Single___Parent___Life











{December 28, 2020}   I Told My Sister

I don’t know if it was Christmas eve or a day or two before, but me and my sister were talking on the phone while shopping. We were calling back and forth having each other look for thing’s we couldn’t find and trying to see what to get each other’s kids.

I don’t know how it came up but I ended up telling her about JW. I just told her I hadn’t told the kids and things yet. I told her we (well I was) were waiting to see how things went if it was going to be something or not. Then this covid crap happen and everything. That I was going to have to tell them soon.

She didn’t seem to sure at first, I told her that January would be a year for us. How he has been there for me and helped me. He got someone to tow me off 95 when I broke down. He got me the Christmas tree last year when I was going to have to go late after work. How he helps anyway he can. How good he is with the kids and wants to do things with them and be that guy in their life. Or that father figure. How he is excited for them to know talks about all he wants to do with them. But he understands why I haven’t told them and he is okay with it.

She wasn’t saying much but I could tell she was thinking. She said but what about this or that I told her. She asked if he had kids. I told her yes they are grown. She said how old is he? I told her only 42 she said oh okay. We talked a little more she seem to think it was good. The way she talked.

Today I called her why we were out to take and drop off the kids gifts and pick up mail. She said come in about an hour they were getting ready to eat. So we stopped by. He got out was helping me get their stuff out and give her. We stood there and talked for about an hour. I told her that I was not renewing my lease and that I was not taking her mother with me. I just told her no one knew yet but I wasn’t going to be staying around here. I wasn’t taking her with me. I told her we were looking at moving up by his kids. I told her rents here are crazy and I can’t afford to live here.

She understood she has been renting the same place longer than I have mine by about 3 years. She is worried they are going to rise her rent or tell her she has to move. She is only paying $825 i think she said. She is in a two bedroom condo. The ones around her are going for $1200. When I told her I could get a decent 3 bedroom house for that in January and now they are getting that for a 2 bedroom condo. That decent 3 bedroom houses are going for $1500 to $1600. She was shocked.

Later I called to see how the kids liked their gifts. And I thought of it ask her what the kids said about JW? They didn’t come out with this covid stuff and her baby and things. We had mask on and stood away from each other. But I said to her they will be asking granny who the guy was with me. She said no she told them and told them it was a secret for now. It should be okay they kept the secret about a new baby until my sister told. I didn’t either so I know she won’t say anything either.

We got there she seen my necklace I went over showed her. She looked then when I got closer she said oh wow that’s, that’s nice where did you get that or who got you that? I told her he got it for me for my birthday. She wasn’t sure what to say. She just looked at him surprised said really? I said yeah. He just smiled. She isn’t use to me having nice things like that unless it was stuff my dad gave me or a few things I got on ebay at a good price. Father of the year never bought me nice things like that. For no longer than we have been together for him to get me something like that. The fact that he could get me something like that and just do it not think anything of it. She had ask me the other night when we were talking if he had a job. I had just told her but she didn’t hear me. I told her yes he works 6 days a week over 60 hours a week. She said oh.

After she met him and we all talked today I think she liked him. I think she wasn’t sure what to think when we were talking the other night. She was young when me and Father of the year got together. She honestly never did like him would not stay if I wasn’t there even if the kids or others were there. I don’t think she ever met RC. She knows how things ended up with that. She don’t know why but when he isn’t around for 8 years what is anyone going to think of someone, you know.

I told him the other night I told her. He said told her what? I told him about him about us. He said really? What did she say? I told him not much really. He said she is going to say something won’t she? I said no she isn’t like that. He said oh okay. He seemed glad I had told her.

I showed her pictures of the cat’s was telling her about them. She asked who’s they were his? I told her no the one was mine. She just laughed. Asked where he was? I told her at his house. That I was kind of living between the two places. He told her I had stayed with him when I wasn’t here they thought I was at Bff’s house. He said yeah 6 or 8 months. I said 2. He was joking around. She seemed to like him. That is good.



{December 28, 2020}   Seen JW Today

I went over to JW’s house like I do every Sunday so we could do what we needed to do. He was just getting dressed when I got there. He said he was about to walk up to the little store to get coffee. He finished getting dressed said he had been up for a few hours. It was 11 something when I got there. I would of went earlier but normally he likes to sleep in and is still laying down when I get there at 11. He said the cats ran all over him and woke him up. He fell a sleep on the couch.

We got his stuff together and loaded up. I told him we would toss the stuff in to wash then go get coffee. I was sitting there on the couch and went to get up. He said oh yeah I almost forgot. He picked something up off the table. It was in a black bag. He said he was sorry he didn’t get to wrap it. He was so wore out when he got home the night before I couldn’t blame him. I opened the bag and pulled out what was inside. I sat back down on the couch. I was surprised. I open the box and there was a gold necklace with little diamonds all the way around it. I was very shocked. I took it out and was trying to put it on but couldn’t get it on. He sat beside me and help me put it on.

I wrote Look What I Got back in February. A month or so after we got together. He gave me the heart necklace back then. It was similar it had one side with CZ on it and it was silver in color. You can see a picture in the post. Well I got lectured by Little Bitty about wearing it in the shower. She said I was going to ruin it and mess it up. Well I guess After 11 months of wearing it 24\7 took its toll on it. It started turning and tarnished. I tried to clean it when I was staying with him and I think it made it worse. A week or two a go I took the charm off and put it on my keychain. I didn’t want to mess it up more.

I didn’t even know he noticed, he never said anything about me not wearing it. Today he said he was trying to decide what to get and he was thinking about earrings but didn’t know what I would wear or if I would. He hasn’t seen me wear any. I don’t wear them much. I lost one of the ones the kids gave me I use to wear.

I guess his friend said something about a necklace. He told him I had the one he gave me before but I hadn’t wore it in awhile. The chain kept getting messed up he thought it broke. He said he was going to walk to the shop by work but they were closed. So his friend went to the other one. He told him what to get. He couldn’t go with him because they both couldn’t leave work at the same time. He sent him some pictures he told him what one to get. It is so nice the picture really isn’t a good one. I can’t get a good one with the lighting. I will get a better one tomorrow. But I couldn’t wait to tell you all what he got me.

I will try to post a better picture tomorrow.

After we done laundry we went to the mall. My mom and the kids gave me money for my Birthday. They wanted me to find something. For myself I wanted. I do not normally shop at the mall there aren’t many stores a lot have closed and others are over priced. But I like to shop Sears and JCPenney’s. They have good sales some times. When I was in Penney’s right before Christmas they had some really good deals. I got my mom a $75 purse for $12. It was on sale half price then marked clearance.

I found a really nice sweater for work. It freezes in there almost year round. I wear my jacket but it isn’t comfortable. It is bulky. I had been looking at some at wal mart but they were thin, they had holes coming in them and had hoods on them. They were $15 to $20. I got this one for $25 it was on sale and I used their coupon I found on their site brought to half price. It was $50 to start with it is much nicer than what I had been looking at in the other store.

Again lighting is horrible it is messed up I forgot to buy a new one today.

I had a little bit of money left I wanted to go to this store by the house to see if I could find a outfit, purse shirt or something. It is in a plaza with other stores. As we were going past one he said he wanted to run in this one store why I went to the other he would come find me when he was done. I stopped and let him get out and went on to the other store. He came and found me in a little bit. We walked down to Tractor Supply.

We were walking around in there and he said my Christmas gift was in the truck. He was looking there to see if they had them there or not. He looked around and said no.

By now I am confused because like I said yesterday he wasn’t making since about needing to order but now got them at the other store. I asked him how did he find them if he had looked all over and had to order them? If they were at that store why he didn’t just get them? He said he got different ones or something like that. Oh I said to him he said he was ordering them yesterday why would he buy them now? He said they were different and he was going to order them tomorrow he wanted to look why we were out today.

We got outside he said my gift was in the back of the truck I had to come back there so he could show me What he got. I went to look he got me gnomes. One lights up say’s welcome then one that stands alone. They are cute.

He said he found some at Lowe’s but they had to be ordered. He said one was reading a book one was hunting or had a gun like he was. He said you like guns and to read a gnomes I thought it would be perfect. But they had been to a bunch of places and couldn’t find them they were order only. He was going to order them tomorrow but he had spent more than planned on the necklace so he was hoping to find them somewhere else. Then he found those today. I do like them. He could of just gave me the necklace for my birthday and Christmas he didn’t have to do that. The necklace is very nice and I know cost a little bit. I sure was not thinking that he was looking for gnomes. I can’t believe he remembered something like that and would think to get something like that.

After he gave me the necklace we were talking and I told him he didn’t have to do that or spend that much or something like that. He said you don’t know me very well. I wanted to do it and was able to. I love you.



{December 26, 2020}   He Got Me Something

About 12:30 he sent me a massage all excited telling me he got me something. I had fallen a sleep so I got it about an hour later. I said ok and that I told him not to worry about it. He never said anything until a few minutes ago when I asked him something. He hasn’t said anymore about it.

I didn’t get up to rush up there to get it I probably won’t get it until tomorrow when we go shopping. I don’t feel like getting ready and going out just for that. He is at work anyway so I won’t get to see him long anyway. I could go after he gets off but that won’t be until 8 tonight. I am truly in no rush to go get it. I am surprised he hasn’t said anything about coming to get it or so he can give it to me. If he does I am going to tell him I will get it tomorrow.

He was in no hurry to get it why should I be. I am not in a good mood today not because of this. I am in a shitty mood because of how things are with the bitch. I wish I was working today and not here. Can’t wait until Monday. I don’t have to be here and around her. Oh and he hasn’t said anymore about having to order “them” whatever “them” are. Who knows what he is doing or has done. All I really wanted no one wants or will get so.



This pretty much sums it up what JW done when it came to Christmas shopping. Well not for everyone just me I should say. This what has been bothering me for a bit now. At the same time feel it shouldn’t bother me and I am wrong because it does.

I started shopping weeks ago for Christmas. Like right after Thanksgiving. I picked up a lot of Little Bites stuff why we were grocery shopping. I have looked here and there for stuff each week. One weekend we went all over looking for stuff. Pawn shops, malls and other random stores. So he got to places and was able to shop. He picked up his gift for his family’s get together. He picked up a gift for the guy at works kid, his self and something for the dog.

What did I get for Christmas and/or my Birthday? Nothing at all. I was told he couldn’t shop because I am always with him when he gets to go. I told him many times if you want to shop go shop. I am not going to follow you call me or find me when you are done. I even go wait in the truck most likely because I only needed a few things or to check for something quick. He never did. He could of ask the guy at work to take him but didn’t. He said the guy at work was looking when he want shopping and went a few places. He told me at one point I could probably get them here but I don’t know where to find them. I said I am sure if you ask someone they can get it or tell you were in the store to find it. He says yeah true but i didn’t bring money with me. He keeps saying he has to order it but it was to late to get it before Christmas but he didn’t order it so it would be here by today or early next week. He is waiting to order it. But then if he can get it at the store why didn’t they just do that? I don’t know what is going on with it. He keeps saying he can’t find “them” I thought I may know what he was talking about even made a comment about seeing some at X store that night. I was going to buy them for my gift from the kids. But I had already spent more than I should of so I didn’t. I just said I had seen them and that was what I was going to do. But didn’t because I already spent money. He could of went got it or called his friend he has looking run and pick it up. The store is at the end of his block.

Then Christmas Eve he say’s yeah I am going to have to get you something Saturday and order your other things. Before it was he was getting these things whatever they are. Now it is he has to get some stuff at the store and order these things. If he was going to get stuff at the store why didn’t he just get it before? Why wait until after Christmas? I told him not to worry about it. He was like no I have to get you something.

My feelings on all of it was I was a little upset or disappointed.

I run my ass off to make Christmas nice for the kids and I want to don’t get me wrong. Normally they ask for money and to go shopping and get me something. This year being how it is I did all the shopping. I even bought their gifts to trade between each other for them. I picked up a couple books for myself because the little ones get upset if mom don’t have a gift. So i bought them wrapped them and put them under the tree. That is what I got. I am okay with that.

I was upset or bothered by what JW done because, I had all that to do and done it and still took the time to find him something nice. Track it down take time from work to go get it and everything. Get him something I know he could use and needed. He does nothing. It is Christmas and my Birthday and he does nothing. Oh I couldn’t find it i have to go to the store blah blah. It feels like an after thought or something I don’t know how to explain it. I know he is going to say he has to go get me something or order it again. I just want to tell him forget it everything is over with. I am sure he say he still wants to get me something i just want to tell him it isn’t the same now. I feel like I am wrong for feeling that way and that I shouldn’t say anything at all about it. At the same time I feel like I should. I feel like if he really tried and wanted to he could of had something in time. I know he had the money that wasn’t an issue.

I think he does care and he does love me. I do him and it isn’t about getting something back. But you know some times it is nice to be included in the holidays and feel like someone wanted to make you feel you were.

I keep thinking about when I was with father of the year how I would go out of my way to find him nice stuff and things he would like. He wouldn’t get me anything or if he did it be some little something he grabbed for a couple dollars so he could say he got something. No thought or effort put into it at all. How his family was the same way we would shop had to get his family nice stuff even if I didn’t buy for mine or have the money to do it. They would spend $100’s on him and hand me a candle from the $1 place or something.

I don’t know what to think or how to feel about what JW done. But I am hurt. I don’t know if it is just a guy thing they don’t see it as a big deal when they get it they run out of time or what. But then I know of a lot of guys that would of had something no matter what. Just like I made sure I had something for him. I just tell myself this is just how it is or going to be. At least I am happy and he is better about other things. I feel like just don’t expect anything at the holidays and why should it bother me that much it is no different than any other time. I feel like now I know how it is going to be I know not to go out of my way to get him stuff either then because it don’t matter. I feel like I am wrong for feeling that way.

I am stuck between feeling like I am living the past all over and this isn’t the same. This one is completely different than father of the year. Just not good with gifts or what. I am use to it so why does it bother me so much now? I guess I just want to feel he cares and not just be like its okay because I am use to it. It makes me question everything then. I don’t like feeling this way. I feel like I need that extra from him to make me feel that everything is okay. I hate feeling that way because I never did before. Like I said in my post I Don’t Like The Person They Have Turned Me Into I think it all comes down to that. I feel wrong for expecting more from him because of what someone else has done. Why should I it is my issues so just live with it it is what it is. Things are good enough. But I don’t want to feel things are just good enough. So how do I fix it without expecting more out of him? Why is it wrong for me to want him to go that extra for me if that is what I need and he cares? But how far extra should he have to go because of me and my issues?

I hate being so confused about how I feel and why. Or about what I want/need and what I feel about him and if I should or shouldn’t expect it from him?



{December 24, 2020}   40 In TWO Day’s

I can not believe I am going to be 40 in a few days. I don’t know how I feel about that. I don’t really feel any kind of way about it. I just try to figure out where those 40 years went. Hell mostly where the last 20 went and the things I let go on for far to long. Now life is half over or more.



{December 27, 2019}   Happy Birthday To Me

Yesterday for my birthday I had to work both jobs, it really wasn’t bad both were really slow so an easy day/night. I had already planed to take off by 9 from my night job to go have a few drinks with friends and unwind after dealing with her Christmas.

My friend I got back in touch with over the weekend (we will call him, J.W. said he wanted to go and Bff was talking about going. He messaged me off and on all yesterday. He asked where I wanted to go I told him I wasn’t sure. Then when I was getting to my night job he said lets go get some dinner. I told him I had to see and he said his treat.

I got off at 8:30 because it was so slow. The guy the works with me said earlier lets get out of here early tonight. I said that is fine with me I was planing on leaving at 9 anyway. By 830 it was so dead I said can we get out of here yet? He laughed and said go I’m not far behind you.

I went and picked up J.W. and we headed over to the island. We had been talking about what was open. We seen this Restaurant bar in down town open so  we decided to go in there. They have been around here forever when I was a kid but I had never been in there. I got the shrimp basket with cal slaw. It was really good. We sat there for a bit talking then we rode around for a while talking. I dropped him off and went home. It was about midnight then.

I messaged and told him thank you that I had a good time. He said he was glad and we needed to do it more often. I told him I was going to start going out once a week like I was before, He said it sounded good. I want to do more than just sit at the place and watch people sing or try to and do nothing. I want to start playing pool or walking the beach, something to get out and really do something not just sit. I sit all day at both job. once in a while going somewhere and just sitting is fine but I like to do other things too. Like Bff said maybe once a month go and just sit and hangout. That is fine, we can get a group of us together and do different things others want to do as well. I would love for bff’s aunt to come again but I don’t know if she will or not.

He said pool is free over where him and his friend goes not to far from the house. That is nice, it’s so much an hour at the other place but it is more of a pool hall. I don’t really care for either place but I know others that are free too. I don’t mind going to the one his friend goes to I have been in there few times. Can’t think for the life of me who the heck I was with when I was in there because most people I know don’t hangout in the places around us over there. That is going to bother me because I remember being there the other people there things we talked about, it being pretty slow, driving there and meeting them there but not who I was with. It has been a while. I can’t even remember if it was a friend I was with or a guy. I know it wasn’t bff she would never go somewhere like that. Well she wouldn’t have then. Who knows maybe I will figure it out.



{October 23, 2019}   Sleepwalking

I feel like that is how I have been getting through life just sleepwalking through it. I have felt so sleep deprived lately I almost can’t function. I have had a hard time driving home more times than I will admit to the last month. I have just hit that burnt out point in the year. Where I have worked to the point I am over worked and need vacation somewhere cut off from the world and all human interaction. Okay I know I am dreaming but I need a break of some kind. We haven’t done our girls night out in a really long time either so I am just working, sleeping repeat, time with kids on the weekend and jump back into the week. Not having that break and things getting busier at both jobs and the time getting ready to change always throws everything off. I am trying to acclimate I think.

I think the time change has a lot to do with it. I don’t know why but it always throws me off I think it’s worse this year with the hours I am working. The fact that my dads birthday is tomorrow don’t help either. The guy at work said something about it would of been his dads birthday it hit me that my dads was coming up this month. It was one of them things you know but not thinking about or keeping track of. Now it has been there nagging me for the last few weeks. I am going to get one of them chines lantern things and do. I am debating on doing tomorrow on break at my night job or waiting until the weekend and doing it with the kids somewhere. I don’t know how they would feel about it or be interested in doing it.

A lot has been going on I have wanted to write but just can’t concentrate when I sit down and try. It has been busy at my day job even when it isn’t the guys have been around and in the office a lot lately too. My night job things are so strictly watched and looked at I don’t want them seeing all my stuff. I hardly use the computer for anything other than work or to watch things when there is nothing to do. My phone has no service I have to hook it to the wifi to get on line and that is blocked so things can’t be done.

This morning thought I am in a good place. I am starting to feel like all the struggle and work I have been through the last 4 years is paying off and I have made that turn. I just want to write today and catch everyone up on what has happened and all that is going on. But I have to work some. So I am going to get off here for now and make my calls. Then I will have a while to jump back on and catch you all up on everything or most everything at least.



{September 5, 2019}   Only a Rain Storm

Hurricane Dorian did nothing but bring some wind and rain. Nothing more than a normal Florida rain storm we typically get this tine of year really.

I can not believe it. I am grateful we didn’t get slammed by a cat 5 or something like that and feel horrible for the people in the islands. I know we could be going through what they are and I could be out a lot nore than money. But right now I am out like two weeks pay.

I don’t think I can go camping now for Mr. 8’s birthday until a week or two later or next month. I have been figuring and figuring money and moving bills around trying to make it work. I just don’t see how. I feel bad I really want to take him and I really wanted to go with Mr. Responsible and his son. Us all and Bff would of had a blast.

I need to go over my tent see if it is usable, get a canopy, food, gas, cake and gifts, part of the money for the site. I don’t see it happening next weekend.

I may see if he still wants to go once I get money settled and get it all planed out again. I hope he dont get upset he said he understands.

I have Mr. 13’s birthday coming up 2 weeks after Mr. 8’s I have to do something for. I don’t know what he wants yet, I have to ask him. He was telling me something the other day Mom of The Year here can’t remember what it was. I think he wants to go to the movie but not sure.

I have to pat on bills they are hitting at once. The one I can normally move the due date because the date comes at a really bad time anyway. But for some reason I haven’t been able to move it. I figured things out I think if I don’t do the trip I can still do something and get everything taken care of. I can get the gifts from the kids and cake with family. Give him a date with the camping trip or tell him sit down with me help me pick somewhere to go. He will like that. That will cost me a lot less and then that part will be out of the way as well. Since the gifts from the kids will be done. That is a nice chunk of money in its self. I will do a cake when we go camping if BFF and other go. They will give him a little gift and things too.

I don’t think BFF is in the mood to go camp and things right now either after being away so long for the storm and things. I am tired wore out and just want to get back to normal and that wont be until next week and even then wont will missing work and more money to go camping, being away from home and all that. It be another week before I get back to any kind of normal. I don’t know if mentally I can handle that right now.

I feel bad but I never told him we would go camping for sure on his bday. Just that we would go.



{April 15, 2019}   Little Bitty’s Birthday

I just noticed that I hadn’t posted about Little Bitty’s birthday or the days around it. Other than about not being motivated to write and things. I thought I had written about it and just went to see if I had posted something else and seen I hadn’t posted either.

The 4th was her birthday I took off from my night job and took the kids all to the fair that was in town. We were all supposed to go, my the kids, Bff and her kids and her Aunt and her son and Sleeping Beauty. We made plans made sure we were all going to be able to make it and everything.

Then as I was running to the store and talking to Bff about heading her way and when they would be ready she got a phone call. It was Sleeping Beauty and he just got a phone call saying his aunt only had a few hours to live. He needed to go to where she was at. She said he was stuck south of us and was trying to get home, she was going to have to take him because his mom was already gone. I told her it was alright not to worry about it I would get her kids and take them do what they had to do and we would make it work.

I told Little Bitty that she wasn’t going to go what was going on. She said well Bff better go fast and get him there because she drives slow and he needs to get there fast she can’t drive slow she needs to make sure he gets there fast. She understood and was more worried about him getting there before something happen to his aunt than them not being there. She is so caring and loving.

Bff’s daughter ended up bringing her kids to the fair and meeting us there and I picked up her aunt and son and brought them with me. We all had a good time. The kids left about an hour or so earlier than we did. I don’t know why but her oldest decided to go ahead and take them home.

Little Bitty still had a good time and enjoyed her birthday.

They ended up coming home later that evening, she came around an was asking to eat and things. They headed home. I told her that they will do things like that right before it happens sometimes. That if they thought that was a good sign it probably wasn’t. She said no they knew and that someone there had said that too. But that for now she was okay and they were coming back.

That was Thursday, Friday she took him to his moms and dropped him off and he went up with her to go back and see her. She is about 2 hours from where we are maybe more. His mom is a lot closer so that worked out. She messaged me about 4 that afternoon said that she just passed.

This past Wednesday when we were all out he was sitting there next to me in the booth and he said oh yeah he said we are supposed to go to my aunts service this weekend but we aren’t going. He said his mom was over all his aunts affairs and that her kids and her had been into it. Said they were mad that she shut her credit cards down and wouldn’t let them use them and things. He said they have said and done all kinds of things to his mom and they decided they just weren’t going to go.

I said I didn’t blame them and that I understood. Isn’t it wonderful how death brings out the worse in people. I said I have seen it so much. Even my grandpa’s funeral and passing was a mess because of my aunt. He said yeah it was messed up and that it wouldn’t end good if they ended up going and things. So they were just staying home.



{April 6, 2019}   So Much To Do

It is after 11 am and I am still laying in my bed. I should of gotten up a long time ago. They are coming to look at the house tomorrow and I have to clean and get ready.

I have to clean the fans and blinds. It gets so dusty in my house so fast. The dust gets thick in no time. Even on my walls. I have never lived somewhere dust builds up on the walls and the ruff. It is like a every few weeks/monthly thing that needs done. Fans too even when you use them. I hate it and it has been let go for a bit. Now I have 24 hours to get it all done. Fans in all the rooms and a ton of windows and blinds. I just want to pull it all down and buy new but they will need done in a few weeks.

I just have to get it done and stay on top of it. I think because I am on a main road at a main intersection for our area. Tons of cars go by in a day. You wouldn’t think that much would come in but I think the a/c is bringing it in.

Little Bitty’s bday was Thursday, I took her and the rest of the kids to the fair. Now we have to do cake and gifts at some point today.

And be ready to go out of town for a while with Bff and all the kids for a while tonight maybe. I am still laying here like I have nothing to do. I am stressing about it all mostly the house and this lady coming. But I can’t force myself up to do anything about it. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I am stressing but don’t care at the same time. Guess I should go make lunch and try to get this all done.



et cetera
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