around. You have three you hardly take care of and do for now and complain because you have to. You are the last person I would want to tie her to or say was her dad. We had not even been together for years when I had her.

I am so mad the next time I see him I am going to say something about it right in front of everyone. How he still isn’t paying for his kids and still has nothing to do with them and that no one is keeping him from them other than himself and his ol lady.

I told my friend I should pack their bags drive them over there have her go with me so that she can record it all and tell him since he told everyone that I refuse to let him see his kids I thought I would bring them over and drop them off for his weekend, here they are and make sure to have them to school on time Monday. Then sit there and watch him trip all over himself why they can’t stay why they have to leave and most likely call the police to tell me that I can’t come back there. If it wasn’t for the fact of my kids getting hurt in all of it and knowing how he would do them and not take them I would do it in a heartbeat. Then when someone says that and when we go to court I can play it for the judge and be like here you go your honor he is not taking care of his kids he don’t even want to see them or take them for his time.

I posted something saying along the lines of for the ones that didn’t know he left and has not been around or paying and that he did not adopt my daughter. That I do not refuse to let him see his kids he refuses to have anything to do with them and runs every time he see’s them. That if he did adopt her then why does my divorce papers say she is not his, why does she have my last name, why if he wants to see them and I don’t let him, he don’t take me to court for violating a court order? Because if he had my kids and wouldn’t let me see them I been in court long ago getting that straight. I said I don’t normally post things or put this kind of thing out there but this was something I couldn’t let go and not say something because none of it is true and there are people that have been there from the start and know what went on and what is going on so if this is what he is telling you it isn’t true and if you want to know the truth come talk to his kids. It won’t be no he said she said you can get it straight from the ones that he is doing it to.

{January 29, 2017}   Another Long Night

Dealing with Father Of The Year, he calls and ask if he can come see the kids while I was making dinner. I started to tell him now but I figured they could see him and I could get my school work done. Wrong they fought and carried on running around and he just sat and watched them as if nothing was going on. I was down the hall with my door closed in my room and could hear them like they were next to me. I finally went out there about 10 and told them that it was time for bed. They were fighting cranky and whiny. They weren’t seeing him they were raising hell he wasn’t trying to do anything with them so bedtime. They all got their blankets and pillows and laid on the rug in the living room. They slept out there all last weekend too. The two boys and Little Bitty. My oldest is to old for that she wouldn’t be caught dead camping out with her younger siblings in the living room are you kidding. I went back to my room to try and work on my work some more he followed me in here and was asking me something I answered him and said something about going home. He just stood there looking at me stupid and went on.

In a little bit I was out there or he came back in here and I said something again about it he said he told them at home something about staying here for the night so he just do that. I said no there is no need for it we had this talk already long time ago you can go home. I was going to “help” you around the house he says. I said um no your not it’s late I have to do my homework no one ask you for help it’s time to go home. He started I said no problem just go. He sat around with the kids then until they fell a sleep and then laid on the love seat as much as he can I can’t even lay on it really he is taller than me by far. I went out there said something. He said he didn’t see nothing wrong with it or something by now it is after 2 I have been telling him to go home. He ignore me and walk off or whatever. I came back to my room and laid down and text him ask him why he wasn’t leaving told him I wanted to go to bed and needed to lock up and things. He just ignored me then told me he was waiting on the kids to go to sleep and things why he didn’t leave. I said well it has been hours since they went to sleep so that isn’t’ why. He said he wanted to be with the kids and spend time with the kids blah blah. I said well you seen them they are a sleep no need for you to be here now. He just wanted to stay the night with them. I said oh no if you want to stay the night with them then you pick them up take them home they spend the night with you. If you are not picking them up taking them home and them staying at your house with you then you are not spending the night with them.

I just decided short of calling the police to make him leave he was going to just keep on. I do not want to call the police over such shit. I kept asking him why he couldn’t go home he ignore me but at the same time said over and over he wanted to go home. Well if you want to then go. I even told him that if he told her he wasn’t coming home and couldn’t or whatever now not my problem that he should have made arrangements for somewhere to stay or something not just come over say he wanted to see the kids flop down and refuse to leave. He said something about sleeping in his truck I told him he wasn’t doing that in my yard either. I told him if he rather sleep in his truck than go home that was fine with me Wal Mart was good about letting people sleep in their parking lot in their cars have at it.

He kept saying I am trying to sleep. I said well I want answers and to know what the hell you are doing and why the hell you won’t leave? He kept saying I was being nasty he didn’t need to answer me. I said well what else am I supposed to be and what is anyone going to be when someone comes in their house sits down and refuses to leave or tell them anything? Go to someone else house and try it and tell me how it works for you because I bet they aren’t going to be as nice as I have been. Finally about 4 am he gets pissed off says he can’t sleep I won’t leave him alone he is leaving. I said bye got up locked the door went back to bed. He then started texting me again. Started about this is so one sided he does and does and then this is the way I do him.

I said excuse me one sided and your getting the short end of the deal? How the hell do you figure? I said one sided you have never once in 6 months taken these kids out of the house to go anywhere other than to run to the store a minute when you come over, you have never once kept them for the weekend like your supposed to, taken them during the week when you can and supposed to, come and see them when you can fit it in and you feel like it, your child support is figured on how many over nights they stay with you but that has never happened, it is figured on half of what you really make an hour, you pay it if and when you feel like it and when it works for you, you don’t have other people to pay back your own bills to pay or you just don’t feel like paying it, they can do without everything comes first. I let you come to my house and see them for them not you, I set rules on when you come and see them you can’t just walk in and out of my house anytime you please and stay as long as you want or stay the night. I said you just can’t stand it because you have no control anymore. You can’t keep me from going somewhere doing things or having you here. I have been more than responsible up to this point even though it has been very one sided and that is all about to change because I am not and will not be done this way like I was again tonight. Then his ton changed he didn’t say anything much at all after that. I said and from now on you can be here before 4 or not come and you need to leave by 4. You still have to see if we are going to be home it is a good time and day and let me know ahead of time. I said you can say it isn’t right or one sided all you want and that I am punishing the kids by making you ad hear to a few rules that is fine. But I am sure if it goes back to court and I bring all this up to the judge and how this is how it has been for 6 months he is not going to feel that you are getting the raw side of the deal. He really didn’t have anything to say after that. He just said he was trying to get comfortable in his truck and sleep and it was a little cold. I said oh well to bad you have a house and bed your paying bills on instead of making sure your kids have what they need if you want to sleep in your truck that is all on you I feel nothing for you over it. Then I passed out I was tired I had taken a whole one of my pills and it was really starting to kick in. I woke up with my phone under the bed.

I am still just blown away how he thinks that he does nothing but what he wants when he wants and never do I have a free moment he don’t take the kids or pay a sitter when he is supposed to or nothing but then the nerve and the balls to tell me this is a one sided deal. Where the fuck does he get off saying something like that? He must not know what one sided means or something. I told him I have it all documented that he isn’t doing what he says and that when he tells the judge all these reasons that are nothing more than excuses that the judge is going to tell him just that its excuses not valued reasons.

{February 2, 2015}   Less and Less Time

Seems like every time I go to see my dad I get to spend less and less time with him. We got there just before one today and was leaving to come home a little after one thirty.

We went in and he was eating lunch. He had a sandwich and a pudding cup. He was trying to eat it but having a hard time. I ask him if he wanted help he gave it to me to feed him. When he was done he laid back down I got rid of the trash and things. I sat there on the floor by his bed and held his hand talk to him some. I could tell he was just so tired. He closed his eyes and seem to be resting peacefully for a few minutes there. My brothers wife and daughter was home and they were doing stuff making noise and things. He wake up look, he looked like it startled him a few times. I asked him if he wanted us to go and let him rest and he shook his head yes. The kids came in and gave him hugs and things. I hugged him told him the boys have appointments the next few days I didn’t know if I would get back there before Thursday to have them call me if he needed me or anything. I may get back tomorrow but I really didn’t know if I would or not.

We have therapy tomorrow will take about 2 hours mid afternoon. The time we have to leave to get there the time we get out the afternoon is pretty much gone it’s dinner time. Then Wednesday they have two hours it’s the same way we have to be here by 1/1:30 so they can get drink go to the bathroom get snack if we been out. Then they do therapy until 4:15. I got home found a card they all are supposed to see the doctor again Thursday at 3:30 and we go back to Nemores for my little guys arm Friday. Hope he gets his cast off and the pins out. We probably won’t be back this way until later either but we will probably still stop and see him because I know he will want to show papa he got it off if he dose.

I try not to go to late in the day because I know he gets tired easy and by dinner time he is ready to just sleep. We didn’t get to go for a walk today. It started raining when we got there. My brother said something about when he was done with his lunch to take him outside if he wanted to go. I told him we couldn’t go for a walk but we could go sit on the porch if he wanted to but he didn’t. I don’t know if he just wasn’t feeling up to it or if he just didn’t want the hassle of the chair and putting it in and out really. I think he was just really tired. He just seemed so wiped out and he hadn’t done anything but eat and things. Said he had a hard time last night with dinner. Not so much stuff getting sick and keeping his food down as there is stuff in his lungs. He gets choked up from coughing and things. They also think he is bleeding inside from the tumor again. There isn’t really anything they can do. The doctor the other week said he was glad he wasn’t and was surprised but that it could start again. They could give him the blood transfusion but he don’t want it and I don’t know really how many they can give you or if it would really make much of a difference. If he is losing it like they are saying. I have to think he isn’t losing it to horribly fast or I would think something would have happen. But I don’t know all we can do is go be with him as much as we can.

{January 23, 2015}   Feeling Guilty

We slept in today because we have been up late and so busy the last week. Then I had a counselor come out from the hospice to talk to the kids and answer some questions since my little guy is having a hard time with grandpa being sick.

I had decided I wasn’t going to go up as late as it is getting because I need to do some shopping and get dinner for the kids. It is getting late. I called a little bit ago and talk to him. I hadn’t heard from him today and he calls most everyday. He didn’t sound good I could hardly understand him. He talks so low now. I think his throat is bothering him from being sick so much.

I asked how he was doing he said he wasn’t doing good that he been sick a lot today. He said he wasn’t feeling well. I told him I was thinking about coming up first thing in the morning instead of tonight since it was getting so late. He said ok. He wasn’t happy because now he can’t go home until Monday maybe later.

He sounded so bad on the phone. Not bad but pitiful. Just over being sick, being stuck in there being bored with nothing to do. It just made me feel like shit for not going up there tonight but he said he wasn’t feeling good he had a ruff day and he was resting. I know he was probably looking forward to us coming. He always ask when I am going to be there. How long before I am coming. When we go I can only stay an hour and half to two hours before the kids are wound up and ready to go. Tomorrow father of the year is off and he wants to go see him. I figure we can all go up and see him and we can spend a little more time with him that way as well. They have a play area but someone has to be with the kids when they are in there. It is at the front where you come in. I haven’t let them go because we are there to spend time with grandpa and if we aren’t we are going home. I figure this way one of us can take them in there for a little bit if they get ants y. We can switch off and then they kids can go back in and see him a little more as well once they get some energy out.

But I still can’t help but feel like I’m wrong for not going up there tonight. I don’t even know what is for dinner. I have very little to spend between now and next Friday when we get paid for everything we need. I need to go shopping for food to make it last til then as best as I can. I been going and picking stuff up here and there as we needed it but I spend so much more money that way. The money will not last that long if I keep doing that. To be honest I just want to take them out and have a meal where I can just sit down and let someone else cook it clean up after it and wait on me for the night. There isn’t a chance of that happening. I just want to get in bed and stay there.

I so wish I lived closer so that I could just go 5 minutes down the road and be there like my brother and them. Even though they are 5 minutes a way my brother is the only one who has been over there to see him and he goes for a few minutes a night 45 minutes to a hour and thats it. His step daughter who cares so much for grandpa hasn’t been there yet. She isn’t even in school right now. She can drive so she could take one of their cars. My brothers wife hasn’t been over there either. They just go about their day as if nothing is happening and this is nothing.

If I was closer I would be over there a few times a day to sit with him and check on him. Even then probably for a hour or so at a time or to take him out when he is feeling up to it. Why are they ones that can be there in no time flat spend a little bit of time with him even once a day and they don’t bother to go or pick up the phone and even call him. But I’m the one that makes the drive sits with him for hours a day every day when he is in these places and so sick and one time I don’t go I feel so guilty and sick over it. Knowing I will be there tomorrow.

et cetera
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